Can I tell you - This was absolutely hilarious *grins* I was looking through your stories, wondering which one I should review and this one just jumped out at me; after all, how often does one see a story about Aberforth? Not only have you made something extremely amusing, but you’ve managed to work in some lovely imagery that just adds depth over and above what one normally finds in a humour story.
The fake dawn could be seen as a mere glow between grime lines on the stain glass windows.
I absolutely loved this – so very evocative and ominous. Actually, I adore this whole paragraph, but felt it was gratuitous quoting ;-p
His hands supported his elderly frame on the scrubbed wooden tables, and shook in the candle light of the stubs that were near to extinguished.
This is lovely imagery.
He picked up his spork with a shaking hand, and almost had the scrambled eggs to his mouth when suddenly, a tawny owl flew full pelt into the window.
*snorts* And you wriggled in a spork! Extra points for you.
You’ve really brought Aberforth to life, and I think he is now one of my favourite characters. You’ve given such amusing madness, and even given him nuances and facets, which frankly, is quite an accomplishment with a character who is not only minor, has never even actually appeared in the cannon narrative!
Aberforth suspiciously stabbed a sausage, sniffed it, and then held it out to his goat to smell.
“Alright, you think Chuck?”
You’re use of the required elements was clever and nicely worked in. It felt very natural and avoided sounded the slightest bit contrived, which can be very hard to do when you’re working with prompts.
He’d never set hide nor hair near the Greenhouses in all his time at Hogwarts. He had the odd tendency to break out in bouts of Pox every time the words ‘plant’ or ‘Herbology’ were mentioned.
I’m fairly sure Pox is not supposed to be capitalized here, any more then you would capitalize ‘cold’ or ‘flu’. I could be wrong, though.
Privet and Yew trees lined the periphery of the garden area forming a strong solid hedge.
You should have a comma after ‘strong’.
The grass around the small brick path was of varying shapes and hues, and the odd Geranium and Daisy could be seen as well.
I’m nitpicking now, I know, but ‘geranium’ and ‘daisy’ shouldn’t be capitalized here.
You’re descriptions are so vivid, I can see the maze perfectly. You’ve really gone out of you way to work in texture, utilizing all the senses from touch to scent, and it adds to the experience beautifully.
Squinting his eyes, he turned the book upside down, and chuckled to himself as he realised that the intricately inscribed designs were in fact, words.
I love the sly humour you’ve used :-)
Aberforth found himself suddenly riddled with a sad, morose feeling. It was very rarely he had an in-depth conversation with anyone. He was quite sure that Chuck understood him at times, but there was the speech barrier. As clever, witty, and talented as Aberforth was, he couldn’t speak goat.
Awww! I like how you’ve worked this in. See? Your Aberforth has facets.
“There’ll be next year. S’long as no twittering birdies do interfere with my eggs, you hear?”
*laughs* An absolutely perfect way to end it. Brava!
Author's Response: I know I already PM'd you, but coming back, this is a review you really want to read on a day that's been a bit low, and it'll brighten you up. You've made me remember what it was to be a newbie, writing this for fun and it really, really made me happy you chose to review this :)
my story! which i just submitted again! i know why i got rejected before, thanks to the reminder of rules now on the main page, and hopefully that was the only reason. *fingers crossed*
Author's Response: Happy to help, my dear, PM/email me when It's up! ♥
=D I love this story, Steph, how come you are so good? I am the biggest Chuck fan...
Anyhoo, congrads on getting this up!!!I just have to put this quote in coz it is so genius and hilarious
“The big straight circle… the smile… the crown… the shoe… the stick, then the half-smiley, then we put… a… squiggly… line… done.”hehehe
well,, i better go, i have a Chem test in like 10 minutes and all i know is that phenolphthailene(sp?) is pink. I like pink. So im going to fail because all i can think of is pink streawberry milk. oh well...
Author's Response: Phenolpthaleine - I had to keep spelling it for my science teacher last year. It's the universal indicator for acids and bases. Yay for Chem! But I'm not mathematic enough - in other words, I AM, but I just can't be bothered with all the mathematical stages. *giggles* I was like... how did i learn how to spell my name? And Chuck was my favourite, from the moment I wrote "Ya!" And I just.. had ot give hi a hill billy name, lol. THanks again for stopping by, my lovely Kali! Many hugs, and good luck with your story! ♥
Abeforth rocks ;-) I'm sorry I haven't talked to you lately, two more weeks until the end-of-term exams!!!! Gah.
*SQUEE for Steph and Aberforth*
Author's Response: LOL, thanks Dawnie. I had a lot of fun writing Aberforth. He;s so eccentric, and so loose that he's so random - I can be myself! ♥
Go Steph! It's UP! and.... now I have to find time to read the half you haven't sent me. It'll happen eventually... Congratzultations!
Author's Response: Thanks, Juli! Just what I needed today! Well, it's all on here, all freee of typos, mistakes, etc. Oh, and part of it has been changed. ♥