is this an aww or an eww moment??
Author's Response: So hard to decide... Sometimes I cringe when I read the last line, but mostly it's meant as an awww moment.
that was really cute. i loved it.
Author's Response: Fabulous! Thank you. I can't believe how popular this story has become!
dunnu nu bum-bum...I'm LOVIN' it!
Author's Response: Thanks! I am surprised at how many reviews this story has garnered. Shocked, actually.
really liked this chapter, it gives the reader alot of insight into how the parents are feeling
Author's Response: Thank you! I particuarly liked writing this one. It made me think of how it will be when my kids are that age and how I would react. Unfortunately, I think it will be along the lines of Molly's thoughts. I always said I would never think like my mother, too late!!
I have never encountered a story or attempted to even write a story like this. I think it's very hard to come up with a story where you dive into the thoughts of parents - especially about their children's sex lives. You have to make it seem real, make them actually know what they're talking about, have them not sound childish even though a child might be writing the fic, and most of all, have them imply things abour their selves in the conversation. If a story has all of these, I'd take it as a fabulous story.
Your story, I think has a bit of all of these. Not too much, not too little. I love the way you had afte thoughts of the parents. They didn't say everything they wanted out loud to the other - and in real life, I think that's the way it works. You can't say everything you want in case of either hurting someone or you might not know exactly how to say it.
I think that you've captured the character of Molly and Arthur very well. We have never seen them deal with something as deep as this so we don't really know how they would act. Yet, you kept them in character. Molly was still the over the top one - shrieking and refusing everything that her husband said. While Arthur, on the other hand, tried his best to remain calm and to have his wife see reason. The doubts that most parents would have about their children being ready to have sex and really have a life was there - you've added a bit of that in there and it made it seem VERY much realistic. In addition to all this, you happened to keep the humor in the story so it woulnd't be too serious...but will get the point across. There should always be a few smirks/laughs/giggles in a fic.
I applaude anyone who can do all this, but still have the reader wanting for more (like me right now). A fic that has the readers wanting to iknow what happens after needs congratulations and for that, I applaude and congratulate you.
Now, for the criticism.
“What about Ron?” Molly pouted petulantly. “He’s not prepared.” They’re probably doing it too.
I have to say that this is a very funny line. It adds humor into the fic. But, like Kumy said, I don't think Molly would say something like "doing it". It is a rather childish word that probably people in elementary school would use. It's not a big deal though - just pointing it out.
“Hermione is a smart girl,” Arthur pointed out fondly. “She will figure out what to do when the time is right.” If nothing else, she’ll figure out some sort of a conception blocking charm.
I like that you added this funny line simply because it shows that the parents have not forgotten that you can't really make Hermione do something she doesn't want to. Hermione is a very smart girl and if she isn't up for something, she'll find a way not to make it happen.
“What makes you think that Harry and Ginny don’t share the same kind of love?” Arthur questioned. I think that they’re pretty serious about one another. Ginny’s been in love with him since she first saw him at Platform 9 ¾.
Like I said before, I like how you added the parents lives into this. I only have two problems with this though. Yes, Ginny did have a major crush on Harry...but I don't think it was love when she first saw him. Remember that she was ten and was crying for Molly to let her go...I think the only thing she said to him was "good luck Harry". But I do agree that she had some type of crush on him from them - a childish one...maybe she thought he was cute or something. But as time went on, she realized what it really was. Another thing is that Arthur wasn't there when Ginny first saw Harry. It was only Molly dragging all five kids with her.
Overall, this was a very nicely written and enjoyable fic. We need more of these on this site. :) Nice job!!
Author's Response: Thank you for such a lovely review. I appreciate every well thought out comment and concrit you offered.
I have been wrestling with the idea of Ginny being in love with Harry for a while. I think that when Arthur said that, he was embellishing (in my head, anyway) the statement to aid his convincing argument. I don't think that Ginny was truly in love with Harry that first day on the Platform. And, yes, Arthur wasn't there. But, I'm sure that he heard all about the events from either his children or his wife. Someone in that household would have told him about meeting Harry Potter.
That being said, I feel like I must defend one of my statements that both you and Kumy commented on.
*"They’re probably doing it too."*
This was not a comment on sex.
I know it could be taken in that sense, since many people use it as a euphamism for sex now-a-days. In this case, however, I was merely using it to describe their relationship(s).
Molly was thinking that Ron and Hermione were moving too fast, just as she thought Harry and Ginny were. Her comment was meant to allude to the seriousness of their relationships in general, not just their physical ones.
Again, I think I showed my age by not realizing what a stir that statement would cause. :)
Ah...I love it.
It's wonderful to see the relationships from the parents point of view, and even more wonderful to see parents that actually back up and let their children live their own lives.
I think the characterization was spot-on, and I'm very impressed at how well you portrayed the relationship between Ron and Hermione - you have a wonderful gift for seeing the personalities behind the words.
Author's Response: Thank you!! I used my parents as a model for Molly and Arthur in this story, especially since my mom tends to be a lot like Molly anyway. I'm so honored to have a fellow Gryff stopping by and reading my work! Thanks again.
Your characterization of both Molly and Arthur is spectacular. Very in character. You also brought out the common doubts that most parents have. This was a realistic, enjoyable one-shot. *beams* Great job!
Now for the criticism...
They’re probably doing it too.
The phrase "doing it" is a childish term and it's inappropriate for a married woman with seven children to use.
She's also "petulant" when she asks, "What about Ron?" It's more likely she'd be worried. Petulance is another idea associated with small children rather than married adults.
If nothing else, she’ll figure out some sort of a conception blocking charm.
I believe contraception would be better than conception blocking. :)
“They fight like cats and dogs,” she offered. “He is stubborn and pigheaded. She is bossy and headstrong. They both think that they know what is right for the other. Ron complains about Hermione’s bossiness, but he secretly is thrilled that she pays enough attention to boss him around. Hermione chooses to point out Ron’s flaws so that he will have an excuse to talk to her. Ron is quick to act, while Hermione is quick to think. Ron’s strength lies in his ability to plan, but his hot temper can cause him to make hasty decisions. Hermione’s strength lies in her thirst for knowledge, but she goes through life with blinders that block out much that life has to offer her. Ron will open her eyes to the wonders of life, and she will force him to slow down to enjoy them. They really are a perfect match.”
I know what you're trying to do is show a breakdown of the couple, but Molly sounds like a pyschologist here - though she's probably capable of evaluating them cooly, right now she's a worried mother. I don't think she'd be able to think this through.
I suggest having Arthur say this, but then have Molly remember a moment where she saw Ron and Hermione exhibiting some of these qualities. Then, she can reluctantly admit Arthur is right.
Ginny’s been in love with him since she first saw him at Platform 9 ¾.
Though there's no doubt Ginny's loved Harry for a long time, this is cliche. There is no way a 10 year old, after catching a glimpse of a boy on a train, can truly love him. I suggest taking this line out and replacing it with another, more realistic line.
“How can you say those words, Arthur,” Molly roared.
The comma here should be a question mark.
Awesome characterization for the most part. Nice story. Great job!!!
Author's Response: Hey Kumy, Thanks for the spectaular review! I will definitely have to enter more challenges if it continues to get me incredible reviews like this. Thank you again!
I love it-just sweet enough to be fun!! (But not too much.)
Author's Response: I'm glad it came out that way. That was the way I'd hoped it would come across. Thank you for the kind words!
awww Mollywobbles! lol! Very cute! I like the longer chaptered stories better but I need to read SOMETHING good while I wait for Chapter 14! lol!
Author's Response: I thought it was especially cute. I'm glad you did too! I am so sorry about the wait! It is in the queue, and I'm sure that my Mod will get to it quickly (She rocks!) I have chapter 15 back from Beta and I am writing Chapter 16 as I type this note. Thank you for being such a faithful reviewer. It means a lot!
I liked it! So, was this set in the night that Harry and Ginny got married with the bonding spell? Great job
Author's Response: Thank you! This was actually set after H/G/R/Hr left for the Horcrux quest. Long before Harry and Ginny got married. Before the chapter where Ginny loses it because her brothers are teasing her about sex. It made me giggle when I thought about it, so I decided to write it. Thank you for such a nice review.
That was such a cute story!!! I thought it was actually really funny too. you should definitely keep writing!!!
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I modeled it after a chat I overheard my parents having. I had to use a bit of imagination to fill in the blanks, but I have a decent imagination. I can just picture my Mum and Dad thinking some of those things! If you think I'm funny, you should check out my chaptered fic *shamlessly plugs Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived*
Awwwww I like it!!!
Author's Response: Thank you! I am so grateful to get feedback on my one-shots! I didn't get much for the others, I thought maybe there wasn't any interest...
I have read them all, they all are great
Author's Response: Thank you!! I am posting them as quickly as I can. I have about 15 written, with about 5 more I'm working on...
Thats a good fic... I like it. I did put some un-wanted images in my head but oh well.
Author's Response: I'm glad you like it. I'm sorry about the images. I really am, but they couldn't be helped. I hope that they weren't too disturbing! Thank you for the review!!