Reviewer: ProngsWorshiper
Date: 06/21/06 15:51
Chapter: Prologue - Wrath of the Dark Lord

Very descriptive and a good style of writing but to be blatantly honest, it bored me a bit. Just something you might want to work on. Don't take it as a bad review, I enjoyed your story :)

Author's Response: I appreciate your honesty. Help me out though? Was the pacing too slow for you? The concepts too mudane? What was it that bored you? If you can help me pinpoint something, I'll work on it. I have read a few fics that I thought were boring, and usually it os becasue I find that the pacing drags, or the ideas just aren't at all original. What sort of stuff do you most enjoy?

Reviewer: Hutchinson
Date: 06/21/06 6:59
Chapter: Chapter 1 - Beyond Friendships & Chocolate Frogs

"Finally", indeed! I love it!

Author's Response: Yup...I'd waited long enough, I figure everyone else has as well. Thanks.

Reviewer: Hutchinson
Date: 06/21/06 6:58
Chapter: Prologue - Wrath of the Dark Lord

The description is excellent, I'm stunned!!

Author's Response: Thank you!

Reviewer: ahattab33
Date: 06/20/06 6:02
Chapter: Chapter 3 - Privet Perplexed

I really like this story......I'm going to be awaiting Ginny's response with bated breath! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I am very happy you are enjoying it.

Reviewer: Monster Book of Monsters
Date: 06/19/06 21:23
Chapter: Chapter 3 - Privet Perplexed

Okay... fav lines of this chappy:

Harry smoothed the parchment on the desktop and dipped his quill in ink. He rubbed the feather end against his forehead as he thought, and then he began writing:
He opened it, breathing in the cool sweet smell of the rain-scrubbed air. Hedwig stirred and hooted at the breeze.

Love it - good stuff man, good stuff! Definately curious about Petunia...


Regarding your comments to my prev reviews, first of all - did you say THIRTY SIX CHAPS??? Seriously? Whoa. And this is your first fan fic? Heck, a one-shot took a lot out of me just starting out. You're going for it though, so go you! I'm along for this ride, definately. Sedondly, it did strike me as odd that you have titles for all 36 chaps. I'm the opposite. I write and then at the end I'm like... what to call it, what to call it... ha. Just found that interesting. Thirdly - - re the banner, I'd love to make you a banner Jeo, but not knowing what you're story is about - and now knowing how long it will be - it's impossible. It would be some generic thing with the trio and that's just not my style. (By the way, did you check out my new story banners? I got bored the other night and re-did them. heh) Anyhoo - whatever you do, DON'T tell me how this all ends for the sake of a banner. I'm a stickler on the surprise factor - seriously. Just ask Grimmrook. I'm glad that Draco's in there though... because I've never made a banner with him in it and something tells me he's going to play a key role here...


Author's Response: Opps... I take that back, sorry, I only have titles for thirty four chapters... But like I said, I know there will be more than that, in fact this last chapter was originally called "Dursleys Dumbfounded" in my original notes, but as I wrote the chapter it failed to fit for very long. And, I only wrote about half the stuff in this chapter that I originally intended, so now I have to add another chapter to make up the difference and I have no title for that one. I tend to use Chapter titles as a backbone structure when planning out a story, everything is flexible and I frequently change titles as I go. Oh, and yes this is my first Fanfic… but it’s not my first writing. I am actually writing some scripts for a smallpress comic book company. It is my first real attempt a prose though. So… the banner can wait, I’m not going to spoil the story for you, for the sake of a pretty picture – and the new banners are wonderful! Thanks so much for the wonderful comments…

Reviewer: grangergurl
Date: 06/19/06 18:56
Chapter: Chapter 3 - Privet Perplexed

Yaya! It got accepted! Congrats.

Author's Response: Thanks!

Reviewer: Melindaleo
Date: 06/19/06 7:56
Chapter: Chapter 2 - A Little Advice

NIce job, and brilliant stroke with the Chocolate frog card. I'm glad to see that you're leaning toward patching up Harry and Ginny. I don't think canon will be as quick - but that's what I want to see in fanfiction ;) I wonder, did DD talk Harry out of allowing Ron and Hermione to accompany him to Privet Drive? I must confess, that is one of the things I'm most eagerly anticipating from book 7. I'm an older writer, too, and I tend to enjoy stories by other adults, so thanks for alertying me to this one. I'll be awaiting the next update.

Author's Response: Thank you. Most everyone seems to like the enchanted Chocolate Frog Base idea. I am rather pleased about that. I have had several people suggest that DD was killed so that Harry would learn to stand on his own two feet, and I don’t disagree, all I can say is, keep reading. Most people grow up just fine without having all the adults they depend on killed off. Harry is more independent then most kids already, by far. You ask if DD talked Harry out of having Ron and Hermione over to Privet Drive, and I suppose he did. I didn’t write that exchange obviously, but I figure basically DD is saying. Okay Harry, slow down, a lot has happened very fast and lets not react harshly, or to hastily. Let’s plan a little carefully. So, the conclusion was that there is a little time to work things out and get the Privet Drive visit over with as quickly and easily as possible because it has to be done. But don’t worry there is a lot that is going to happen. Thanks so much for the review!

Reviewer: Monster Book of Monsters
Date: 06/18/06 22:00
Chapter: Chapter 2 - A Little Advice

I loved this paragraph:


“If, Miss Weasley returns this love, she may well represent your greater strength and your strongest weapon. Do not allow fear to rob you of anything, Harry, for fear is Voldemort’s strongest weapon.” There was a long pause. “To succumb to it is to forfeit the battle before it’s begun.”


Good writing! Wow. I also like how you keep mentioning the beast within Harry when it comes to Ginny. I loved that part in book six and I'm glad you put it in your own tale. Very smooth. Good job so far!

Author's Response: Thank you, thank you! That is one of my favorite paragraphs as well. When I started this I really wanted to stay true to canon. So it seems natural to continue certain vehicles begun by J.K.R., such as Harry’s beast within. Now, saying that I want my story to be canon up to the end of the existing six books is not to say that certain characters aren’t going to move in radically new directions. You’ll see what I mean when chapter three finally gets approved by the moderators. But when chapter four arrives you’ll really see what I mean. Thanks so much for all the comments and feedback, I really appreciate it, and I so hope you enjoy the rest as it arrives.

Author's Response: Oh! I understand you dabble in banners? *wide eyed smile* I love the ones you've done for your own stories, and the one you did for Grimmrook. (He is one rockin' beta by-the-way!) If you ever have the spare time? *stupid grin*

Reviewer: Monster Book of Monsters
Date: 06/18/06 21:47
Chapter: Chapter 1 - Beyond Friendships & Chocolate Frogs

Okay - well, first of all I know this isn't a romance but you're dealing with an R/H romantic here, so you'll no doubt understand my disappointment in the 3 seconds you spent slapping Ron and Hermione together. tsk tsk I was somewhat appeased however that you didn't have Harry rush to Ginny right away. When you brought Ginny outside to get the trio I thought for sure you'd do just that. PHEW! Still.... Ron... Hermy... *sigh* Okay and I like what you've come up with for a portable Dumbledore. Ha! Good thinkin'. I want one! I want a portable Dumbledore too! *Veruca Salt whine* All in all, good job. I'm wondering how many chaps you have planned. Seems to be moving along quickly.

Author's Response: Once again, thank you for your kind words. I am sorry you were disappointed in the R/Hr gooshy-gooshy stuff. I know it was brief, but take heart it is only a beginning and there will be plenty more as the story unfolds. Yes, they made it over this particular barrier, but you don’t think it’s going to be all hearts-and-roses for them just because the beginning is behind them do you? And, as for H/G, well it’s obviously coming, but I think it need to percolate a little first don’t you? I am glad you liked the “portable Dumbledore” I was particularly proud of that idea when it occurred to me, but don’t look for it to permanently take Dumbledore’s place, Dumbledore is dead and Harry is going to have to come to terms with that. Okay, so the chapter question… well, as I look at my notes I have chapter titles for thirty-six, so far, but I know myself well enough to emphasize “so far.” Does it seem to be moving fast? I hope that means that it is compelling and an easy read. I was worried that it might start to bog down, after all, after a prologue; I spend three chapters telling the events of one day. I can’t wait for your reaction to chapter four.

Reviewer: Monster Book of Monsters
Date: 06/17/06 15:47
Chapter: Prologue - Wrath of the Dark Lord

Really good work! Everything was described in such detail that I felt like I was there. It's so refreshing to read something that picks up where J.K. left off. I also think it's interesting that you started the story off with Snape, Draco and Voldemort instead of the typical Harry moment. Good for you. Finally - something different!

Author's Response: Thank you for the kind words. I am doing my best to tell what I hope is a compelling vision of the future of these characters. I know that J.K.R. will do it all differently, and I, like everyone else, look forward to reading her final book, but I thought I would like to imagine some different paths for some of her characters. As you will see in the next couple chapters (as soon as I can meet the Moderators’ approval), there are lots of characterization developments that I wish to bring into the story which will question some of the characters’ fundamental motivations. I’ll offer a new look at the Dursley’s… well, Petunia anyway, and oh, what I have in store for Draco. I started how I did, because the fate of Snape and Draco was the biggest question in my mind at the end of HBP. I kept thinking… “Is this what Voldemort really wanted?” My answer of course was… well… not quite. I hope you stick around and keep reading as I get more chapters posted. I’ve certainly enjoyed your work as well. Thanks again.

Author's Response: And... please tell your friends! I love all the feedback!

Reviewer: Hedwigs Delivery
Date: 06/11/06 13:37
Chapter: Chapter 2 - A Little Advice

Gr8 Chapter...Update soon plzzz

Author's Response: One more is on its way soon. Thanks!

Reviewer: Ice Nine IV
Date: 06/11/06 11:53
Chapter: Chapter 2 - A Little Advice

Ok, I feel a little bit mixed about this one. First off though the writing is good. Your Dumbldore is pretty good, kinda feels like early DD, like books 1-3.

The issue I have is more thematic in nature. I don't know, having a portable Dumbledore for Harry to keep around and help out seems kind of, Easy. And when I say that I don't mean that it's easy for your plot, I mean for easy for Harry. Not that Harry couldn't use the help, but I like that DD died (I mean it was very sad and all) because it forces Harry to become a Man. With having DD still around in some form to talk to it almost kind of reverses the effect.

Harry smiled deeply, understanding then for the first time that even though Dumbledore was... gone... he had neither abandoned nor stopped protecting him.

That almost kind of makes Harry look like he's letting down his gaurd a little bit. Don't take this to harshly though, that's just how I see it, and this is Your story. I'm still vastly intrigued about what your going to do next, and like I said your style continues to be awesome.

Author's Response: Wow! I love that you are really thinking about these things… Okay, so let me see if I can address your concerns without giving anything away. Your issue with the “portable Dumbledore” (that’s cute, I hadn’t thought of that… well, not in those terms) is in my mind completely valid. But let me offer something. One of Harry’s biggest hang-ups is that everybody he loves, dies. This is something Harry needs to change his perspective on – meaning; he has to come to understand that he is not really causing these deaths. Dumbledore, more than anyone, knew and understood this. Plus he surely had more advice and perspective to offer to Harry. So, why not ease the loss by offering a different sort of transition. I wanted Harry to experience loss, without the sense of abandonment that he usually mixes in with it. Having said that, I guess I have given away that the portable Dumbledore is not going to last through the full story. (Unless this is a ruse…) I know that I am offering my version of Harry a bit of a respite… An opportunity to slow down, relax and regroup, plan, rather than jumping blindly into action, which is the feeling I get at the end of the last book. But I don’t mean to convey that he is letting down his guard, even if he is sleeping easier. Thanks so much for the comments!

Reviewer: Gmariam
Date: 06/11/06 11:08
Chapter: Chapter 2 - A Little Advice

This is wonderful story so far! The idea to use Dumbledore's Chocolate Frog is so original and touching and perfect! Ron and Hermione's moment was nice too (I have one coming myself, and I put Harry there as well. Seems likely to me!). You write very well - the characters are spot on, the style is consistent. Very easy and enjoyable to read. Keep up the good work! I look forward to following your story!
~Gina :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the kind words! I’ll try to get the next chapter up soon.

Reviewer: pmv
Date: 06/11/06 10:35
Chapter: Chapter 2 - A Little Advice

Do NOT stop writing this story!! You have me hooked,

Author's Response: Thank you for reading! I do not plan on stopping... Another chapter is almost through the Beta/re-write process and will be submitted real soon.

Reviewer: xiofs13
Date: 06/08/06 1:12
Chapter: Chapter 1 - Beyond Friendships & Chocolate Frogs

That was a perfect chapter. I cant find a single thing that needs improvement. Your writing style is amazing, its not hurried or choppy but flows smoothly and almost with a sense of surety.10/10

Author's Response: Wow! Such high praise. If the chapter is anywhere near perfect than it is thanks to my Betas! My draft grammar and spelling are horrible, so the praise should go to them. I am very happy though that you like my story and enjoy my story telling style. Thank you, thank you, thank you! The next chapter is in queue.

Reviewer: Ice Nine IV
Date: 06/06/06 20:19
Chapter: Chapter 1 - Beyond Friendships & Chocolate Frogs

Oh crap that's brilliant. Really awesome invention there. Wish I'd thought of it. Great chapter man, obviously much more upbeat than the prologue. I really enjoyed your version of the Ron and Hermione hook up, having all three of them there sharing the moment, that's a real tear jerker. Wish I had more but I don't, Can't wait for the next one.

Author's Response: Thanks! I am glad you enjoyed the R/Hr hook up. I really felt like Harry had to be witness to it. Almost as though they wouldn't make it through without him as a component... And I felt Harry needed to wintess it to be sure it was real... All except for the snogging of course... becasue really... who wants to witness that? Thanks for the kind words. - Next chapter is in queue.

Reviewer: alyssa_cha
Date: 06/06/06 19:24
Chapter: Chapter 1 - Beyond Friendships & Chocolate Frogs

wow : )

Author's Response: Thank you! - Wow at anything in particular? Thanks for the comment...

Reviewer: expecto_patronum_this
Date: 06/06/06 19:18
Chapter: Prologue - Wrath of the Dark Lord

Impressive. I can say very confidently that you have a lot of talent with description. It’s very easy to see the surroundings and feel the emotions when you illustrate your scenes. The start with Snape was especially dark and well done. I enjoyed the atmosphere you provided with the smells of ‘death’ and ‘decay’.


On a side note, I found a couple things that were sort of awkward. Like in this sentence: He groped about awkwardly for a wand he felt certain would not be there; instead, he felt cold hard rock beneath him. This sentence works fine grammatically, but I’m not sure I’m feeling the ‘instead’. Since Snape isn’t fully expecting to feel his wand, it seems odd to use ‘instead’ rather than ‘as he had guessed’ or something along those lines. It could just be personal preference, but it makes more sense to me that way.

Also, this sentence here made me frown a bit: And the Dark Lord was furious! It made me frown because that is such a semi-cliffhanger, such an amazing statement that you put in a very good place to try to get a reaction – but the effect is ruined by the exclamation mark. Having that sentence where it is has impact on the reader enough – I think that if you lose the exclamation mark and make it a nice period it would have that “bam!” feeling that you're going for rather than a “bam!” followed by a fizzle.


That aside, I really enjoyed the way you bring Draco and Narcissa into the situation afterwards. It actually made me pity Draco, when Voldemort was Cruciatusing him. The entire dark feel to this fic was very real, and that was really enjoyable. My favorite part was when Voldemort marked Draco as a coward - it was a very neat idea. Good luck with the next chapter!




Author's Response: Wow! Thank you for the read, and thanks so much for the comments. I am very glad you enjoyed it. It feels good to have people whose fics you’ve enjoyed, show that they appreciate yours as well. I do hope you keep coming back to see more as I get more chapters up. Okay, so on to the things you found problematic. I am glad you felt comfortable bringing such things up, it seems that many readers just slide over what they think is problematic. Personally I enjoy such criticism, because it allows for growth, and I am the first to admit that there are a number of things I do awkwardly. I can’t spell worth a darn, never could, and I know that I have a unique phraseology about my speech sometimes. It does not surprise me that it creeps into my writing. So, I considered your comments very carefully and this is what I concluded. Regarding your first sentence of comment; you are suggesting that it would be better as - He groped about awkwardly for a wand he felt certain would not be there, as he had guessed, he felt cold hard rock beneath him. When I read that, it implies to me that he is thinking about the stone rather than the fact that there is no wand there to be found. If he is thinking about and expecting the stone, than what is the point of his discovering anything about it? Or drawing conclusions about his surroundings based on it. For me this doesn’t work, but I was never completely satisfied with the sentence anyway, so I re-wrote it. The passage now reads: He reached out along the floor, groping awkwardly for a wand he knew would not be there. He found cold hard rock beneath him, the edges of large flat squarely cut stones where they abutted one another. The careful fitting revealed that this was a place wrought by the hand of a thinking creature… To me the whole thing is a bit more comfortable now. As for the second comment, after looking at it, I would have to say that I agree that the exclamation point is not necessary, so I have removed it. Thanks so much for the kind words and the critique. That is exactly why authors crave reviews… just trying to make it all better. Thanks again.

Reviewer: xiofs13
Date: 06/01/06 18:34
Chapter: Prologue - Wrath of the Dark Lord

Wow this is amazing. I love the way that you started this fic, most authors don't even mention Draco in thier "book seven" your an amazing writer and i cant wait for more

10/10
and i dont think this chapter was violent at all

Author's Response: Thank you for your kind comments. I am happy that you enjoy he beginning. I have lot's in store for Draco throughout the story. But don;t expect him to take over one of the top character spots. I hope you'll keep reading. The Prologue was intended to pique curiosity, the next couple of chapters may be on the Romance side, but please keep reading and keep letting me know what you think! Thanks...

Reviewer: xiofs13
Date: 06/01/06 18:33
Chapter: Prologue - Wrath of the Dark Lord

Wow this is amazing. I love the way that you started this fic, most authors don't even mention Draco in thier "book seven" your an amazing writer and i cant wait for more

10/10
and i dont think this chapter was violent at all

Author's Response: Thank you for your kind comments.

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