Reviews For I, Eregonian . . .
Reviewer: Emilth
Date: 06/01/07 17:28
Chapter: Thundarians Don't Exist, or Play Nicely With Others

Haha, I made a Mugglenet account just so I could review this. It's like stalking to the 12839404 degree, no?

ANYWAYSS! You use very big words. I'm impressed. My vocabulary is itty bitty. I just demonstrated it there by saying itty bitty instead of infinitesimal or something.

Soo . . . I'm in love with this story basically?

Luff,
Emilth

P.S. Guess who I aammm!!

Author's Response: *Sigh* Thanks, Emilth. You only slightly scare me.

Reviewer: FuNnYcIdE
Date: 05/06/07 23:56
Chapter: Thundarians Don't Exist, or Play Nicely With Others

Very lovely, I enjoy the artisticness of Eregonian's speech.

~Keep On Writing;)

Author's Response: Have no fear. I am outlining the next chapter as I think. But, my computer is in Ohio, and I am in Wyoming, so, it may be a while. Alas. :^ (

Reviewer: bgsthpfanever
Date: 01/23/07 21:45
Chapter: Gold Bands and Striped Geraniums

i think he had to get married to someone other than his girlfriend but im not positive let me know if i am right!!!! this is good i like marauder times!!

Author's Response: I think that you are a very perceptive person. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: FaunaCaritas
Date: 12/26/06 23:57
Chapter: Gold Bands and Striped Geraniums

I am riveted. This is such a gripping beginning. Please do not abandon this story. I want to know what is going to happen. Badly. This chapter was such a tantalizing cliff hanger.

Hope you don't mind a little cc... my friends tell me to move to Antarctica sometimes. I can't think why... where was I? Oh yes! Back to the cc... I would like the story/plot to clarify itself a bit more in the near future. It is bordering on too mysterious. There can be too much of a good thing. It was very relieving to have Paravel clarified somewhat, and Eregonian's status there. As a reader I would like to have things explained a bit more, otherwise I foresee myself (and anyone equally or less intelligent) getting terribly confused.

Now for some (wild) guess work. The gold wrist band is obviously important. Honestly when I saw the title of this chapter-- Gold Bands and Striped Geraniums-- I thought it might have something to do with a wedding (the whole gold bands part that is, not the Striped geraniums.) When I reached the end I began to wonder if the special event Eregonian was called home for was his brother's marriage. Hot or Cold, maybe lukewarm? It would also hazard a guess that Shanis and Progonna are dead, and that their deaths are somehow tied to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. The chameleon-charmed rope part has me stumped... err, Eregonian is going crackerdog? (bonus author points if you know the reference)

I'm dying to know what is really bugging the hero, especially since I'm fairly sure my guesses are about twenty light-years off target. Please write more. I've heard authors-who-don't-update-their-stories-frequently hunting is banned in most parts of the world, but rules where made to be broken, right? Consider yourself warned.

Loving your story and your style! 9/10.

Pax

Author's Response: To be honest, you are not that far off from where I intend to go. I promise an explanation and more clarity in the next chapter.

Reviewer: fweaselygirl
Date: 11/19/06 16:28
Chapter: Gold Bands and Striped Geraniums

hi again! *waves* what happened to not waiting forever between updates? please update soon, cause i'm not the best at waiting especially for things i like. ;) ~Len

Author's Response: Ah, my apologies. College Applications and Physics problem sets kept me from Eregonian. I apologize sincerely.

Reviewer: fweaselygirl
Date: 11/05/06 20:19
Chapter: Gold Bands and Striped Geraniums

me again...please update soon, i really love this story and i'm kinda impatient. keep up the good work! ; ) ~Len

Reviewer: aintcrazy4you
Date: 10/28/06 20:50
Chapter: The Night Before

Did you get into trouble cuz we wrote each other or did you delete the reviews on purpose. I was just wondering.

Author's Response: Please don't talk to me about this here. Use some other means, please?

Reviewer: fweaselygirl
Date: 10/24/06 19:14
Chapter: Gold Bands and Striped Geraniums

i love this story so much i've decided to review again. lol. please keep up the good work. i really want to know what happens to Eregonain. i just can't help but love him, he's so great! : ) ~ Lenny

Author's Response: Awesome. That's great to hear. I like hearing this stuff. Reviews make me write better, I think.

Reviewer: aintcrazy4you
Date: 10/24/06 19:04
Chapter: Gold Bands and Striped Geraniums

Yeah, I wonder what's up with Eregonian? Pretty snippy too me. Yeah! You kept your promise and it didn't take five months to get this one out! LOL. Good job.

Author's Response: Thanks for the support. I'll attempt to warrant it.

Reviewer: deanine
Date: 10/22/06 18:58
Chapter: Gold Bands and Striped Geraniums

First off, you have some interesting ideas and it's very clear that you spent a lot of time thinking about your world, your characters, and the intricacies of their background. I commend you for that; it is one of the fundamental pillars to writing a good coherent chaptered fic.


There are some areas where you could improve. There is often a repetitive and unnecessarily formal tone to your writing. For example, you have four paragraphs on staring in the opening of this chapter. It doesn't help build tension or move the story forward. It slows the pace without adding anything.


Building a character: I think you've done a fairly good job making a character that is both flawed and interesting. He isn't very likable. Likable is not required, though interesting and readable is. :)


His interactions with the canon characters so far have been, a bit off. Please be careful that your original character doesn't pull the canon characters too far out of character. They should respond to him logically. For example, Sirius's concern and dramatic exclamations after Erego's arrival seem overstated and a bit off for him.


Some challenges you've taken on would be first person perspective and present tense. Both are challenging to maintain and can be draining/boring for a reader. It's notable that you broke perspective in this chapter, switching randomly to a third person perspective when the Marauders were exploring outside his bed. You need to be consistent with your perspective.


There are some minor typos still slipping through. In the following sentence, I think you mean I where you have a.


Example:


At the moment he finishes speaking, a throw open the seventh year boys’ dorm door. It slams satisfyingly against the wall, echoing through the dorm. I like that sound.


Overall, I think you have a solid core idea and with time the other pieces will continue to come together for you. Beta readers are an excellent tool for making this happen. Good Luck.

Reviewer: fweaselygirl
Date: 10/22/06 17:26
Chapter: Gold Bands and Striped Geraniums

hey i really like this chapter. i'm glad i could be an ispiration for you. lol. keep up the good work! ~ Lenny ; )

Reviewer: FuNnYcIdE
Date: 10/22/06 15:57
Chapter: Gold Bands and Striped Geraniums

Lovely Chapter!
Keep On Writing;)
P.S. Thanks for the quick update

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the quick review too! Would you like to take part in the What's-Eating-Eregonian on-line contest? Rules are simple. Just tell why you think Eregonian is behaving out of his apparent character. First prize is the biggest kudo I can lay hands on and also it into the CD reciprocal of my computer. Contact me if you are interested in competing in that contest . . .

Reviewer: fweaselygirl
Date: 10/13/06 22:20
Chapter: The Difference Between Erego and Eregonian

I love this! It's great and so different. Keep up the good work. And please update soon. : ) ~Lenny

Author's Response: No worries. Your review inspired me to start chapter three. Its now almost complete. Thanks for you inspiration.

Reviewer: FuNnYcIdE
Date: 10/09/06 20:10
Chapter: The Difference Between Erego and Eregonian

Very nice! Love the origionality!

Keep On Writing;)

Author's Response: Thanks. I'll try to keep it original. Thanks also for the review.

Reviewer: aintcrazy4you
Date: 10/09/06 19:34
Chapter: The Difference Between Erego and Eregonian

Okay hi again! Man, has it been five months since you've updated? Tsk, tsk. Though I still don't know how to pronounce Eregonian's name I still liked. A lot. Now don't wait five months to update the next one okay?

Author's Response: All right. I promise not to let five months to elapse before the next chapter. THANKS FOR THE REVIEW! (I pronounce Eregonian's name "Ere-ah-goh-knee-an". But that is probably just me.)

Reviewer: FuNnYcIdE
Date: 09/07/06 11:18
Chapter: The Night Before

Pretty much one of the most unique stories I've read in a while.
It is quite amazing!

Keep On Writing;)

Author's Response: Thanks for the feed back. And to be honest, I must completely agree with you. I hope that you will keep reading this story.

Reviewer: Alexys_Nicole
Date: 07/02/06 2:10
Chapter: The Night Before

This is me aintcrazy4you but I'm at Alexys's house again. When I got to the pool I only got to swim for 30 minutes because it started raining.(Lola: It's like god has put a curse on her! So everytime finally goes out it starts raining! And also hi! Hasta La Pasta!) Uhh... bye. Hope you have a good nights sleep. Bye(again.) (Lola: Don't let Voldemort Avada Kedavra you in your sleep....or let the bed bugs bite! Goodnight!) Bye

Author's Response: Whoa. You guys should contemplate getting more sleep yourselves. Why would Voldy want to Avada Kedavra me? Seriously, it sounds as though someone is sleep deprived. I didn't think that it rained that often in Arizona. Musta been some rain to have to close the pool . . . Well, yeah, I'm outta here again. 'Night. (Theory of a Deadman is an awesome band too. (I'm listening to them now.))

Reviewer: aintcrazy4you
Date: 06/17/06 16:23
Chapter: The Night Before

This story is really weird. The first time I read this I thought it was written in medieval times then you mention the Marauders and then I got confused. Okay, it was...okay?...but very weird.

Author's Response: All right, I can explain the, what was it?, weirdness. Eregonian lives in a society which is very similar to our medieval times. But, Eregonian also lives in, well, an alternate universe. By the grace of a forgotten branch of magic which belongs to his people, there are a series of portals which pass to other universes. Eregonian lived at about the same time as the Marauders, but in an alternate universe and society. He only crossed into the Marauders' universe, by way of one of the portals, for the purpose of his wand magic. Does that fix any of the weirdness? By the way, you just got a sneak preview into some of the secrets relieved in Chapter 2. Congratulations.

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