Ecellent Story! I like how it is very different and a completely new idea. I hope you tell more about the trio and how they died though. Update Soon!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I try to make it as original as possible =) More information on the trio is coming very soon!
Thanks so much for your review!Eponine
Nice connection with the past. It does make one wonder what Palmyitor's agenda is.
She said she came her from er hogwarts. I think you mean she came here.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! Palmyitor's got a lot of her own tricks up her sleeve. =)
Oops! There's another one! I'll go edit right away!Thanks again so much!
Lottie does seem to have a huge chip on her shoulder, doesn't she; bickering with Andrea, glaring at Colm --I assume she is jealous because he has nicer clothes. Incidently it does seem hypocritical of her to dispise Andrea's ill fitting clothes. It does make her interesting and perhaps somewhat typical of someone who has grown up in a war zone.
It seems ironic that Lottie doesn't understand the importance of the defence against the Dark Arts since that is literally what they are fighting.
Author's Response: Yeah, Lottie does seem to be making things a bit more difficult on herself. ;) She's really young and doesn't know much about people, exept that she doesn't like people who are different.
That is a little funny, isn't it? Lottie doesn't really understand that DADA is much more than a class. Her view is very young in that way. She just doesn't like the teacher and therefore doesn't like the class. Kind of childish, huh? HeeheeThanks SO much for the review!
I notice a couple of places where Ally name was spelled Alley. But this is truly nitpicking. Good description that convey the feeling that there is a war with shortages. I applaud you for the work it took to develope your characters.
Author's Response: Wow! I can't believe I didn't notice that! Thanks so much for pointing it out; I'll go fix it!
Thanks so much! The characters have a lot of developing left to go! =)'Ponine
You paint a bleak picture of life for these children. One thing I think is odd is that Lottie hasnt done emotional magic.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Well Lottie showed a little bit of magic when she was young; that's how Alsemore knew she was magic. I just never talked about it. That's a good idea to include it though. Maybe I'll add it in somewhere!
i love this story. its so different. are you going to explain later what happened to harry? and are there any descendants of the trio left? i know there are a lot of stories about their children and and that its really worn out, but i would really love a mention at least.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! The full story about what happened to Harry is coming very soon, but the simple explanation is that he died.
Well, Voldemort won the war when Harry and Ron were seventeen and Hermione was eighteen, so there wasn't much time for having children. I do promise, though, that the trio won't be ignored! =)Thanks so much for the review!
Good chapter. I like how much personality your characters have.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review!
I'm interested in seeing where you're taking the story. keep it up.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! I hope you like where it goes!
Another excellent chapter. I really do like this world you've created. And Lottie...she may be one of my favorite OCs. I hope Lottie finds friends soon! And I want to know what happened to Harry!
Author's Response: Thanks a million! WOW! That is a compliment if I've ever seen one. Thanks so much! I've been so afraid that people won't like Lottie, so will just stop reading.
Thanks so much for the review!Ponine
Very good story so far. I am very interested in finding out how this story develops.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'll be sure to update soon.
Thanks for the review!Eponine
Fascinating chapter, I'm really enjoying this pseudo-Hogwarts. And I love your character of Lottie Rowe. Please post more!
Author's Response: Ooh thanks! I'm glad you like Lottie!
Thanks so much for the review!Eponine
Yay! New chappie! The plot thickens...
Sheesh, Andrea's rather unpleasant, isn't she? Or maybe that's just Lottie's perception of her. She is a bit know-it-all, but everyone has something they're like that about. She just has a bit more. Back out of my philosophical (I think that's right -- I really have no idea how to spell that...) moment, maybe Andrea's the Hermione of this story. In the first bits of Philosopher's/Sorceror's Stone, Hermione came across as some bossy holier-than-thou girl who didn't exactly have much in the way of looks. That's a lot like Andrea seems now. Of course, Andrea could be like that anyway, whether one knows her or not.
On the subject of Lottie's acquaintances, Ally seems to have completely forgotten about her buddy over in Palmyitor. Wonder what's up with that?... I really must stop asking these semi-rhetorical questions, since I know they're all going to be answered at some point during the story. But anyway, Ally needs a dose of loyalty to her friends -- they're going to be the ones watching her back in the war, and vice versa. Might not be too pleasant then if she decides to be Miss Priss. Of course, this is all a bit premature -- maybe Ally didn't see Lottie's wave. One can only hope...
Some of the classes seem a bit... advanced for eleven-year-olds. Occlumency? Legilimency? Someone we all know and love didn't start learning them until mid-fifth-year, and even then had more than a little trouble with it. Then again, these kids won't have Snape for a teacher, so maybe that'll help.
Yet again, I have nothing to be nitpicky about *gasp*. What am I gonna do with myself if i can't be nitpicky?! I'm meellltiiing... *mysteriously recovers* Not that there's anything wrong with that. Nope. Nothing.
All in all, another great chapter. So, where's the next one? *zombie walk* Must... have... another... *trips* Um... right.
Author's Response: Woot! Review!
Yeah... Interesting point you bring up about Andrea and Hermione, actually. I'm glad that you noticed that it could have just been Lottie's perception, though. Lottie's sort of one-sighted about things, so her view isn't always the nicest about people.I think that's the perfect term for Ally! Miss Priss, how fitting. Not everybody can have a perfect relationship like Ron and Harry, meeting and becoming best friends on the first day, so poor Lottie got sucked into Ally's trap.
Yeah, the first years have to do a lot more than the Hogwarts first years. With Occlumency and Legilmency, they don't actually start trying to fight it/break into somebody's mind for a while (a LONG while). He might do some examples, but not even the heads at Alsemore could expect a first year to be able to do Legilmency or Occlumency.Wow! That's excellent! You can thank my two amazing betas for that one.
Haha, hopefully the next chapter will be up sooner! Thanks so much for your review!
Intriguing... The very first thing that caught my eye about this story was the first line of the summary- He with the power to defeat the Dark Lord does not. That was poetic! Sammy here is a sucker for poetic-ness, so you had me from that.
Anyway, the idea of the houses being for the purpose of the war effort was just perfect for your story! I would agree with whoever it was before me that said that each holds characteristics of every Hogwarts house. For example, Maelioric members must be brave above all else, a characteristic of Gryffindor, as they are the force of the war; without them, the rebels might as well give up. However, they must also work hard (Hufflepuff) to learn how to fight. They have to be intelligent (Ravenclaw) so that they don't go on a suicide mission for no reason, and they have to be cunning (Slytherin) to outwit the enemy forces. The pattern repeats itself for each house, each having its own, most important characteristic, but each also being dependant on the others to suceed. Clever...
I didn't catch any grammatical errors or anything, which is good for you, because I'm extremely picky about things like that. I probably would've written a separate review for each one... *sheepish grin* Okay, kidding ya a little bit, but you get the idea.
I'm not sure if you intended this, but the name Adelaide, from which we get Alice, Alison, and Ally, means 'noble kind.' An odd coincidence if an accident, clever naming if purposeful. Also, Charles, the root of Charlotte and Lottie, means 'warrior.' If that was intentional, I wonder why Lottie was placed in Palmyitor instead of Maelioric. I suppose I'll just have to wait and find out!
You have a new fan! Be proud... Just don't abuse the fact- reader loyalty goes only so far... :-P
Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm so happy you noticed all of the characteristics from the Hogwarts Houses in my Houses. I was worried people would associate them with canon Houses.
Whew! Glad you didn't see any grammar problems! I tend to overlook those important details when working out plot. Heehee. I wouldn't mind a separate review for each nitpick. =)Ooh, I didn't notice that about Ally's naming. That is a strang coincidence! What a clever catch! I actually thought of the name because my sister used to have a friend named Ally, and it just seemed to fit. Same goes for Lottie. Wow, I didn't even follow the name that far. I got to Charlotte when I stopped looking up meanings. =) The truth about Lottie's name is that I just like it a lot, and I think it fits her. Those coincidences are so crazy though! Awesome job finding them! Oh thank you so much! I'm so happy that you like it! Heh. ^^;;; Speaking of reader-loyalty, sorry this chapter is taking forever. My computer broke (sigh) so I can't reach my chapter five and sent it to the betas until the geek squad gets over here and helps me out.
Thanks so much for the amazing review!Eponine
First, I have to say: Your story is truly original. In this chapter I think we can especially feel the creativity. The three Houses of Alsemore Academy I think are wonderful - they are very different from the Houses we see in Hogwarts, but I think they do a nice job in reflecting the fact that there is a rebellion being planned. Yet again I'm being reminded that Voldemort is still out there doing evil deeds, and that fact itself is something which makes my spine shiver - the golden trio are dead, so who will save the Wizarding World? I think that's the kind of question most fanfic authors ask, since they're so obsessed with the main characters...but Lottie herself is a character who's so 3-D it feels as though there'll be a new Harry Potter whom everyone will be talking about. (I'm talking about the boy)
Aand..back to the chapter. We get to see so much more of Alsemore Academy, and as I've already said, the Houses are brilliant. I love the fact that they sort the students for their abilities. The old table is another original idea - I really wonder who made it, and how long it has existed. It's nice to see that Alsemore has some parts which are like Hogwarts, as it makes us relate to the HP books and pulls us closer to the story.
I've noticed that the three Houses are names after the three people who were in the prologue...it's made me wonder if Melinda was alive, would there have been another House? I like how the Houses each train their students in different areas for the war. Ally says that Palmyitor seems a bit like Slytherin, but I personally think that while it is a bit like Slytherin, it has some other qualities from other Houses too. I like Ally as a character, though. She's quite intruging.
There's something about Palmyitor that's mysterious - Professor Palmyitor herself seems a very deep character, and we don't know much about her yet. Perhaps the Houses reflect the Professor? Maelioric is a cheerful character whom I really like as well, and his House seems quite bubbly and happy as well.
It's strange that all of the Houses have different numbers of students, but in a nice way. I think at Hogwarts there's ten students a year in each House? I'm not saying I don't like the way that Hogwarts is run, but at the same it's a bit weird that all of the new students can be equally sorted into four Houses. Compared to that, Alsemore is...I can't think of the right word...rustic, perhaps, or naivete, in a good way.
I came to like Lottie even more in this chapter - Maybe I’ll be able to bring home some food this summer. I loved this sentence. It's so kind, and it tells us how hard everything is in the camp.
She seems nervous about Palmyitor, and I don't blame her - but I hope she'll make some more friends and get used to her House.
I also loved the way you put in the little details about soap. (“Listen to him!” one of the older students shouted from the back. “You’ll regret not having soap for a month!” is one of my favourite lines. It makes me wonder if this boy actually had to endure a soapless month) Once again it shows us the hardness of the war. Another thing I liked was Professor Palmyitor's note. It seems like a small thing, but I liked it because it showed us when the students washed themselves...JKR has never said anything about baths and showers until GoF, and although it was only a small detail in your story, I felt it explained things well.
Some nit-picks - ...And--” his face darkened “--the members of Professor Palmyitor’s House are spies.”..... I think you need a comma after 'darkened'.
Being placed in the wrong House was bad enough, but having a girl she utterly despised on the same one was too much.
Maybe 'in' works better than 'on' here, because she's talked about being in the Houses?
...while Palmyitor wasn’t looking, he made a face at all of the students “--for the feast to begin!”... You need a comma after 'students', if my grammar is right. (It might not be)
As I've said multiple times before, I truly love your story - it's originality, it's characters, it's story. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter!
Author's Response: Wow! I can't thank you enough for this review! I'm really sorry for the late response; I just got back from vacation.
Another Harry Potter? Hm... The boy? You mean the one with the nice robes who got sorted into Maelioric? If you do, that's a good guess. He's got a lot more to do in this story.That's a good catch. Melinda would have made another House. Oh yes, Ally was sort of right and wrong on that point. It is like you said, each House has a bit of Slytherin in them, and all of the other Houses as well. Each House really is a jumble of people, since it has nothing to do with their personality.
I agree with you there too. It's so strange that the Houses are evenly divided at Hogwarts. That's one of the reasons I made them uneven. Also, skills for spying are harder to find than skills for fighting.I'm really relieved that you don't hate Lottie. I was afraid people would be annoyed with her, which would be a problem, since she's got a lot more to say in this story.
I have also been a bit confused with Jo's lack of explaining personal hygiene. Also, since the camps don't really have a lot of places to bathe in, it would be a big deal for these kids.Oh! Thanks so much for those nitpicks! I can't believe I didn't catch those! I'll go edit them right now. =)
Thank you so much for your review! It was absolutely wonderful!
This is an excellent story. I love the vivid descriptions; I really felt like I was right there with Lottie. I hope Lottie comes to like her house more than she does now. Update soon! =)
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Lottie's got a lot of time to deal with what she thinks is the injustice of her Sorting. =) Thanks so much for the review!
Oh, excellent. Good house choice! I'm eager to find out what the classes will be like. Also glad Ally's in a different house, but maybe I'm just being unfair to her. :-)
Author's Response: Hee, I'm glad you like her House. It took me forever to decide what House she'd be in when I first started plotting.
Yes, poor Lottie and Ally, doomed to be separated. =) Thank you soooooo much for the review!Eponine
this story's really original. i like originality and i like this story. good job! keep it up! :)
Author's Response: Thank you! I'll be sure to update soon. =)
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you like it!
this is soo great i love it, you have an incredibly imagination, its so detailed and thoughtfull, the marble table and how they were sorted by it reminded me alot of hermione and ancient runes. well any way this is amazing and i have to say this is by far one of the best fan fics ive read on here
Author's Response: Aww thank you so much! Hm... I hadn't even thought of Ancient Runes! Well spotted, maybe I'll mention something about that later.
Thank you soooooo much for the review!Eponine
i really like this, its very interesting, it really makes you think of what would happen if harry did die. [its so weird how i think of it as a real world] yea so, updates would be cool
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! It is sort of a scary concept, if Harry lost, isn't it? Chapter four is with the betas right now. =D Thanks for the review! Eponine