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Reviews For Beneath The Shell

Name: Valentinia (Signed) · Date: 07/07/06 16:15 · For: Chapter 1
Interesting, interesting. I love the way you characterize baby Tonks, though I think it might have been better if she were a little older (say six or seven). She acts a bit mature for a four-year-old. I also enjoyed Bella, though she seems a little ooc, but I agree with you that she wasn't always bad. The ending is also very good, because the rearder kind of wonders if Tonks ever saw the beautiful woman she had met at the beach in Bella later, in a duel or something. All in all, very good.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I thought about making Tonks a bit older, but I really felt that she needed to be extremely young for it to work, especially considering she would have only been around nine when Bella went to prison. Anyway, you hit on the idea I've been thinking about for a sequal. I haven't got all the kinks worked out yet, but I do plan to write a story where Bella and Tonks meet again, and I think it will be during a battle. Anyway, thanks again, for reviewing.


Name: TOMROHT (Signed) · Date: 07/05/06 16:09 · For: Chapter 1
Good story! I love Tonks, and I can definitely understand that she could've been quite a handful as a child...teenager...adult...yeah...

I agree that there must be another side to Bella...surely she wasn't born evil...

Nice job!

TOMROHT

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Tonks is fun to write, no matter what age. I'm glad you enjoyed my story, and agree that Bella can't be all bad.


Name: StellaSirius (Signed) · Date: 06/23/06 16:08 · For: Chapter 1
Again, a beautiful story. And I, again agree with you. I think that Bellatrix was malicious, but you see people like Draco, who are the nastiest, until they know something is wrong. Well, Bellatrix can't have no heart at all. It's impossible. It's just two sizes too small.

Author's Response: Hehe! You're great! This is my third review from you. :) I'm glad you like my work, it means a lot.


Name: Kelin (Signed) · Date: 06/21/06 20:01 · For: Chapter 1
Oh, yeah, and sentence structure: "She did blah blah blah. She looked blah blah blah. She was blah blah blah." Eh. Try to vary your placement of subjects and predicates.
Wow, I just realized I sound SO MUCH like my English teacher. Ick! Hope you don't mind!

Author's Response: (see below)


Name: Kelin (Signed) · Date: 06/21/06 19:59 · For: Chapter 1
Awwww... Such a sweet and sad story! You are definitely on your way to great future fanfics! My advice - work a tad more on description of characters and how their emotions (possibly) show on their face/body language, etc. Additionally, your sentences are a little too short here and there, making them choppy. Try to integrate more conjunctions and semicolons to create a smoother flow.
Great work!

Author's Response: Glad you enjoyed the story. You do sound a bit like an English teacher, but no, I don't mind. I like constructive critism. Thanks for the review.


Name: mcgonagallfan (Signed) · Date: 06/19/06 6:28 · For: Chapter 1
That was soooo beautiful...
10 stars!!!!!!

Author's Response: Thank you very much!


Name: hogwartswannabe (Signed) · Date: 06/18/06 21:38 · For: Chapter 1
that was such a good story!! i don't think bella's as bad as she seems either. you wrote it really well, and i love how you described tonks!!!

Author's Response: Thanks! This is one of my favorite stories that I have on this site. I really love the idea of Bella being able to reach out to a little girl, without even knowing she was her niece. I'm glad you liked too. Thanks for reviewing!


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