You have a lovely way with words. I know you write poetry, too, so perhaps this explains it. There is such a rhythmic flow to your writing--the way the words and syllables are stressed and placed really makes the meaning and feeling in this piece shine.
For some reason, the line evening is a false pretender really captured my interest. It sounds like a song title, and you can just imagine the emotional story that is laced between those words. Anyhow, you do Remus justice here. I also liked the bit with Dumbledore, where they both know that Remus is lying, yet neither feels the need to address it. So true to both characters. Anyhow, I hope you continue to write wonderful stories like this. You're very talented.
Author's Response: Thank you so much, cor_leonis. I think you've found out already that every metaphor, word - or at least I try - are put and placed in a way to express emotions and tell of a story past. I am happy the dialogue sounds well. That spesifiyed time with Remus and Dumbledore I especially tried to do justice: it was one of the time there was a real conversation, and due to the importance of it I had to convey the feeling that those two person stand close enough to each other to understand that the other don't want to talk about it. In general, I wanted to convey the feeling of companionship, and that Dumbledore wasn't there to ask out about it, but to just be there. Be the comforter. Because Remus severely needed it at that time, and it was those words - those wise, deliberate words of Dumbleo (which I too used a lot of time on) - was the beginning of turnaroud for Remus, and therefore to the story too.
I think I read half of this without breathing.
I only noticed when I did draw breath, at the end.
Author's Response: Oh god. You're leaving me speachless in just two lines, PP; that was exactly the emotion I wanted to convey. Thank you!
Author's Response: Thank you for discussing this in the DADA class, by the way. :)
That was such a touching piece of writing. I do wonder if you mean 'lose' in this sentence- 'Anything, he thinks, making him think until he looses all thoughts.' Other than that, I don't think anything confused me. I thought the emotion you put into this was fantastic. It was frighteningly realistic, as if perhaps we all live in our past a little bit.
The end especially was quite poignant because he seemingly burns all of his memories and yet still wants to tell Sirius things whilst knowing that he can't...Lovely work.
Author's Response: Good thoughts, on the ending; quite the same way my thought-process moved in the beginning, when I was (still) wondering on how the ending should be, and should be written. One more thing that could be interesting to note: the pictures - what if they are the ones speaking directly to him (Remus) in the cursive text?
Sorry for this late reply: intended to reply the same day I saw it, but got distracted, then forgot.
Many thank yous for your opinions; is appreciated.
This is an awesome story! I love it! It is written in such an intersting way. I admire your writing talent, expecially for writing it in present tense. I have tense problems, so I give you props for that. I have not much else to say other than I loved it, but I've already said that anyway. I've added it to my favorites. : D
Author's Response: I'm flattered, Gabby. Thank you very much! (As for present tense, it's surprisingly easy to write after doing it a few weeks.) =)
This is the kind of story that I wish I could write myself. Do you know that feeling that you get when your heart is full? Being near tears without crying, as you're in awe of the spell. I really feel as though you've harnessed some of that in a story, and that's how I felt while I was reading this.
Remus Lupin is my favorite character and I really like how you've portrayed him. I can tell that you must respect Remus' character a lot, too, because you understand him so well. The line towards the end - about mostly living - (I love how you used it for effect, you know the strength of it) is just so beautifully Lupinesque that it made me catch my breath! Excellent storytelling!
The prose is very lovely. I'd like to have it in audio format read by a gentle English accent. It flows very soothingly along; very naturally, too. "He thinks that if full moons didn't exist, this would be his boggart" -- gosh, that was genius! I've had to come back to this story three times just to get a grasp on it. It's very melancholy and just haunting, in a wonderful way. My other favorite touch? The "Sirius-" at the end; it gives the impression that Sirius, despite Remus' moving on, still lingers there, in memory, if not in photograph. It's a great title, too, by the way. =)
I'm sorry, I don't want to ramble - but this is a truly wonderful fic and I think that you have great promise as an author of anything!
Author's Response: Er, rambling? Ever since I saw this review I was wondering how to, possibly, reply: it was so eloquently written, structured (not rambling, not annoying), I didn't think I could reply back in a satisfactory manner. I don't think I can now either, but I want you to know how dearly I appreciate it. I am flattered, perhaps even a little too much. (Especially flattered that you liked the prose: I do, sometimes, sacrifice proper grammar to get sentences flowing allright.) Thank you for such a great review, stardust! *blushes* =)
Author's Response: And on another note: I adore your work, as well. The story of Hermione and Lupin is beautifully heart-wrenching/sad. And it's on my faves.
i loved it. it sheds a totally new light on remus. well done!
Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm glad you found my perspective on Remus interesting. =)
Wow. This is amazing, too! HBP, do you have some sort of secret writing tool that allows you to come up with spectacular and sometimes haunting words in parenthases? I think you do.
Or maybe you're just an amazing writer.
This is spectacular! Once again, you have, to quote you, befuddled my mind and thoughts in a good way not because I didn't understand what you were saying, but because you can tell a story so poetically and reading feels like reading... a dance. Do you know what I mean? Like when someone's dancing so gracefully and you're just watching like... wow. But this is a story and it's so good!
I read this quote in your siggy and thought it was a famous quote of some sort:
The world is strange, he remembers, then; strange and old and sometimes dead, but mostly, it is living.
But then I read it in your story and realized, oh my goodness, YOU wrote it! I was awed. You come up with incredible quotes and this story is brilliant.
Author's Response: *blushed fiercly*
Why thank you so much! Again I have no idea how to reply to such a lovely review. Although I want to mouth something more than just a "thank you", as last time, I can't. I could try, but my words would embarrasedly stumble onto themselves, stumbling and stumbling and stumbling until they are but defeated old words, ineluctable ... And concerning that quote, I'm very fond of it myself; I think it fits quite much with how Remus watches the world.
(And what a beautiful comparison between a dance and prose - I'm awed, and a very rhapsodic that you compare my writing to that.)
Thank you, JTC! Thank you very much! *hugs* *shares some cookies*
Author's Response: And thank you, dear, for putting me on your favourites. It made my day seeing my work actually pays off! =)
I had meant to review this the moment I read on your LJ that it was up. Honest. But alas, other things kept me from it, and I am only here now. I've lately become a horrible person in reviewing when I mean to, so in a way you are lucky I even made it here. *sigh* Right, so, I'll move on with the actual review...
Nothing short of amazing, James. Really. It was just beautiful and heartwrenching and so well written that I'd expect it from someone a lot older. It's talent, is what it is. I think my favorite line would have to be (and trust me, it is so hard to choose only one): (time never tripping, or falling, but in a sense, a half-tune—drawn out, blue—, perpetually breathing.) I remember when you posted it in Excerpts, and even now it stands out to me. It's just so perfect. The wording is impeccable and beautiful. I don't know what else to say.
You captured Remus so perfectly in this. His thoughts about Sirius's betrayal, about his life, about his past...they're all spot on and so saddening, but so Remus. His burning the photographs at the end is perfect. Everything is perfect. Gah, I know I just keep saying that, but it's true.
Superb work and excellent first fic (psht, my first was so much worse). And it's getting a place in my favorites. =)*claps for James*
Author's Response: I wrote this huge reply some days ago, but it just vanished. And I became a little defeated when it did.
But this beautiful reply verily needed a reply, and I couldn't really live it empty like that.
When I first looked at this review, I didn't know how to express myself without rabbling on incoherently, because, in a way, I was rendered speachless (only thinking, to some sort of innate music, "thank you, thank you, thank you").
I am still really happy you liked the story, and very flattered you think I've got talent. It means a lot to me. (And I also need to agree with you that "time never tripping, or falling ..." was the best sentence, or at least structure wise--the one with the most impact, me thinks, was "the world is strange ...". ) But what I'm the most happy about is that you liked my portrayal of Remus. It is the best thing an author can hear when you've spent months trying to understand his character, the way he thinks, and what he thinks of, which is perhaps even more important than the way he thinks it.
This review made me smile from ear to ear the first time I read it, and it still does. So thank you so much for this review. =)
Author's Response: Gah, I meant 'leave', not 'live'. *looks furiously at keyboard*
Author's Response: I didn't notice until now, but OMG! Thank you ininitely much for putting this story on your favourites. Really! Thank you!
Oh, wow! Reading the entire thing, now, I understand the sentences. Poor Remus! An excellent job there, HBP! Well done!
Author's Response: Poor Remus, indeed; I don't often read a person which such a painful history in his live, and I think that's mostly why I enjoy writing him. Thank you very much, hogwartsduchess! Don't know what else to say. =)
Author's Response: with*
This is beautiful, James! And beautifully written.
The picture motif guides us through this story and helps us to better understand the happenings. I like how he reacts at the end, burning everything. But I bet he will regret that one day. Poor Remus!
My favourite sentence-fragment is:
a lone corner where he can roll them up in scrolls, to gather patinas of dust, not to return. I love this imagery!
Author's Response: He will, won't he? But not before after he realises--or finds, perhaps?--that Sirius is guilty. And in a way I think burning the pictures was the best thing he could do--they had been the reason for his suffering (reminding him of his past), and burning them showed (perhaps to himself, as well?) that he was stepping away from his past and into the future, going on with his life. When he burned the pictures which was the first hint thatDumbledore's word had had an significant impact on him. Thank you for such a lovely review, Anna! I
Author's Response: I have no idea what happened with my response in the end, there. I meant "When he burned the pictures, that was the first hint that Dumbledore's words had had a significant impact on him." rather than what it said now. And when I wrote "... Sirius is guilty.", I meant "... Sirius is not guilty.". ::frantically searches for edit button::
Very intrigueing, a little confusing in parts but I liked it and I understand that it was because those were his thoughts. Nice job!
Author's Response: I was waiting for someone to say that; in a way I inteded this story to be confusing. I wanted it to be one of those stories you need to read a second time, or third time, to fully understand. In a way I think that is what made it intriguing, no? Thank you for a lovely review!
Wow, this is really beautiful and poetic. I love how you alternate between the "voices" in the photographs and the thoughts going through Remus' head. Your story really makes me sad for him; it gives us so much insight into how lonely, empty, and utterly lost he must have felt after losing all his friends in a single night. I'm so glad you decided to share this with us!
Author's Response: I'm utterly surprised you managed to understand it was the "voices" from the photgraphs that spoke, taunted him in the opening. I didn't believe many would catch that association between the title and the photographs and the cursive parts. I'm also so glad you liked it - and the feeling you was left with in the end, that was the feeling I wished for - that feeling of of loss and emptiness as you understand how hollow he must have been that night. Thank you, Neta! =)
that was absolutely beautiful. i am being very sirius.
he he he.
but i am being serious (i just had to put the last one in.)
this is definitely going on my favorites. :)
ps. i am the first reviewer! yay!
Author's Response: Thank you, evrlastingdreamer! And on your favourites, too? Oh god! Thanks!