I love it, and I'm shocked. I don't ever, ever read slash. It freaks me out, to be quite honest. But this is just lovely. The language is simple, not overdone like some writing I've seen (including my own). This is going to sound strange, but your storytelling was so graceful. I can't think of another way to say it; everything clicked the way it was supposed to even while you maintained a good flow. I don't have any concrit-- gorgeous work, it deserved to be featured.
Author's Response: You are such a sweet reviewer! That kind of thing is exactly what I like to hear, because often I get worried about word choice and so on. Thanks so much for reviewing. :)
whoa. i've never read anything like thos before... i love it
Author's Response: :) I'm happy to hear that! Thanks for reviewing!
it was real nice...n kinda sad dat the chances of dem bein' 2gether r like...none. i specially liked the part wid them in de classroom n how susan goes on 'bout how Hannah doesn't know this n dat. I liked it a lot though i wish der was mor:)
Author's Response: :) I'm glad you liked it, thanks for reviewing!
Wow. I'm not going to say sweet, or anything because for some reason I don't think thats how this story was written. It Was very powerful, if thats the right word. The fact you use those characters compared to anyone else surprises me, but also Intrigues me, and gives a slight feeling of amazement. I enjoyed it, and i hope that you'll write more in this section, or category.
Author's Response: :) Thank you very much, I really appreciate this. I probably will continue to write rarepairs and slash (they're two of my favorite categories). Thanks for reviewing!
Wow. That's the story of my life placed at Hogwarts. No joke. only I'm Susan, and my BFF's Hannah. The only difference being I'm bi-curious.
-Your Perfect Enemy-
Author's Response: :) I'm glad it's so accurate. I myself have never been in that situation, so I'm really happy to hear that people in that situation can relate to it! Thanks for reviewing. :D
wow that was...different i wish it was a bit longer but it was cool
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! :)
Wow! I normally don't read rarepairs, and I thought this was wonderful! I'm not really a fan of femmeslash either, but this flowed so naturally, and smoothly! Maybe you'll write a companion one-shot to this? =)
Author's Response: :D Thank you! I don't think I'll write a companion to it, I tried and it's nowhere near as good. I think I'll quit while I'm ahead. ;) Thank you for the sweet review!
*gasp* I love this so much. [I love rarepairs, too. I mean how many stories can you write about Ron and Hermione? @.@]
I normally don't like first person point of views -- that said, it wasn't until several paragraphs in I realised that this was first person. It was immediately enrapturing, and the point of view is so honest, and so pure, that I hardly noticed. I really admire how well this flows. It's the perfect example of a character's internal monologue, and it moves fluidly. Furthermore, the narration is so free of superfluous descriptions, that I feel myself, as a reader, being drawn to the characters and emotions. You're descriptions are concise and fitting and bring just the right amount of imagery, conjuring it to the reader's mind before they realise it's there, and all the while, the focus is on Susan.
I enjoyed the Butterfly scene, with the following mention of them being in a cocoon of love. And the charm, and 'it matches your eyes', *sigh*. These are all the little hints and touches that bring the story into it's own as a piece.
The best part, really, is how accurate it is. Of all the feelings you have when you love someone so close to you. Feeling like you're always trying to hide something everyone can see, and spending every moment with that person torn between enjoying yourself and fearing the day they'll find out.
I'm not going to criticise anything. Nothing in this world is perfect, so maybe I could comb over this all day and find something tiny that could make this better, but I'd rather just have you leave it the way it is. It's very beautiful, and I'd love to see a continuation or a companion.
This is the kind of story that comes once in a blue moon :)
Author's Response: *beams* Thank you sooo much! I'm so glad this story is so successful, because when I first wrote it, it was going to be a chaptered story, and that was just the prologue. Then I got stuck and couldn't write on it for a long time, and then I picked it up and turned it into a one-shot, and now I love it! :D Eeeee, when I saw this review I actually had to keep from squeeing because my parents were already asleep. ^_^ Thank you so much for reviewing, and I'm so glad you like it! :)
Hey TF! Okay, let me say one thing before I do anything else...I don't read slash at all, but this was beautiful. Everything was so sweet and flowing; it felt natural. Kudos on your wonderful style! This is a unique pairing and I'm glad you're not a afraid to write it! Wonderful job!
Author's Response: Ooh, thanks, Mari! That's so sweet. I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for the review. :)
sweet. very sweet.
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, I'm glad you liked it. :)
Firstly, I’d like to say well done on writing Femmeslash! Not many people take that leap, so well done first off! I must admit, I was a little dubious clicking on the link, when I noticed the cat was Femmeslash, and even more so when I saw your warning; but as soon as I started to read the text, I was caught. I had to read it a second time to see even the smallest flaws. The first time was just … so seamless, smooth. Wonderful.
One of the things I picked up on straight away, was that Susan’s emotions sounded just like a boy’s. At first, I thought that perhaps this could be bad, but then, I realised - Femmeslash, homosexuality – they’re just the same as any other type of sexuality. It doesn’t matter if one character is female, one is male, both are female, both are male. The gender of the lovers doesn’t matter; it’s the feelings that blossom through the text. I thought that without isolating Susan, by making her different because of her gender, you managed to make it sound, well, normal. I mean, if someone not necessarily taken to Femmeslash were to read it, they wouldn’t be able distinguish immediately whether it was a girl on girl pairing. Sometimes, this can be a negative, but here, it’s fabulous. It adds to the complexity of the story, and builds strength throughout the paragraphs. Well done with that theme.
A few nit-picks. (Brit-picks?) - “…sent down from Heaven to make me realize how boring my life was…” I noticed that a couple of times you spelt ‘realise’ with a ‘z’. It’s just me nit-picking Americanisms. It’s not all that important.
“…but I can't stop thinking "what if?" Maybe you could change this slightly, insert a comma, and a capital letter. It depends on your beta, and what they usually do. I would suggest inserting a comma after ‘thinking’.
“She hugs me goodbye and doesn't know that I never want to let go. She doesn't hear my heart beating loudly against my chest as if it wants to jump out, and so she doesn't know.” There’s nothing wrong with this. I just wanted to say how nice and sweet it was. The longing, lust and pent up desire is expressed beautifully through these lines. They leapt out at me, and in a way represent the frustration going on in Susan’s head. The quick delivery of the lines suits the mood.
All in all, a wonderful fic. You definitely made me think twice about reading Femmeslash now. If all were like this, I wouldn’t hesitate one bit. Well Done!
Author's Response: I <3 long reviews like this! You're such a sweet reviewer. :)
Ah, the Brit-pick. I'm normally quite careful with those, because I like British spellings better than American ones! Oops.
Yeah, you're right. I wrote this a really long time ago, when I wasn't as good as I am now, but it was too short to submit then, so I finished it and spruced it up a lot. I guess I missed a few things.
Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm glad you liked it! :)
That was so wonderfully sweet. It's nice to see you take on an unusual pair. Especially Hannah and Susan. It doesn't even feel weird. You make it seems natural and, as I said, sweet.
Author's Response: Really? Thank you! That's so sweet :) Thanks for reviewing!
im a little disappointed that this is a one shot. it is a great story however, because i can relate to it. im a girl whos in love with a girl(a.k.a my best friend)and it reminds me of the first time i realized this.but, if anything, i could write the next few chapters for you, b/c this story is good enough to deserve chapters. just send me an email.
Author's Response: Well, I'm glad you liked it so much, but I'm afraid there won't be any chapters. I can only concentrate on one chaptered fic at a time, and as I've already got a two-part chaptered fic in the making, this one won't be getting any chapters anytime soon. I think I'll stick to one-shots until my chaptered fic's finished, which should be a loooong time from now. Sorry, but I'm glad you liked it that much! Thanks for reviewing. :)
*wipes a tear from eye* This is definately my favourite fiction of yours, you write slash so well, *giggles and points to Swimming thread @ EP* I love that you've used two, not so well known characters from Hogwarts and made them your own! Fantastic work
Author's Response: Aww thanks Shug :D You know, this started out as a prologue, but when I decided to make it a one-shot, I had to make it a lot longer LOL! It was only about 600 words at the time. Hmm, I must go reply to Adrianna at EP soon. *huggles, buggles and uggles* Thanks for all the lovely reviews! Xxx
It's beautiful. I appreciate your writing femmeslash as most slash writers even tend to stay away from it.
Author's Response: Aww, thank you! I love femmeslash, and Hannah/Susan is one of my favorites. I love Hufflepuffs as well. *giggles* I was going through really bad femmeslash withdrawl at the time, since there's almost nothing but Hermione/Ginny, which I can't stand. So I decided to remedy that and wrote my little Hannah/Susan one-shot. Thanks for the review! :)
It's unique, and I like unique. Good job and keep up the good work! ~HStarRunner23
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! I get so tired of the "main" ships that I've delved into the world of rarepairs, and Hannah/Susan has become one of my OTPs (yes, I know it stands for One True Pairing). Thanks for the review :)
dis is verry good, i luv it. 9/10
Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked it :)