Extremely insane schedule+compputer issues=no sunshine on mnff!!
Sorry about that>
OK, you gotta love Tonks! I love how she smashed up the stereotypes.
Alo, I don't see how Maia will manage to hise her blood status for a month, let alone 7 years!! But I guess that's why you're the writer, not me.
Nice : )
Ah, the trouble begins. Nice work with the Slytherin table; the danger for Maia there is almost palpable. I thought it was great that Kristiana gave her that warning before even saying hello or welcome. I'm curious how Maia is going to handle the adversity; whether she's going to be the tough girl in the pyschologist's office or the shy girl in unfamiliar Diagon Alley. You've introduced a lot of characters in this chapter and already given them distinct personalities. It'll take some juggling, but I think this story will end up with great interactions between all of them.
"No one would know her and everything would change." Oh, there's some tragic foreshadowing there! From what I know, I'm afraid she's in for rough times, but the new characters seem promising. I like how they're not overly friendly; Wiktoria being a little snooty and Kristiana being disappointed at first that Maia's Muggleborn. It seems that the two could easily become friends with Maia or just as easily turn on her, which really is the fear one has going to a new school. I can't wait to see which way it goes!
Oops, one thing I forgot to mention: there's a typo at the end, None and three quarters.
Nice! I felt like this was the chapter of Maisi. We've seen Diagon Alley from Maia's point of view through Harry before, but this was the first we've seen of a disdainful parent along for the ride. Maisi's character was showcased here, from her repeated "ridiculous!" judgments to her tendency to act bossy and overbearing in the face of uncertainty. It shows her own weaknesses, and also shows how Maia's life must have been growing up.
One part that confused me was when Maisi was going to open the door for her neighbor and then, next line, was staring at the map. On second glance, I saw that there was an extra blank line there, but sometimes those are hard to distinguish from a single blank line. I find that an asterisk on a single line between paragraphs makes those jumps clearer.
I love the psychologist scene! That was fantastic; I love how Maia toyed with that annoying woman. She had just the right amount of disdain and sarcasm. Also, the Instant Belief spell is a great idea. I was thinking there had to be more no-shows than just Maia, with so many Muggleborns, but that spell explains it nicely. I wonder why it didn't work on her mother, though. Is Maisi in that much shock or grief?
Great beginning! Maia's written well: cold, emotionless, but also vulnerable and wistful. I'll be curious to see more of her personality after the shock of her father's death wears off. I love the tone of the story, too. There are subtle details, especially in Maia's dialogue with her mother, that say so much. The characterizations are well-written that way. And I love the closing line; it makes me want to jump to chapter two to see her realize it is true. Nice job!
Yay! The final changes you made to McGonagall's welcome speech are perfect. Thanks for asking me to help out, can't wait to read more!
SLYTHERIN?!?!?!? I thought she was a total Ravenclaw...that's totally going to cause some issues for a Muggle-born...(obviously).
You didn't forget the story!! YAY!!!! I haven't seen it around in ages. I'm so happy that you updated : )
Author's Response: Indeed, it will cause issues. Half the plot, right there... :P And no, I didn't forget it. Just some beta problems and lots of school work. It was only my latest beta, Elliot, who managed to help me with the last line of the Slytherin verse... Glad you enjoyed it, and thank you for the review! :)
I miss Maia!! Why is your beta taking so long?
Author's Response: You know, I'm not sure... Both my betas for this story seem to have mysteriously disappeared... Still, I'll figure something out. In a worst-case cenario I'll post it unbetaed, or get another one.
I can't wait for the next chapter; you did such a great job : )
Author's Response: I'm sending chapter five to my beta now. :)
I was joking.
Author's Response: Ah... *has no sense of written sarcasm* :p
Nice...I like how you slipped in Patil and Patil and Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. It gave the story a certain touch. 10/10!
ps.. If you do end up adding a new character or two, can you write me in? ; )
Author's Response: I'll consider it. But the problem with adding other MNFF members as characters, is that my plot is more or less planned, as are all the characters, right up to the ones I'm introducing in 5th and 6th year. So, I'll consider it, but I can't make any promises. Thank you for your kind review! :)
I need more soon plaese.
Name: Kierra McMaster
Eyes: Dark brown
Hair: Dark, gold brown w/ blonde streaks
Loves: Pranks, reading, Harry Potter,
Can you plaese make a character to fit my personality?
Author's Response: Hm, I can't promise anything. Did you mean for this story? Because I'm not quite certain I can make it work with the plot. Chapter two has already been uploaded, and is waiting for validatiion as we speak.
After all the hard work I know you've put into this story, it's turned out very, very well! I found myself smiling and little bits- "Headmistress: Minerva McGonagall
(Order of Merlin 2nd Class, Ultimate Feline
Impersonator, Honorary Bagrat, High Witch)" Teehee, impersonator feline. =D. I also liked this particular part- "It would be nice to start afresh, she thought. Or as fresh as she could, in any case." Boy, do I know the feeling.
I think this chpater is well weighted- that si to say you haven't spent a great deal of time explaining Maia, or her family; i expect that's to come in later chapters. I'm especially looking forward to the pencil-muncher.
All in all, a very good first chapter! ♥
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the great review! I don't know how much about her family I will tell. You'll get some info about her mother, but the rest of her family isn't so important to the story. I'll have a christmas chapter where you meet her brothers, though. I'm so glad you liked it! You've been thuroughly helpful in the creation of this story, and I hope to keep hearing from you. Hugs!
this is sad, but its really good too!
Author's Response: Thank you! I assume you meant sad as in the story, not my efforts :P Don't worry, it won't continue to be quite so sad!