You write well Bryant, I've read some of your other stuff too. This fic has a good start, but it almost seems like you got bored with it. The last paragraph of ch 2 especially feels like you ran out of energy. It seems like you started summing everything up in individual sentences that should have been given more attention.
I really liked the similie you started with comparing the Great Hall to a bottle of butterbeer, it was a really cute way to describe the setting and I think it immeadiatly pulled the reader into the story. I also really liked how you played with Severus' slight crush on Lily and how much it affected the plot.
However, I noticed several typos, which sometimes made the story slightly confusing, and harder to read.
I really liked how you explained why Severus was in the Hogshead the night he overheard the prophecy. It plays in perfectly with the HalfBlood Prince, and that scene went almost exactly as I had imagined it.
I'm curious, though, as to what Severus did with his previous chances to put him on his last one.
There were again several typos and spelling errors, but overall I still loved the story.
I was surprized at how merciful you made Voldemort, when Severus had not completed his task. I would not have expected for him to let Severus off quite that easily.
I loved how you kept the action going, because it keeps the reader interested. I also think that you did a great job of keeping everybody in character.
I loved it. :D
LOVED IT!!! Can't wait till the 2nd chapter!