Very Nice, I must say. You wrote this very well.
You go Mrs. Weasley!!!!!!!
Okay...that was weird. Looking at your other stories, I can say that you could probably do better. But it's good enough to pass English with at LEAST a B+.
Though I'm a DracoxHermione shipper, I really like this fic. Good job, I think you and your writing skills will go far.
very good but i wish u did an epologe to tell the readers how there life went
what this is bull
AWSOME! Great story. Will there be another chapter?
Good story...the Simon guy's an idiot, can you write an epilogue and kill him? Please?
very cute :)
OMG I LOVE IT! :)
that was cute. my OTP is Ron/Hermione but this is the first Harry/hermione ive ever liked. great story
Awww! So sweet!
You have the interesting combination of a gift for phrasing and grammar that’s not always quite on. For example:
Harry Potter did not answer; he was too busy starring across the dance floor at the woman in question, for woman she had become.
It’s a good way of saying this: it tells us that Hermione has grown up and that Harry is attracted to her, without actually saying so outright, though you misspelled “staring.”
She wore a mint green frock, with flowing skirt that came halfway down her calf where it swirled slightly around her legs and a modest halter top, ‘if’, Harry thought, ‘that was not a contradiction of terms.’
I like the simple, but more than adequate description of the dress. Lots of people have trouble with description and it tends to just run on (myself included). I think the problem with this phrase, though I like the content, is that it sounds at first like third-person narrative, but then seems to be coming from Harry’s head. It’s rather confusing. Also, Harry thinks in past tense, which people don’t do very often.
Harry searched for an antiquate word
I think you mean “adequate.”
“Some are born to be pricks, some acquire prick-ness, and some have it thrust upon them,” muttered Harry under his breath.
This I thought was perfect. The phrase, the style, very well done. Also well done, and rather funny, is the bit about Fred and George becoming the DJs.
It went down like fire, and felt like a ton of bricks had hit him on the back of the head. “Holy–”
“Another one I think,” said Ron to the bartender.
“Hell no,” breathed Harry with a strained voice, “I think I’ll just have a coke.”
Ron looked at him for a moment and then said hesitantly, “That may not be the best of ideas. The sugar, you see, might ignite. I think he’ll have a water then,”
Love it love it love it!
Harry moved off to sit in grass of the Weasley’ back yard which had been expanded for the night’s festivities.
There are a few places where you’re missing commas. One is here – there should be a comma between “yard” and “which”: “…the Weasleys’ back yard, which had been expanded…”
Ensconced in a lawn chair, with her eyes half closed, Mrs. Weasley smiled with a sense of accomplishment, really, what are sons for?
And here, this should be two sentences: “Ensconced in a lawn chair, with her eyes half closed, Mrs. Weasley smiled with a sense of accomplishment. Really, what are sons for?”
The upshot of this is that, picky though I am, you really have something good going. I’d suggest you look for a beta who’s good at grammar to run your stuff by. I think it’d pull your potential out into the open. Great job!
who sings the 2nd song?
I love it! Perfect moments to bring Harry and Hermione together! I may not be a shipper, but this is one reason I so enjoy Harry/Hermione fics.
Awwwwww that was sweet! GO H/HR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! awesome story. Keep on writing!!!
AWWW !!! thats sosooo cute !!!!!! I just love this story !! its awesome !! great job.... I loved it !!!