I think you've got the Snape and Draco characterization right. But something just doesn't click in this story for me. I think that Draco might be a bit off, and that's what's bothering me, but I'm not quite sure.
Hmm. I think that this moment was well-written, but it's not something that inspired emotion in me.
That's it. Though everything in technique, plot and characterization was well-done, this story didn't do anything in my heart..it left me sort of hollow-feeling.
Nice work, but I just wasn't connected to it as a reader. :(
P.S. Review 4 of 5 for the August Review Challenge Prize.
Author's Response: I didn't like writing this piece, and it showed, eh? I had to write it to explain away some of the later events in TBWL. I don't write Draco or Snape very well, adn I think I didn't put as much efort into this as I should have...
I like it. So does this mean the Draco no longer has Snape's protection?
Author's Response: I really wanted this to get posted before the chapter where Snape died so that everyone would have the background for why Snape would sacrifice himself. I still maintain that it was a self preservation move on Snape's part. He had to continue to fulfil the requirements of the Unbreakable Vow or he would die. In the end, there wasn't much choice for him anyway. Now that Snape is dead, there isn't much protection he can offer. Oooh. You just gave me the best idea. Gotta go jot it down so I don't forget in my old age.
Very dark. It's a new side to Draco, but I'm not sure I like it any more than I like him. Really cool potion not being drunk but absorbed through the skin-very clever!
Author's Response: Thank you! I don't like him much either, but I really wanted to give him some background for the death of Snape...