Reviewer: Ice Nine IV
Date: 06/06/06 20:19
Chapter: Chapter 1 - Beyond Friendships & Chocolate Frogs

Oh crap that's brilliant. Really awesome invention there. Wish I'd thought of it. Great chapter man, obviously much more upbeat than the prologue. I really enjoyed your version of the Ron and Hermione hook up, having all three of them there sharing the moment, that's a real tear jerker. Wish I had more but I don't, Can't wait for the next one.

Author's Response: Thanks! I am glad you enjoyed the R/Hr hook up. I really felt like Harry had to be witness to it. Almost as though they wouldn't make it through without him as a component... And I felt Harry needed to wintess it to be sure it was real... All except for the snogging of course... becasue really... who wants to witness that? Thanks for the kind words. - Next chapter is in queue.

Reviewer: alyssa_cha
Date: 06/06/06 19:24
Chapter: Chapter 1 - Beyond Friendships & Chocolate Frogs

wow : )

Author's Response: Thank you! - Wow at anything in particular? Thanks for the comment...

Reviewer: expecto_patronum_this
Date: 06/06/06 19:18
Chapter: Prologue - Wrath of the Dark Lord

Impressive. I can say very confidently that you have a lot of talent with description. It’s very easy to see the surroundings and feel the emotions when you illustrate your scenes. The start with Snape was especially dark and well done. I enjoyed the atmosphere you provided with the smells of ‘death’ and ‘decay’.


On a side note, I found a couple things that were sort of awkward. Like in this sentence: He groped about awkwardly for a wand he felt certain would not be there; instead, he felt cold hard rock beneath him. This sentence works fine grammatically, but I’m not sure I’m feeling the ‘instead’. Since Snape isn’t fully expecting to feel his wand, it seems odd to use ‘instead’ rather than ‘as he had guessed’ or something along those lines. It could just be personal preference, but it makes more sense to me that way.

Also, this sentence here made me frown a bit: And the Dark Lord was furious! It made me frown because that is such a semi-cliffhanger, such an amazing statement that you put in a very good place to try to get a reaction – but the effect is ruined by the exclamation mark. Having that sentence where it is has impact on the reader enough – I think that if you lose the exclamation mark and make it a nice period it would have that “bam!” feeling that you're going for rather than a “bam!” followed by a fizzle.


That aside, I really enjoyed the way you bring Draco and Narcissa into the situation afterwards. It actually made me pity Draco, when Voldemort was Cruciatusing him. The entire dark feel to this fic was very real, and that was really enjoyable. My favorite part was when Voldemort marked Draco as a coward - it was a very neat idea. Good luck with the next chapter!




Author's Response: Wow! Thank you for the read, and thanks so much for the comments. I am very glad you enjoyed it. It feels good to have people whose fics you’ve enjoyed, show that they appreciate yours as well. I do hope you keep coming back to see more as I get more chapters up. Okay, so on to the things you found problematic. I am glad you felt comfortable bringing such things up, it seems that many readers just slide over what they think is problematic. Personally I enjoy such criticism, because it allows for growth, and I am the first to admit that there are a number of things I do awkwardly. I can’t spell worth a darn, never could, and I know that I have a unique phraseology about my speech sometimes. It does not surprise me that it creeps into my writing. So, I considered your comments very carefully and this is what I concluded. Regarding your first sentence of comment; you are suggesting that it would be better as - He groped about awkwardly for a wand he felt certain would not be there, as he had guessed, he felt cold hard rock beneath him. When I read that, it implies to me that he is thinking about the stone rather than the fact that there is no wand there to be found. If he is thinking about and expecting the stone, than what is the point of his discovering anything about it? Or drawing conclusions about his surroundings based on it. For me this doesn’t work, but I was never completely satisfied with the sentence anyway, so I re-wrote it. The passage now reads: He reached out along the floor, groping awkwardly for a wand he knew would not be there. He found cold hard rock beneath him, the edges of large flat squarely cut stones where they abutted one another. The careful fitting revealed that this was a place wrought by the hand of a thinking creature… To me the whole thing is a bit more comfortable now. As for the second comment, after looking at it, I would have to say that I agree that the exclamation point is not necessary, so I have removed it. Thanks so much for the kind words and the critique. That is exactly why authors crave reviews… just trying to make it all better. Thanks again.

Reviewer: xiofs13
Date: 06/01/06 18:34
Chapter: Prologue - Wrath of the Dark Lord

Wow this is amazing. I love the way that you started this fic, most authors don't even mention Draco in thier "book seven" your an amazing writer and i cant wait for more

10/10
and i dont think this chapter was violent at all

Author's Response: Thank you for your kind comments. I am happy that you enjoy he beginning. I have lot's in store for Draco throughout the story. But don;t expect him to take over one of the top character spots. I hope you'll keep reading. The Prologue was intended to pique curiosity, the next couple of chapters may be on the Romance side, but please keep reading and keep letting me know what you think! Thanks...

Reviewer: xiofs13
Date: 06/01/06 18:33
Chapter: Prologue - Wrath of the Dark Lord

Wow this is amazing. I love the way that you started this fic, most authors don't even mention Draco in thier "book seven" your an amazing writer and i cant wait for more

10/10
and i dont think this chapter was violent at all

Author's Response: Thank you for your kind comments.

Reviewer: hpmaniac666
Date: 06/01/06 11:37
Chapter: Prologue - Wrath of the Dark Lord

hey. Heard about this fic from Grimmrook. Pretty chilling prlogue! It's not the kind of fic I usually read but it was very well written and I definately want to read more. Well done :D Hopefully chapter 2 will arrive soon :D

Author's Response: Hey. I loved "Hot Dogs" and your other stories. But Hot Dogs really stood out for me. I am glad you like my beginning. I will thank Grimmrook for the recomendation. I hope you enjoy where the story goes from here. I appreciate your taking the time to comment. Thanks so much.

Reviewer: Ice Nine IV
Date: 05/31/06 21:00
Chapter: Prologue - Wrath of the Dark Lord

I wish I had something better than what everyone else has said, but they're right it just drags you in fast and doesn't want to let go. I didn't think the violence was too bad, although I might not be the best judge of that because of my taste in movies. But great chapter, can't wait for the next one.

Author's Response: You don't have to top anyone. Just taking the time to review at all is worth a hearty thank you! I am glad you like it. The next chapter is on its way. I didn't really think the violence was too bad either, but I felt I should warn folks that it was there. Please let me know if you are still hooked after the next chapter! Thanks again.

Reviewer: Grimmrook
Date: 05/30/06 23:15
Chapter: Prologue - Wrath of the Dark Lord

Well, and here we go first chapter up, and I gotta say, I agree with your first reviewer, you definitely grab the reader by the short and curlies right off the bat. As long as you keep doing that, I think we're going to have a hell of a story on our hands. Loved working on it with you.

Author's Response: It seems I just picked the right Beta. I wouldn't have been happy with someone who didn't make me think about what I was doing and why. Thanks so much for all the help!!!

Reviewer: oldwitch53
Date: 05/30/06 20:17
Chapter: Prologue - Wrath of the Dark Lord

wow, I'm not a writer, journalist or anyone who can give you constructive opinions, but I can tell you your first chapter has grabbed me and I'll be lurking around looking for more!

I love your descriptions of items even like the stones of the dungeon, wonderful, thanks for the read, Kathy

Author's Response: I appreciate your comments. Thank you for taking the time. This is my first fan fic, so I am eager fro all the feedback I can get. I hope to have the next chapter up very soon, I'm about five chapters ahead on the writing, but I have some very talented Beta help and there have been several re-writes... It only makes it that much better! Hope you keep reading. Thanks again.

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