Now I'm doubly glad I requested a banner from you because not only do I have a stunning banner, but it meant I found this story - which is simply beautiful and utterly heart-wrenching.
You capture Ginny perfectly with just the right mix of grief, anger and isolation. The style really captures the chaos in her thoughts too and I really felt like she was lost as to what was real and what was just her memories.
The imagery was superb - it was wonderfully visual throughout, but without ever having unnecessary detail. I particularly loved the line: and all of them fall and are swept away, one by one fading into a mottley browness. Memories curling up like autumn leaves is just such a tragic image.
And the part about her not wanting the nightmares to stop because at least they meant that she could still see him was absolutely heart-breaking.
All in all a really visually stunning and touching story.
I'm speechless! Your use of prose took my breath away!
I particularly adore your use of metaphores and the awesome description. You portrayed Ginny's feelings in such a real and strong way. I L-O-V-E IT!.
Somewhere, someplace a woman is crying, crying and waiting. She sits by the hour watching the seasons change, waiting for him to return to her. Autumn fades away into winter and winter melts into spring which throws itself to summer. The earth is dead once more and then it’s winter again.
This passage is so beautiful... it builds the mood for the whole fic gorgeously.
I have to say that this Fic made me cry... something that doesn't happen very often
Thanks for writing this, dear!
Ohhh... that is so sad! Beautiful word choice "In real life there are no erasers." Great story, even though it just made me depressed, ack! ~megan~
You weave a captivating picture with lots of beautiful imagery in this story. Ginny’s pain and her longing for Harry to return, even though deep down she knows he won’t and can’t come back to her, were vividly shown in every sentence. Throughout you show, not tell, how she is feeling and what she is going through, which makes the emotions seem so much more real.
Was it weakness to cry? You need strength for it, strength to bear what you cry for, don’t you? This is such a beautiful sentence. Everyone always says crying makes you weak, but, I think, you describe it perfectly when you say it takes strength to bear what you cry for, because when you cry over something, it means you have accepted it to be true, and that can be a very hard thing to do.
And she tries to tell herself not to think about that, that she doesn't remember that. In this sentence you use the word ‘that’ quite often and in consequence it sounds somewhat forced. It would sound better if you changed ‘that’ to something else in some places. How about: ‘And she tries to tell herself not to think about it, she tries to tell herself that she doesn’t remember.’?
She knows that redemption comes with time but she didn’t want to wait, the murderer's eyes stare at her in her mind overlapping with Harry’s green ones, only the murderer’s are dead and Harry’s isn’t, and there is always a red fire burning behind. Two small things here: First, you use present tense all throughout the story and then in this sentence you put one verb – didn’t – in past tense and all the rest into present tense, ‘didn’t’ should be in present tense as well. Second, you use the plural form ‘eyes’ and then you use ‘isn’t’ when you refer to Harry’s eyes again. It should be ‘aren’t’, because you talk about both Harry’s eyes, thus making it plural.
I have to thank you for asking me to read this story, I would have missed out on something truly good if you hadn’t!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for this wonderful review! *Eeps* Just noticed those descrepencies. I will go edit now.
Okay, first things first: Somewhere, someplace a woman is crying, crying and waiting. She sits by the hour watching the seasons change, waiting for him to return to her. Autumn fades away into winter and winter melts into spring which throws itself to summer. The earth is dead once more and then it’s winter again. ~ Brilliance! I love this! It is a beautiful opening paragraph!
Your imagery is amazing! You use things that everyone can see in their minds-eye, like a snowflake, fire, ice. You use these natural, normal things to paint a haunting picture of a hurting Ginny. It is gorgeous!
I had a few little qualms with it. At the end of the forth paragraph there is a break tag, you need to erase that. You are also missing a space here: filling her every thought, dream,hope in between ‘dream,’ and ‘hope.’ And starting in paragraph fifteen, it starts to get a little confusing. She was talking about dreaming before and now she is talking about the walls she puts up…but there needs to better transition into that. It is a bit confusing.
Somewhere she is all alone waiting, waiting, looking out over the horizon but all she sees is the setting sun and the sky shimmers and fades away into darkness. I love this! It brings everything together, from start to finish.
You wrote an evocative, beautiful piece of fan fiction. Be very proud!
Author's Response: Thank you so much Leahface! *steals Gabby's nickname* Transition...hmmm...must do something about that...*ponders*
wow that was so sad. Poor ginny. really well written
I promised you a review, so here it is!
First, I love this story! It’s so sad and desciptive. Especially this part: “Before the funeral she had felt a wild, uncontrollable anger. The desire to personally seek out and kill the Ministry workers. She smashed vases and glass figurines but they didn’t help in calming her down. She gradually settled but she didn’t get accustomed to it. The anger was replaced by despair and hopelessness. She had tried bullying herself into thinking he was still alive but this only made the emptiness seem larger. More prominent.” It is very true, and I like how it seems to fit Ginny perfectly. I can see Ginny being this way, and having those emotions. Really great!
The only thing is that Ghost/spirit/living dead Harry seems a bit OOC, but perhaps he has just grown wiser over the years as minister and/or death does that to people.
I love your description of the Danes and the Danish countryside! It’s like something I might see out my window in the wintertime!
So, in conclusion: I love it, and great job!
Awwww... That was really good. A little confusing at first but really good in the end.