Hello!
I don't venture into the Poetry category very much, only when someone recommends a poem. But, I made an exception for a title that really looked interesting. I love your choice of a title for this fic, because it really is an oxymoron, thinking of one horrible creature having a lullaby at night. I think that your summary could have used more work, but it was a start.
Nagini is such a wonderful creature, but you used what we don't know about her to create story. I loved your references to her being "secluded", because she really is amongst her masters Death Eaters. I do have one question to ask you, though. Do you think that Nagini is the Dark Lord's love? the thing he likes most? I would have liked to see more insight into what she thought that her master, Voldemort, thought of her. It was mostly just her thoughts of him.
The only other thing that I can find to critique is that the rhyming looked very forced. It looked like ever single outward rhyme you held up a thesaraus to, and copied whatever fancy words you could find. There is nothing wrong with doing this, it just seems very obvious. Would you really talk like this? if not, then find a replacement word.
Overall, a very good job! Keep on writing, and don't be offended by my nitpicky-ness!
*Claire*
Hello!
I don't venture into the Poetry category very much, only when someone recommends a poem. But, I made an exception for a title that really looked interesting. I love your choice of a title for this fic, because it really is an oxymoron, thinking of one horrible creature having a lullaby at night. I think that your summary could have used more work, but it was a start.
Nagini is such a wonderful creature, but you used what we don't know about her to create story. I loved your references to her being "secluded", because she really is amongst her masters Death Eaters. I do have one question to ask you, though. Do you think that Nagini is the Dark Lord's love? the thing he likes most? I would have liked to see more insight into what she thought that her master, Voldemort, thought of her. It was mostly just her thoughts of him.
The only other thing that I can find to critique is that the rhyming looked very forced. It looked like ever single outward rhyme you held up a thesaraus to, and copied whatever fancy words you could find. There is nothing wrong with doing this, it just seems very obvious. Would you really talk like this? if not, then find a replacement word.
Overall, a very good job! Keep on writing, and don't be offended by my nitpicky-ness!
*Claire*
Hello!
I don't venture into the Poetry category very much, only when someone recommends a poem. But, I made an exception for a title that really looked interesting. I love your choice of a title for this fic, because it really is an oxymoron, thinking of one horrible creature having a lullaby at night. I think that your summary could have used more work, but it was a start.
Nagini is such a wonderful creature, but you used what we don't know about her to create story. I loved your references to her being "secluded", because she really is amongst her masters Death Eaters. I do have one question to ask you, though. Do you think that Nagini is the Dark Lord's love? the thing he likes most? I would have liked to see more insight into what she thought that her master, Voldemort, thought of her. It was mostly just her thoughts of him.
The only other thing that I can find to critique is that the rhyming looked very forced. It looked like ever single outward rhyme you held up a thesaraus to, and copied whatever fancy words you could find. There is nothing wrong with doing this, it just seems very obvious. Would you really talk like this? if not, then find a replacement word.
Overall, a very good job! Keep on writing, and don't be offended by my nitpicky-ness!
*Claire*
I enjoyed this poem. Even though it's complicated at first once you get the hang of it it's brilliant
Very interesting. I like it.
ok i couldn't understand it a little bit though.
ok i couldn't understand it a little bit though.
A very creative poem, and an unusual one, i.e. that of Nagini's perspective. Keep up your poetry skills - I hope we'll see more from you!
LoneStarVamp
"Come over to the dark and angsty side!"
PI Accredited Beta Reader
PI:2058264223
Author's Response: Thank you. It's an honor for me to recieve this from a PI!
This really is quite an excellent poem! I love the rhyme scheme you used! The fact you used this rhyme to such effect shows you have poetic discipline and a real skill with language. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed this poem. It was great! 10/10!
Author's Response: Wow. Thank you!
I enjoyed this very much. I like the idea a lot. Keep up the great work. i'm adding this to my favorites! 8 out of 10.
Author's Response: Thank you very much!
