This is great. I hope you continue it. I loved it although I think it would have been more interesting if it was a bit longer and had more word variety.
but i think you should comtinue it. it was really really good and i loved it
please write more!!!
The irony! Poor Sirius! Though this is quite shot, it's a very good take on what Azkaban is like, and on what Sirius and Snape's relationship was like.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
Good Job! That is really well written and I like it
Author's Response: Thanks!
This was really good. I liked your reason for why Sirius laughed. Well done!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. =)
Hi midnight_me, nice story. This isn't a scene I've read of before, but it is very interesting. The conflict between Sirius and Snape is well done, it's adult but their loathing for each other is obvious.
I have a few minor things to point out (lol, I'm betaing my beta!). Your description of Sirius' face is good and creates a good image of him, but your use of the passive voice in 'his hair had grown longer and was tangled' detracts a little from the atmosphere you're creating. Maybe something like ' His tangled hair fell to his shoulders' would be better.
The interaction between the two is excellent, with Snape winding Sirius up and Sirius letting him get to him. Snape's Dementor experience is good, it provides an interesting insight into his life before Hogwarts and his character. You portrayed his curiuosity and ambition cleverly without actually mentioning those qualities directly. I think the comma in 'Tobias slapped her so hard across the face, that she stumbled backwards' might be superfluous, but I'm not really sure.
The transition from Snape to Sirius' point of view is somewhat awkward. Maybe instead of saying 'Sirius' POV' you could simply put some asterisks in, since as it is it rather cuts the story in half.
I really liked your description of Sirius and Wormtail's confrontation. Sirius was wonderful. His desperate attempts to disbelieve what has happened, his shock and rage, his attitude towards Peter, everything seemed very in character without being overly dramatic.
There is one minor recurring error where the quotation mark is back to front at the end of a sentence. That can happen if you end a sentence with a dash, I find.
The end was great too. It really evokes pity for Sirius, as he must watch his enemy, whom he is sure is a Dark wizard, walk free while he is forced to remain in the horrors of Azkaban.
Argh, attack of the mega review. Oh well, since no one else has reviewed this, for some strange reason, this can count for lots. Thanks again for being a great (and patient) beta!
Author's Response: First off, thanks for the review! It's by far the best one I've ever gotten. I really appreciate your advice! I'm correcting the errors, and thanks for pointing them out to me. I'm glad you liked Snape's memory. I was a little unsure about it. His memory took me the longest. It was the last thing I wrote. Sirius's memory was also a bit tricky, but not quite as hard as Snape's. Thanks again for this review! I was so happy when I saw it. The advice was wonderful. Thanks again. =) ~ Katherine