Hi! I don't know the tube, but I really enjoyed this! The rhyme scheme was beautiful and I rather thought that this fit Hermione.
A few changes would really help the rhythm:
In the last line of your first stanza, I think it would work better to add the word "one" in front of "glass shoe."
For the second stanza, the last line would flow better if it had "this one glass shoe." Just take out "a" and substitute "this one."
For the last stanza, it would work better if the last two lines read as such, "I guess I've cut my heart on this one glass shoe/I must have cut my heart on this small glass shoe."
Other than that, the rhythm was fine! :) Way to go. I hope you keep writing.
wow thats fab !!!! :) :) :) :) :) thumbs up x
awh! i love this. i would love to know the tune of this by the way!!
wow. wow . thats it. wow
Author's Response: Thanks so much-you have no idea how good it is to hear that on a crappy day. I'm so glad you liked it! -Daisy
That was so good! Short and sweet. It's amazing how well this works with the actual Idon'tknowwhattocalit. Hermione was Cinderella and Krum was the prince and then Ron was the pauper, right?
Author's Response: You're absolutely right! I'm so glad you liked it. Thanks so much for taking the time to let me know. -Daisy
Wow that was great!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I love writing music as well as short stories. Glad you enjoyed it. -Daisy
Wow! This was such a great poem/song! I loved it!
Great refrences to Krum as a prince and Ron (it was Ron, right? I'm sure of it) as the pauper. Usually I don't go for poetry, but this one was great. 5 stars, 10/10, yada yada. This one's going on my favs list. ;)
Author's Response: You are absolutely right! (I admit I have a major soft spot for Ron/Hermione!) I'm so very glad you liked it. I'm trying to find a way to get it recorded. Thanks for writing! -Daisy
Hi im searerofsimplencty, and i still want it on cd, you are a wonderful author, also i have two storys in quee so please review.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your kind words! I am still working on getting it recorded. (i'll let you know ASAP.) It'll probably have to be a sound file for now but I've had people hint that I should make a CD of some of my other songs, so that may end up being a long-term project. I'd be happy to review your work too. Hugs- -Daisy
Can you put it on a cd?
Author's Response: I can see-I'm trying to get together with my accompanist to get the guitar part straght first. I'll let you know ASAP. Thanks- Daisy
Is the prince harry and awsome! you are awsome
Author's Response: Actually the prince is Krum. (The rich man she went to the ball with.) I'm so thrilled that you liked it. -Daisy
This is a really well written piece, I really enjoyed reading it! I thought the last stanza with the glass slipper semi-metaphors (or however you would describe it - I'm not sure!) were really well done in particular. Also the prince and pauper references were very good - in-keeping with both canon and the poem! I don't know much about poetry, and I don't usually read it, but I thought that this was amazing! I can't wait to see more of your writing - poetry or otherwise! (Also, I would like to hear the tune if possible!)
Author's Response: Wow-you made my day!!! I have a friend with an MP3 player who said she'd be willing to record it. I'll contact you and give you the info. Thanks- Daisy
Good job. I really liked this. It may be a song, but it sounds good as a poem too.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the kind words-I'm really glad you enjoyed it! -Daisy
Wow. I really like this poem. It really shows Hermione's point of view. It's really good.
Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it! Thanks so much for taking the time to let me know. -Daisy
I know how Hermione feels... 'one night to live a fairytale, every young girl's dream . but someone else's fantasy is never what it seems'... This poem goes on my Favorites!
Author's Response: You just made my day!!! Thank you so much for letting me know you liked it. -Daisy
To say you're talented isn't saying enough. I love the way you portrayed Hermione's thoughts...very sweet.
5 stars : )
Author's Response: Thank you so much-that means so much to me. Glad you liked it! -Daisy
I love it! Really classy. Just a few things, however. Who is the prince? What song is this based on? Why can't I write stuff like this? Really good though.
Author's Response: The prince I referred to was Krum. (the guy all of the other girls wanted to be with!) I wrote teh tune adn the lyrics myself-it's all original!!! I'm trying to find a way to send it out it anyone wants it-a friend has an MP3 recorder: so I'm trying to tape it. Thanks for writing! -Daisy