Reviewer: jediprankster
Date: 08/22/07 0:03
Chapter: Chapter 3 - Privet Perplexed
I'm loving this story so far. I really like the way you have kept people in character. I am also ecstatic that you know how to spell pajamas. I know that sounds strange, but little things like that bug me to no end. So many fan fics spell it pyjamas. There is no 'y' in pajamas. At first I thought it was a British thing. I checked, and JKR spells it correctly, so I am at a loss for where these people get it. Not that one word misspelled is that big a deal, but when this particular one shows up, it triggers a long mental rant that distracts me from the story. Thank you for not disrupting the narrative flow with bad spelling. ;)
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the kind words of review!
I too have a few pet-peeves, so I am glad that I didn't cause you an adverse reaction by fueling yours. I personally don't recall ever seeing pajamas spelled with a "y," seems rather odd to me too. But people do many odd things.
I do hope you will keep reading and keep reviewing. I am glad you seem to be enjoying my alternative to JKR's final book.
Thanks again!
Reviewer: irishdaddy0204
Date: 07/24/07 0:35
Chapter: Chapter 10 - The Lock-Box
Jeo- once again I am impressed with your talents. You really should consider publishing something. You have the talent & imagination enough to do it well. Anyway, I Digress. Again you make me want for more. I really enjoyed the info regarding Harry's family past & the reasonj no-one ever gave such a prestigeous family a second glance, very clever. As usual I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter, and as another reviewer stated I also really enjoy the "draco" saga. Keep up the excellent work and again thank you for sharing you talents. PS...do not be discouraged with the fewreviews you get. It is quite possible that your readers are too stunned and in awe of the story to form words...
Thanks again
Author's Response: Thank you so much, and once again for the extremely flattering review. I don't know if I can buy that people are in awe of my story... but I take it as am assume complement. I have determined that I will continue with this story, even though we all know now how JKR's story comes to it's end. I do hope that a few will stick around to read it and offer reviews.
Thanks so much for your kind words.
Reviewer: Monster Book of Monsters
Date: 07/09/07 22:42
Chapter: Chapter 10 - The Lock-Box
Hey Jeo - again awesome work. Yours is the only chapter story I'm reading at the moment. I typically only read once they are complete. But yours is totally worth waiting for! With regard to this chapter, I appreciated the fluff, expecially between Ron and Hermione - so thanks for that. The letter from the grandparents (my husband has asked before, "Doesn't Harry have granparents? Where are they?") was well done, although I'm a little "eh" about the whole Potter Manor idea, but I trust you! I'm sure it will all work out in the end. I am a little anxious to get back to Snape and Draco. I actually find myself more interested in the Draco story than the Harry story which is unusual for me! Anyway - good work. Keep going man! And if you're a big fan of the movies like I am, have a good week! I'll be there opening day. A little too old for the midnight show, but I'll be hittin' the afternooner. Matinees rock! Peace out, brotha. ;)
Author's Response: Hey there... glad to hear from you again.
I am very flattered that mine is the only Chapter story you wait for. I do wish more people would discover it. Sometimes it bugs me when I read other's stories and see that they are getting hundreds of reviews, and then I look here and realize that 15 is the most I've ever gotten on any chapter. I try not to be jealous... but... it's difficult.
I suspect that if I spent more time on the forums and such it could make a difference... but I just don't have that much time.
Anyway, I know you really like the Draco part of the story, and I promise that we'll be getting back to it, but we have a bit more to uncover for Harry first. Hopefully the next chapter will help you appreciate the Manor more, but ultimately... it is just a house. It's just... It's Harry's house... a place to which he truly belongs, not Hogwarts, not The Burrow, not Grimmauld Place, and especially not Privet Drive. And I appreciate your indulgence, on the matter.
I am a fan of the movies... I even appreciate the differences, as I understand what it takes to translate between media. I have to work all week, but I'll be taking my kids on Saturday. I imagine there will be plenty of discussion about it on the forums.
Thanks again for the comments... and I promise you'll get more of Draco soon.
Reviewer: whats in a name
Date: 07/09/07 9:45
Chapter: Chapter 10 - The Lock-Box
up-date, up-date, up-date!
do you get my meaning?
Author's Response: I do get your meaning. Thanks for the comments, I'll update as quickly as I can.
Reviewer: Smeagoldor
Date: 07/06/07 6:15
Chapter: Chapter 10 - The Lock-Box
Excellent
Author's Response: Thank you!
Reviewer: rahat5810
Date: 07/06/07 3:25
Chapter: Chapter 10 - The Lock-Box
Good work.
Author's Response: Thank you.
Reviewer: FaunaCaritas
Date: 06/09/07 3:36
Chapter: Chapter 5 - Life and Learning at Privet Drive
I liked this chapter very much. The first part was a bit slow. It was hard to switch from the tension of the last chapter to the finer points of meditation sessions with Dumbledore. Overall I loved the entire chapter. Your creativity is really amazing. I love the Whisperer, it is such a clever idea. Wizards would want to send Whispers just as much as Howlers (if not more.)
I felt that the sum paid to support Harry was a bit exorbitant. You probably have a reason for picking that amount. It seems like a lot of money to raise one child, even if that child was Harry Potter. 200 Galleons is like 850 pounds a month. I only wish my allowance had been that huge growing up. I guess if you count in school tuition it isn't quite so large...
Can't wait to keep reading!
Pax.
Author's Response: You are right. This was the first chapter I wrote after my break. I had had to make an inter-state move, and changed jobs, etc., and hadn’t added a chapter for a long time. I ended up covering so much in detail that the transition between chapters is a little rough, and it is a little slow.
I just wanted to get across how much is happening in such a small amount of time. Lot’s of changes for everyone.
I love throwing in things like the Whisper, I figure there is lots of that sort of stuff in the Wizard World, and I suspect I will continue to try to pepper in these ideas as they come to me.
Yes, 200 galleons is quite a bit of money for one child, it is actually closer to $1000₤ which comes out to be about $1890 U.S. dollars. But I felt that it was still a reasonable amount given the fact that Harry is from a very wealthy family, and the expectation was that he would be taken care of in style. .
Remember though that it was intended for his care… not necessarily as an allowance, it would have afforded the Dursley’s an opportunity to move into a larger house and provide greater space for both Harry and Dudley, plus it might have allowed for private schools, etc. .
I am very happy that you are enjoying the story and I hope you continue to as you read the next few chapters. .
I am really looking forward to your next reviews. .
Thanks so much!
Reviewer: FaunaCaritas
Date: 06/08/07 4:45
Chapter: Chapter 4 - Draco Displaced
Wow! What an unexpected turn of events. I love the completely new element the jungle community adds to the story. I'm afraid I think Draco is acting very out of character, but nothing harmful to the story. As a fan fiction reader I've grown accustomed to the 'nice Draco' interpretations of his character. I think he would have shown his usual foul temper etc. upon finding himself in a secluded village (whether magical or not.) Also I find it hard to believe that he would pick up a little girl. I've known very nice young men-- who even like children-- who wouldn't pick a child up for any anything!
I still love the story and can't wait to see where is goes.
Two typos:
1.) “Nuncha, is my little sister,” -- no comma after Nuncha.
2.) "Across the room at the far end there was a low platform upon which laid Narcissa Malfoy." -- should be 'upon which lay Narcissa...'
There were a couple more I couldn't find when I went back to look. Hope you don't mind me nit-picking your story.
Pax.
Author's Response: Wow, thanks once again. I am loving your reviews! I am glad you like the completely unusual turn of events with Draco. I have to agree that Draco is acting out of character here… at least out of character according what we have seen of him in the past.
Please consider a few things though before you judge the characterization to harshly. First, everything we know of Draco has come thus far from a very Harry-sentric point of view. Second, Draco is disoriented here, and coming out of a completely traumatic – near death experience. Third, he has no idea who among these people he would choose as allies or enemies. Fourth, he is smart enough to observe and question when he finds himself in a completely alien situation. There is nothing here he knows or understands and that alone gives him the rare opportunity to allow himself to step out of the patterns of his normal behavioral reactions.br>
In any case, keep reading and we’ll see how you feel after the next Draco chapter.br>
As for the typos you found? I have made those corrections in the files and I will re-post the corrected versions soon.br>
As always thank you so much, I really appreciate your taking the time to review.
Reviewer: FaunaCaritas
Date: 06/08/07 4:00
Chapter: Chapter 3 - Privet Perplexed
This was another exciting chapter. You have kept the pace clipping along- no time to get bored or distracted. Everyone is still perfectly in character. Excellent.
I was surprised that the Minister sent no guards at all. Harry probably ticked him off pretty bad, but he is still Harry Potter. The world would go nuts if Voldemort killed him and the Minister was to blame. But maybe Scrimgeouris a bigger fool then I thought.
In the last chapter Harry and Dumbledore were going to talk when Harry got back to the Dursleys... did Harry get to tired or something?
I'm off to the next chapter :-)
Pax.
Author's Response: Another wonderful review! I cannot thank you enough. And such high praise. I hope that I am keeping everyone in character.
But… you have a couple questions it seems…
I was surprised that the Minister sent no guards at all.
I think you are referring to the following passage and if you re-read it I think it implies very clearly that there is security present, but they are not being seen. – of course it is up to you to at this point to decide whether it is Ministry security, or maybe, members of the Order.
“Mrs. Weasley,” she said in a low whisper. Molly turned to Hermione. “I was wondering about security…for Harry,” Hermione whispered again. “Shouldn’t there be Aurors here to meet him?”
Mrs. Weasley glanced around the station slowly, turning her head a little, and stepped closer patting Hermione’s arm. “Oh, there is security here,” she whispered back. “It’s just that Harry is sort of on the outs with the Minister, so no one is supposed to be seen.”
“Oh,” Hermione responded quietly, sweeping the platform now, with her own eyes.
And, your second question.
In the last chapter Harry and Dumbledore were going to talk when Harry got back to the Dursleys... did Harry get to tired or something?
The short answer is yes… something like that, but don’t worry, they will talk. And I will want to hear exactly what you think of it when they do.
Thank you so much for taking the time!
Reviewer: FaunaCaritas
Date: 06/08/07 3:32
Chapter: Chapter 2 - A Little Advice
I can only say that all my praise for the last chapter applies to this chapter too! I love this story already; it will be going straight onto my favorites list.
I had trouble with two sentences:
1.) "He remembered first meeting the petite, boisterous, quick-witted girl at The Burrow who could handle all her big brothers with a steely gaze, but became tongue-tied in his presence."
I think you could play around with this sentence a bit to get it to read more easily. Also, technically, the first time Harry met Ginny was his first year on Platform 9 3/4 when she accompanied Ron and Mrs. Weasley to the Hogwart's Express.
2.) "While it is true that people you’ve loved, and who have loved you, have died, some sacrificing themselves for your protection. It is wrong to believe that you have caused it to be..."
I think this is grammatically incorrect. There should be no period after 'protection,' right?
I LOVE this story!
Pax.
Author's Response: Thank you, thank you , thank you! If you have read any of my earlier reviews, you will have picked up on two things. First; that I make every attempt to respond to every review in a way that befits the intensity of the review. And, second; that I am not above making changes to my chapters, even still.
I really do appreciate critical and thoughtful reviews. And if you have changes to suggest I always give them great consideration. So, to address your observed problems:
1.) Changed to: (I broke it into two.)
He remembered first really meeting the petite, boisterous, quick-witted girl at The Burrow. She could handle all her big brothers with a steely gaze, but became tongue-tied in his presence.
Yes it is true that Harry first encountered Ginny in the first book at King’s Cross station outside platforms nine and ten. I do not however, think it is fair to call that encounter a meeting. Re-read it, I just did, (chapter six, U.S. paperback edition, pages 92 – 98) they do not talk at all and, Ginny, while more than, merely incidental to the scene, is only overheard by Harry. To clarify I have added the word “really” to the sentence. I acknowledge your technicality, but would argue that it does not change the truth that their real “first meeting” took place later at The Burrow in the second book.
2.) Changed to:
“While it is true that people you’ve loved – and who have loved you, have died, some sacrificing themselves for your protection, it is wrong to believe that you have caused it to be,” Dumbledore paused, watching Harry closely.
I believe you are right, this really needs to be a single sentence, even though it gets to be a long one. I will make those corrections to the posted chapters.
Thank you for giving my work such a close read!
I look forward to you continued reviews, and I hope you continue to enjoy the story.
Thanks again!
Author's Response: Thank you, thank you , thank you! If you have read any of my earlier reviews, you will have picked up on two things. First; that I make every attempt to respond to every review in a way that befits the intensity of the review. And, second; that I am not above making changes to my chapters, even still.
I really do appreciate critical and thoughtful reviews. And if you have changes to suggest I always give them great consideration. So, to address your observed problems:
1.) Changed to: (I broke it into two.)
He remembered first really meeting the petite, boisterous, quick-witted girl at The Burrow. She could handle all her big brothers with a steely gaze, but became tongue-tied in his presence.
Yes it is true that Harry first encountered Ginny in the first book at King’s Cross station outside platforms nine and ten. I do not however, think it is fair to call that encounter a meeting. Re-read it, I just did, (chapter six, U.S. paperback edition, pages 92 – 98) they do not talk at all and, Ginny, while more than, merely incidental to the scene, is only overheard by Harry. To clarify I have added the word “really” to the sentence. I acknowledge your technicality, but would argue that it does not change the truth that their real “first meeting” took place later at The Burrow in the second book.
2.) Changed to:
“While it is true that people you’ve loved – and who have loved you, have died, some sacrificing themselves for your protection, it is wrong to believe that you have caused it to be,” Dumbledore paused, watching Harry closely.
I believe you are right, this really needs to be a single sentence, even though it gets to be a long one. I will make those corrections to the posted chapters.
Thank you for giving my work such a close read!
I look forward to you continued reviews, and I hope you continue to enjoy the story.
Thanks again!
Reviewer: FaunaCaritas
Date: 06/08/07 3:11
Chapter: Chapter 1 - Beyond Friendships & Chocolate Frogs
Ohhh, so clever. I always felt sure that there was something important about Dumbledore's wizard card. The famous quote "as long as they don't take me off the chocolate frog cards..." is significant! Even if JKR never uses it I'll always believe she had it in the back of her mind when she penned that line.
I liked this chapter even better then the first. The pace was right and the characters were great! Your writing style is very close to JKR's own, which is rare (in my opinion) in fan fiction. I loved the details! Ron asking Harry to turn his back when he kissed Hermione and Harry's instant recognition of Fawkes when the others jumped to fearful conclusions were all excellent touches.
I can't find anything to critique, and I try to offer suggestions for every chapter when I review. Bravo!
Pax.
Author's Response: Thank you, thank you!
Please please keep up the reviewing! I love to hear from all readers, especially those who read with a critical eye. If there is nothing in particular to comment on here... I am sure there may be in the next chapter.
I really appreciate you taking the time!
Thanks again.
Reviewer: FaunaCaritas
Date: 06/08/07 2:37
Chapter: Prologue - Wrath of the Dark Lord
Very, very well written! The Dark Lord was very dark. ;-)
My only criticism relates to your description of the hall the second part of the chapter takes place in. I liked the snake imagery, but I had a hard time understanding the description of the pattern one the granite floor. It slowed me down when I read this chapter... I still can't grasp exactly what it should look like (I'm an architect so I get excited when authors begin describing rooms and buildings.)
I'm off to chapter two!
Pax.
Author's Response: Thank you! Hmmm, I will go back and re-read it and see what I think. I am never beyond making adjustments, and I know a lot of description was cut from my very first draft, so it is entirely possible that particular description could use some clarification.
I am very happy that you are enjoying the story and I hope you will continue to review!
Reviewer: pheonix_song_719
Date: 05/30/07 0:45
Chapter: Chapter 9 - Appenzeller, Gutzwiller, Lienhart & Prächt
great story so far how is it coming??
Author's Response: Well, honestly I have been distracted by the good weather. I am in Minnesota, so when Spring and Summer get here we tend to try to enjoy them. The next chapter is nearly finished though, and I promise I am not abandoning it, just a short break.
Thank you so much for the comments!!!!!
Reviewer: Monster Book of Monsters
Date: 05/11/07 23:22
Chapter: Chapter 8 - Alert and Alive
Jeo - just a side note here. I just read chaps 8 & 9 and left reviews for both (see below) and THEN out of curiousity, went back to my last review and read your response. I feel like a dork because in my review for chap 9 I asked you questions that you've already answered - like how long your chaps are and if you know where the story is headed, etc. So please ignore it. Why am I saying this here instead of after my chap 9 review? I have no freakin' idea. LOL I think I was trying to "catch" you before you saw it or something. And as another side note - - what on earth is up with the Black Claude dude? Honestly, this guy (girl?) blows my reviews out of the water! Wow. ;)
Author's Response: SO wonderful to know you are back! I've missed you. I wouldn't let BlackClaude's reviews rattle you. You give great review yourself and I appreciate a multitude of insights. You never know who's comment will be the one to make you really re-think something significant!
Thanks for the comments and I hope you are back for a while! And... review are not a competition you know. Luv ya.
Reviewer: Monster Book of Monsters
Date: 05/11/07 23:11
Chapter: Chapter 9 - Appenzeller, Gutzwiller, Lienhart & Prächt
When you write a chapter, YOU WRITE A CHAPTER. lol I'm wondering how long these things are in Word. My chaps are usually about 4-5 pages. I'm thinking yours are three times that length? I digress. Again, I love where the story is headed, can totally FEEL the characters, and look forward to where it's all going. I find myself wondering if you have everything mapped out already or if you're just making it up as you go along. Either way, it's fantastic. I can't say enough good things about it, Jeo. Keep up the good work and I'll "see you" at chap 10! ;)
Author's Response: In word... most of my recent chapters have been between 15 and 20 pages at first draft. I have taken on another beta now who is helping me see that I can actually trim out quite a bit of what I put in my first drafts, so hopefully this will begin to translate in to shorter chapters.
Thanks for the review... I you should hopefully see chapter 10 fairly soon.
Reviewer: Monster Book of Monsters
Date: 05/11/07 22:44
Chapter: Chapter 8 - Alert and Alive
Wow! I still love where this story is going. Yeah, it's totally off the Harry Potter "canon" map - BUT WHO CARES? You're able to describe the characters to a tee - I felt like I was sitting right there with Snape and Voldie when he was eating (eww!). And the way you weave the story in such a way as to describe every environment, feeling, etc. - keeps me reading - even IF I have a hard time imagining Draco in a loin cloth. LOL Looking forward to more. Keep up the good work!!
Author's Response: Hmmm... I think I may take exception to your comment that I am off the "canon" map? I think I have actually been very careful to stay canon compliant. Obviously, I am freely taking the story in some very unusual directions that represent twists that are very unlikely in the next actual book. But that does not mean I am breaking "Canon."
I am however, creating lots of individual "Fanon" here though aren't I?
Draco in a loin cloth! yeah I guess I did describe that didn't I... Well, a little something for the devoted Draco fangirls... Me, forgive me but I'll think instead about Tichi.
Thanks as always for the review!!! And I look forward to your next.
Reviewer: star2brite5
Date: 05/08/07 9:48
Chapter: Chapter 9 - Appenzeller, Gutzwiller, Lienhart & Prächt
It is a great story ,,, I loved this chapter
Author's Response: Thank you!
Reviewer: chartreusemoose
Date: 05/07/07 12:43
Chapter: Chapter 9 - Appenzeller, Gutzwiller, Lienhart & Prächt
great chapter...one of my favorites! i just wish we didnt have to wait so long inbetween chapters!
Author's Response: I wish so too! Alas... life is what it is, and I work on the story as much as possible given my schedule... sometimes more than I probably should.
I so appreciate hearing from you... Thanks for the review!
Reviewer: irishdaddyof2
Date: 05/04/07 19:49
Chapter: Chapter 9 - Appenzeller, Gutzwiller, Lienhart & Prächt
I would like to thank you for sharing your talent with us. This is the most thought provoking and truly enjoyable stories I have read. I think the "money issue" was a little much but understandable and in some ways needed. I only hope you can updat much faster as I am already having to re-read the previous chapters to quech my need for more ot this awsome story
Again thank you.
Author's Response: You are most welcome. It is reviews like yours that keep me going. It is so nice to know that people are out there enjoying my musings. I tend to be very detail involved and have to work hard not to put in everything that I think of. The money issue sort of ran away with me because I did not anticipate the number of people who would object to the idea of the Dursleys getting anything. If you go back in the reviews fro earlier chapters you can see that I felt compelled to try to explain my reasoning a couple of times.
Anyway... I am hoping to move on to much more important and exciting stuff in upcoming chapters.
Thank you so much for taking the time to review, and I hope you will continue to let me know how you feel about upcoming chapters as they get posted. I'll get them submitted as quickly as I possibly can.
Thank you so much for reading!
Reviewer: Hestia Jones
Date: 05/04/07 15:54
Chapter: Chapter 9 - Appenzeller, Gutzwiller, Lienhart & Prächt
Nice! I'm excited to see what you reveal to be in the mysterious lock-box. Also, you really nailed Ginny's letter from the ministry, it was very realistic. Nice job with the new owl too!
Author's Response: Thank you for the kind words. You'll get to see what's in the lock-box near the end of the next chapter... as it is titled "The Lock-Box."
I really appreciate your taking the time to review. I hope you continue to enjoy the story.
Thanks again.
