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Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: tpt42 (Signed) · Date: 02/24/07 21:24 · For: More Than a Broken Vow
Yeah, I'm def not a H/Hr person, but this story was written extremely well.

Author's Response: I love these reviews the most, I'm so glad I was able to write it well enough for you. Thank you so much!

Name: Simply Being (Signed) · Date: 09/29/06 20:53 · For: More Than a Broken Vow
Wow. Speechless. And this is coming from an avid Hermione/Ron shipper! Your reasoning, your narrative, your wonderful insight into Hermione's head and keeping her so in character. Bravo.

Author's Response: Thank you, that really means a lot to me to know I was able to appease to the R/Hr crowd, I really did try on this one! Thank you so much for the nice review!

Name: AurorGirl101 (Signed) · Date: 09/27/06 18:38 · For: More Than a Broken Vow
That was an amazing piece of fanfiction. I really really loved it. You might want to edit your summary, it says 'tetter' instead of 'letter'. Really great.

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review and for the heads up on my summary, consider it fixed. Thanks again for reviewing!

Name: wishiwereaweasley (Signed) · Date: 08/27/06 11:46 · For: More Than a Broken Vow
Ashley, my dear, your writing is gorgeous in this piece. Simply beautiful. Hermione's pain really comes across acutely, and in varying levels. Which makes little sense, I think, but what I mean is that you can feel her pain at abandoning Ron, and her guilt, but you can also feel her pain for Harry and her need to find him. They're separate, but also intertwined, and you do a good job with both of them.

I completely love the first paragraph. She starts out talking in verse, as she puts it, and then you can almost feel her sigh as she realizes that it's just putting her off from what she needs to do. My only little suggestion is that in the first few sentences, you refer to the sun as 'it' and then later, it becomes 'he.' I actually really like when you used 'he,' but ultimately, I think it just needs to be consistent.

At the time that was all I wanted to hear, and for that I loved you in return. After all, Dumbledore had always said that love would win the war. These sentences I love, although they make me so incredibly sad for Ron and Hermione. Like she loves him for the wrong reasons from the start and they never really had a chance. Although this is coming from a R/Hr person, so that probably has something to do with it. ;-)

I laughed at him and told him I was not the child heíd met on the train almost eight years ago. So this is me being really picky, but I think it should be 'before' instead of 'ago'. It would be ago if she was relating direct dialogue, but since the events are in the past, and the sentence is in the past, it would have to be 'before'.

But the dead were still dead, and there were scars on our bodies and our hearts that would never heal. This sentence is also really powerful. It completely captures the effects of war. My great uncle was in Vietnam, and he was never the same. I guess I didn't know him before, but that's what my dad says, anyway. I think it takes and enormous amount of courage to go out and fight for something, knowing it will break you, but it will help the next generation. (Vietnam wasn't really like that, but still). And I could totally see that happening to the trio. To all the main people, really.

He needs me Ron, and I need him; Another nitpick here, but I think you need a comma between 'me' and 'Ron'.

You know I don't like H/Hr, I think, but I am expanding my horizons and reading more of it, tee hee. And despite my inner inclination to yell at her to go back to Ron, I really enjoyed this. You've made it seem believable to me, that Harry would unburden himself to her, and it would make her see him in a whole new light. And you didn't ignore Ron, which a lot of what I've read does. So kudos to you, my dear, on an eloquent and touching and believable piece of writing.

Author's Response: Thanks for the beautiful and thoughtful review Lys, I really appreciate it. It made me smile all happy like. I will be sure to fix the mistakes. Thanks :)

Name: Starmaiden (Signed) · Date: 06/26/06 23:36 · For: More Than a Broken Vow
Fascinating. I've seen several fics in which Hermione leaves Ron for Harry, but not after marriage. Your characterization, though interesting, is not actually badly done at all. It's just a fresh perspective on who they are as individuals. A lot of people tend to think of the Trio, and forget about who they are as themselves. This poses an interesting problem. Hermione's always taken care of both of them; when Harry has no one, is left alone, what happens? Very well done!

Oh -- and the first time I noticed, through SPEW, that you'd written this, I skipped it (I'm sorry!) But since then, I've bought Josh Groban's "Closer", so...:D

Author's Response: *grins* Thanks for the review, it was lovely. Along with Josh Groban, he is lovely too, he's my future husband. "More Than a Broken Vow" is one of my favorite songs and the inspiration for this story.

Name: GringottsVault711 (Signed) · Date: 06/25/06 18:23 · For: More Than a Broken Vow
Iíll say straight out, Iím not a big H/Hr Romance fan. I think theyíre friendship is amazing, and seeing it turned to romance and sacrificing the R/Hr relationship in the process just kind ofÖ tugs at me wrong. [Just a disclaimer in case it taints some of my remarks, which I hope it wonít.]

First thing Iím noticing looking back at this is, ĎA year later we were married,í. I absolutely love how you handled this Ė your technique for providing backstory is gorgeous. Thatís always something I genuinely admire in a writer. Flashbacks can be nice sometimes, but slipping background into the narration is so much better. And itís not like you leave the reader wondering ĎWhy on Earth is she telling Ron what he already knows?í It was wonderfully crafted. *applause*

Moving on Ė characterisation. Hermione first, since this is all her writing, her point of view. I donít generally like first person, but this is a different format: a letter. It is a very different kind of first person and I think you pulled it off well. This does sound like something that she would write. Would Hermione get metaphorical? Yes, probably. And, besides, the embellishment isnít overdone, itís subtle. Shakespeare!Hermione might have been a little overzealous, yes. But you definitely retained her sense of rationalization and logic. And thatís what this entire piece feels like Ė is Hermione really merely apologising, or is this her justifying her own feelings to herself? I definitely see at as both.

As to Hermioneís actual actions, and to the justification, also well done and IC. Hermione has a great sense of Bravery when it comes to her devotion to Harry, and this all follows through with that. Her feelings for Ron have always been pushed away Ė however, I always saw that as her choosing Harry over Herself, rather than Harry over Ron ;) But, alas, there is the tiny canon shipper inside of me. Iíll have to ask her to be quiet for the rest of this. Though, you did leave enough room for that to still be true, and I like that. Thereís room for interpretation.

Harry, while only referenced, is also wonderfully IC, and so is Ron. Iím glad you didnít bash Ron, for one. I especially loved ďÖif only you could have heard, Ron, you would have died for him tooĒ. You just demonstrate a wonderful understanding and acceptance of the entire Trio dynamic, and also pick the right ones to give it a H/Hr spin. Thatís so often missing in pretty much all shippy romance stories. And also, props on not completely overlooking the H/G pairing [though honestly, H/G= *gag* -- itís still good that you recognized it. It makes it so much more believable.] Itís rather irritating when people choose to ignore canon because theyíre not fond of it. However, of all people: Dean? Ah, well.

What I love most about this is the ending and just the feeling that this isnít over or resolved. That it never will be. Itís full of freedom, but pain and sadness. Hermione still has love for both of them. ďDo not give up hope for meĒ Ė such a heart wrenching way to end this kind of letter. I feel like Ron reading this Ė and that line can summon heartache, but also confusion, anger. I can feel his misunderstanding, but also his acceptance. The situation youíve presented has so much room for different and conflicting emotions.

I donít have criticism. Oops. This is very real; itís what a letter should be. It doesnít need some insanely complicated love triangle plot, or some introduction narration where Ron finds the letter on his clichťd bedside dresser. Itís just wonderful as it is, this is the kind of thing I like. Something that can be appreciated for what it is :)

Author's Response: *squee* I got a review from Jenna, I am so happy, i could die, I've read this over and over again and it just makes me so happy that you took so much time to walk me through the story. I really appreciate it. *huggles*

Name: BeckyRose (Signed) · Date: 06/19/06 11:33 · For: More Than a Broken Vow
Wow...you've got some really incredible description right there. Excellent writing style.
Very nice job, 'Hermione' composed the letter very effectivley so to tell him the truth, but not to hurt him to much. Very nice plot!

Author's Response: Thank you again for another wonderful comment! I appreciate the compliments! It makes a writier happy :)

Name: Harriet Evans (Anonymous) · Date: 06/03/06 16:49 · For: More Than a Broken Vow
This was a beautifully written and touching piece of writing. Hermione's strong emotions are well conveyed and you also manage to introduce what has gone before in a smooth manner, without interupting the flow of the writing too much.

In terms of concrit I would just make a couple of comments. The first is that I think that in some sections the language is slightly too poetic, and if you could tone it back, just a little, then Hermione's voice would ring a little clearer - bearing in mind that this is written in the first person and therefore should 'sound' like Hermione. For example: and though the happiness that filled my heart was hopeful, the darkness of the war still impended. - would Hermione write 'impended'? Not sure - sorry!

The other comment is regarding the ending comment from Hermione. weíve come to a place where you donít need me anymore After all the poetic backstory, she seems to be dismissing him quite... coldly, really. And they are married -- so she is renaging on her marriage vows? I'm also not quite clear on the charm she performed - is she literally dying?Is there some magical link? Or just emotional? I just felt that this section needed a little more to explain the emotions.

Oh dear. I seem to sound very negative, when in fact I think this is very beautifully and poetically written, with very nice characterisation. Extremely enjoyable - in a heart rending way, if you see what I mean. I hope you will forgive my comments which are meant in an entirely positive way. Thanks. Alison.

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the very concrit review. I'd love to talk to you about this story in the future to get some more input but in the meantime thank you very much for the in depth review.

Name: eaglebird (Signed) · Date: 05/09/06 13:38 · For: More Than a Broken Vow
This is a really powerful story and , yes, it touched me deeply. It could be so much a very real ending to JKR's HP7! I do doubt that Ginny would turn back to Dean, but if she did, it would send Harry into a cataclysm. I can see Hermione feeling for her good friend Harry over those years, ad then realizing those feelings were the basis for her new love. But so sad to end this way. Great story. Thanks.

Author's Response: No! Thank you for the nice review, I'm very glad that it seemed realistic, I was trying not to make it too far out there that Ron/Hermione shippers would hate me for it. Thanks!

Name: Khrys (Signed) · Date: 05/08/06 17:23 · For: More Than a Broken Vow
Wow. What a wonderful, heartfelt description.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad it was moving :)

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