Sad! That's really deep. I love how you (again,) described how Tonks is feeling about the death of Sirius. I love your stuff! Are you going to be adding more stories or poems? MJ
This is a good, short poem. It is perfectly compact and packs a very good emotional punch. You obviously have a way with words that comes through in this poem, as short as it is.
I like the title "Without You." It reminds me of the song from RENT. However, I think it's a little too much of a romantic title. This poem is very romantic considering Sirius and Tonks were cousins. While I enjoyed it, I feel it maybe should be someone else writing about loosing love. While Sirius and Tonks shared a blood bond, you almost make it romantic. While I liked that poem, you might want to consider this for future poems. The story matters just as much as the poem and you really want the story and the words in the poem to stay consistant.
I liked the questions you posed in the beggining. The wondering feelings Tonks thought about death is a great example of mourning. It really appeals to emotion. I also loved your first line. While it is a little long, it displays a great mastery of the English language. I would only suggest separating the first two lines into four lines, because they fall out with the rest of the poem.
The only thing I noticed about this poem I really did not like was the line "Without the laughter you bleed." While I can understand what effect you were trying to go for, I think you should think about the changing the word "bleed" into something more happy. It really doesn't fit into the stanza you have describing Sirius's good qualities. Besides that, the overall air of that stanza is great though.
This poem seems a lot like the poetry of hufflepuffgal. After reading your bio, I now know you're related. I think its great that you two are such good poets. You make a great poetic duo, and I really think I can expect great things from you in the future. Great job on this poem and good luck on further poems in the future!
Author's Response: Wow, thanks! ^_____^ I'll keep that in mind! I think I might change it to something else with 'the laughter you bleed' and in my next poem I will keep it more on track instead of switching off on something else, like I did in this poem, because first she was mourning, then it was a romantic part, and it got sorta confusing so thanks! :D
*tear, tear*. Very touching. "I think it clear we can expect great things of you."
Oh, btw, I want to go to the beach, too!
Author's Response: Stranger Danger!! Alert Stranger Danger. No, just playin' ;3 But your in my personal bubble. -.- Thanks anyway 'stranger' *wink wink* P.S. I think you can come, remember; "It's a wink wink word!"
Author's Response: Oops...I mean world. not word. D:
