Oh....I liked this. *tear* This was sad but good. *wipes away tear* Very good.
Author's Response: Thank you, dear.
Interesting one shot. It's truly unique - I can safely say that there's no other story quite like it out there in cyberspace.
It was a clever tactic, one that might have been accidental, to start with Harry and end with Dumbledore.
Harry is the main person - the prime. He's the one who's had it tough all his life, and that will no doubt continue. And all of a sudden, when he thought things were brightening up, Sirius dies. The feelings that you portrayed in him are very realistic, you've got his section down well. Starting with his section did not only give that Bang! that a story needs in the beginning, but it also defined the point that I just mentioned - Harry is ultimately the one who has it the worst.
I didn't like Tonk's section very much, because it appeared quite superficial and mild. Her feelings were not brought forth in a way that made the reader feel something. In all the other sections, I could feel what the characters felt. I could practically perceive their anguish and heartbreak. But reading Tonk's section, I didn't feel anything at all. Her section was almost selfish, in a way. She kept going on how her skills are diminishing, and how much an impact Sirius' death is having on Remus and so on. It would have been better if you focused on her feelings about Sirius' death, rather than her feelings on how that death affects others.
I am only saying that because the other sections seemed to focus on their respective characters' feelings about the incident, but Tonk's is different.
Maybe you meant to do that, and by doing it you only clarified what we already know - that Tonks is divergent. But her section stood out...and didn't quite boost the story much.
Remus' part was profound, and I loved it. You painted a lovely picture of his feelings, and it showed. One thing I want to comment on - you use the phrase 'God' or "Oh, God' thrice, yet there wasn't any mention in the books that Remus, or any other wizard/witch is religious. If you wanted to have some sort of fimiliar phrase, then I think 'Merlin' would have worked better.
Dumbledore's section wrapped things up; made it final. Out of all the sections, I love his the most, because it is true to his character wholly, and I can see him saying something like that. It's final, brings the last blow and ends the one shot spectacularly.
Overall, this was a fantastic fic, and I congratulate you for a job well done!
*loves on your review* Let's see....It seemed to me that those four would be the most touched, each in a completely different way than each other, by Sirius's death. To Harry, it's the death of an adult/father-figure/friend. For Tonks, it's a family member. For Remus-I'm reminded of a poem by W.H. Auden called Stop All the Clocks. This is the third stanza: "He was my North, my South, my East and West/ My working week and my Sunday rest/ My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong." *shivers* And for Dumbledore...it's hard to describe what Sirius's death meant for Dumbledore so I won't even try.
I would say that Harry has it pretty bad, but the fact is, how long did he really know Sirius? He's mourning what could have been and Remus is mourning over twenty years of what was
Tonks was very superficial and mild. I don't relaly know how much it affected her. As much as Sirius is a cousin of hers, they were first cousins once removed, Sirius is quite a bit older than her and would have been in Azkaban by the time she was old enough to remember him-if, in fact, Sirius had anything do do with her before. Remember, the Tonks' were expelled from the Black family. And for all that Sirius was disowned, how much time would that have given them, even before you factor in the age difference? Hers is supposed to be more of an outsider's view on it.
I've got many mentions about the 'God' business in my writing and how much it stands out as being very off-canon. The truth is, though, that I use 'Gods' (more pagan like) almost just as often, and when God is mentioned, it's usually through a Muggle-born or Half-blood, who would probably have been given that kind of an 'education' more than Pure-bloods. And the fact is that, with that kind of anguish, going 'Oh Merlin' does not have the same feel as 'Oh God'
I hate Dumbledore *gaspshockdisbelief* I really do; I dislike his character immensely. But I love his bit because I think that it played very true to that character, and that the last line is very profound and Dumbledore-ish.
Thank you SO much for reading
That was a great story! I actually felt all the feelings that they had and not all stories can do that...Good Job! :D
Author's Response: That's great that you related to it. Thanks so much for reading!
that was such a sad but good story! i love how perfectly who described how i thought everyone would be feeling!!
Author's Response: Thanks so much!
Wonderful place, Mugglenet Fan Fiction. First, it turns me into a toaster. Now I find out I'm a doorknob. A doorknob that makes toast, I suppose.. ;)
I really like the idea you have here. Will you be terribly offended if I tell you that I think the prose style is not up to your usual standard? I have a suspicion that some of the people you are writing here are not people you particularly feel, so to speak. Not that you have them saying things I don't think they would say (OK, I personally don't think Jo's Remus would say those things, but your usual Remus would...) but that somehow their voices are not working for me. Or maybe it is the diary format? If I manage to put my finger on it I'll let you know...
Interesting choice of people to comment. I would never have thought of including Dumbledore, and I certainly don't know why, he's an excellent choice. We don't get to see enough of him...
Toasters. Doorknobs. Doorknobs that make toast. And lemons. Oh! The overwhelming confusion!
I'm not terribly offended, honestly. It was something I scribbled down months ago; a series of drabbles that I thought might work for a one shot and apparently made Bethany (the mod) happy enough, so through it went. You are right though; I don't particularly feel any of the characters except for Remus and, since it was my early days of shipping, Remus is a bit off from the way I write him now. Then again, it's a bit of a different reaction when you're getting it in an 'I' point of view instead of the 'he' one. And I swear to God it's the only time I've used the word 'lover;' believe it or not, it happens to be number one on the list of words my family hates. It was just completely unavoidable. What else should he have used?
Well, it's Dumbledore's fault--yes, everything that goes wrong in HP is his fault, however indirectly--but it was the perfect voice to end the shot that way, dont' you think?