That was really good! I love how you took time to explain of Iris' parents lives before she was born. I almost felt like crying when I read about her dream. You make the whole thing seem so real. How she made friends with Charlie, Alex and Rose was great, I can tell it helped Iris. ( Her name is so pretty!)
I would like to see a sequel to this, I think it would be really good!
AurorGirl101 ~Knights of the Turnips Table
Author's Response: Thanks *blushes* The sequel is actually my WIP, Make Me Better...chappie 2 should be up soon :) thanks for the review! ~Sunray
This is a beautiful story. I truly loved it. Her father's last words were so true and peaceful and wonderful and amazing and all those other good words. I love how the story flows and how she has a changing moment where she's a new person ecause of her father's last words. I loved it.
Author's Response: Thanks Gabby! her father's last words actually came from a proverb that was said by someone that learned in the same school as I learn in. She wrote all these trully amazing things, and she was taken from this world by Cancer. Her words changed a lot of people's lives, and that is how the plot bunny came to be. Thanks for the review (and banner) Gabby! <3 Sunray
Your OC was very interesting, and I liked reading about her - overall it was a well-rounded story!
A few nit-picks:
If only my father could have lived two months more.
I would suggest changing 'more' to 'longer', as it would flow better.
He was a sweet blend of carefree and responsible.
Do you mean 'responsibility'? 'Responsible' isn't a noun, so it wouldn't be possible to blend.
Also, some of the sentence could be made into one - it stops the story from flowing freely. Another suggestion is, if Iris wants to spill all her sadness out onto paper, I would maybe make everything a little more...sad? Using interesting words to describe sad events, and making Iris more emotional would have pulled up the so-called 'sadness rating' of the story. How old is Iris? She seems a little mature for her age. (Though that just might be her character)
I loved the way you entered Charlie into the story, as it gives us something to relate too. I hope Iris will continue to enjoy life, and well done for writing a neat story!
Author's Response: Thanks!!! At that point in the story she is turning 16. She is mature for her age because she had a difficult childhood. The events that took place are blurry in her mind, because she was only 6 when her father died. She can only spill out her general sadness. In 'Make Me Better', the story she is taken from, she is going to spill some more of her sadness out, but to a phisical person, not a piece of paper. Thanks for your advice, Sunray
