MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!
Reviews For Senses

Name: Rowan Weasley (Signed) · Date: 04/17/07 21:36 · For: Sensing the End
No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can't let Hermione die and leave Ron to deal with it.
Please write more, even if I have to cry for Hermione.

Name: h3art0f1nk (Signed) · Date: 04/17/07 21:01 · For: Sensing the End
Ooh, that was wonderful, and I can't wait for the last chapter! Please update soon! I'm dying to know what happens.

Name: Starmaiden (Signed) · Date: 04/17/07 18:45 · For: Sensing the End
O.o Two chapters almost at once! Exciting!

I like how this scene starts in complete confusion, but calms when Lupin takes charge. He’s that sort of person, able to think clearly in times of crisis, practical, and deeply caring.

"Graveyard," Ginny chocked, rasping out a dry cough as the word scratched across her tongue.
There’s an extra “c” in “choked.”

And then, as quickly as it touched her stomach, she felt it taking affect.
That should be “effect.” You affect something with your actions; an action effects you.

The weak rhythm of her beating heart was the only sound that remained, pictures of her family and friends flashing in her eyes with each soft thump. Images not of the life she'd known, but of the life she hoped would continue after she was gone.
I love the auditory imagery (if that’s the right phrase). This seems to me like a movie scene where the screen goes black as the character fades out. I love how she doesn’t reflect on her own life, but thinks ahead to those she loves. That’s real love, and it demonstrates Hermione’s depth of character.

I’m glad Snape seems to be going along with my one (currently) accurate prediction! I’ll be interested to see how you explain his presence and his loyalty. (I’m thinking that it’s not a death-potion, but something helpful. Which you could probably tell, but I added for the sake of context.)

You have quite the talent for inventing spells and magics – here, I’m referring to Ron’s love-spell. I like how powerful and devastating it is. Love is generally good, but the stronger it is, the stronger the consequences it brings. And Ron doesn’t even know exactly what it did -- something else that can happen with love.

He made a feeble attempt to speak, to utter his friends name in thankfulness, to inquire about Harry's unexpected disguise, but his lips couldn't form the words.
There should be an apostrophe in “friend’s.”

He was looking into the face that had haunted his dreams and waking thoughts for the past few months, reading unspeakable emotion in black eyes that had passed on nothing but scorn for everything he held dear for the past seven years.
Well, I guess we’ll find about Snape soon enough! That’s cool; I wasn’t sure how big a part he’d play. I love the part about "unspeakable emotion." Harry's world has turned upside-down about five times in two days, and Snape's just thrown him for yet another loop. It's amazing how you're hinting at so much in Snape's life without actually going to Snape's PoV.

The world froze for a moment as realisation set it, Harry’s insides trembling as he shook his head in disbelief...
I'm guessing this is meant to read, "...as realisation set IN."

Three points of view for the same scene – well, there’s new stuff and overlap (the overlap really helps to move the story, rather than retelling it) – very impressive. Again, you’ve somehow advanced the plot, even though we are seeing the same scene repeatedly. And it’s a good plot, lots of twists and imagination, though nothing completely implausible – I love the cliffhangers, even as I hate them!

You’ve got a lot to wrap up in this next chapter. Let’s see: Hermione’s fate, two relationships, Snape, who’s dead and who’s hurt, the fate of the entire Wizarding World. I think you can do it :D

I’m sad to see that this story is ending; congratulations in advance for a great one. I’ll definitely be checking back to see what else you write!

Name: Champion_Shoes (Signed) · Date: 04/17/07 18:26 · For: Sensing the End
Is Hermione dead? If Hermione dies, then Ron pretty much dies of grief later. I remain in denial and still am confident that she is alive and unwell. But alive! I also think that Snape is good, and that potion will just rejuvenate her in time.

Name: Starmaiden (Signed) · Date: 04/17/07 17:09 · For: Darkness Clouds the Senses
I won’t point fingers about long waits. My own story’s been on hold for months now. But it was worth the wait!

I love the way you tell the story through so many eyes, and each way – it’s not just repeating events with different emotions, as happens sometimes – it’s a whole new perspective. Which sounds the same, but it isn’t. For instance:
She shivered at the thought, her gaze drifting automatically to find his face, her only light in the all consuming blackness. He was still struggling to break free from his captors, though his attempts were weakening rapidly, his eyes streaming as he unblinkingly stared at her face. She watched his lips tremble slightly as a faint whisper of words trickled unheard into the breeze. Even without hearing she knew what he'd said... he was sorry. And he loved her.
Her gaze suddenly drifted in his direction, sweeping his face as though trying to bring him comfort. He unconsciously struggled against his captors again, a reflex upon seeing that look in her eyes.
"I'm sorry, Hermione," he mumbled tremulously, "I love you."

They notice some of the same things, reinforcing those; they notice different things, defining their personalities; and they look a lot at each other, strengthening the way they feel about each other and showing their relationship better than either of them knows it alone.

The one mistake I found is here:
she thought desperately as she drug her eyes open, searching blindly through her watery gaze for his face
That should be “dragged.”

Harry grunted loudly as he leapt over a large fallen tree limb, never taking his eyes off the fleeing form before him. He couldn't slow down, not even for a moment. He had to stop the Death Eater before he let Harry's secret be known.
This part confused me a little. You used the pronouns properly, but it’s still awkward. I don’t know if there’s a way to make it better; maybe rearranging of the sentences (which, as an author, I’ll take a stab and guess that this is one of the parts you rewrote repeatedly…sorry to annoy you further).

Love this phrase:
Harry raced in their direction as the Death Eaters knocked Ron to the ground, propelled forward by the sound of Ron's voice as he cried out Hermione's name.
It’s such a magnificent use of words. It’s so eloquent and even manages to make sense at the same time!

I’m amazed at how you entwine not one, but two relationships – giving both equal attention – and you still keep a major plotline going! There aren’t any chapters where you focus on just one at expense of the other.

And your powers of description are amazing, as well.
Lying near the outskirts of the forgotten fray was Ginny, her fiery locks fanned in tangled knots around her face, her body beaten and bloodied after a long night of fighting. Her normally bright face was cast in a ghostly pallor, her freckles disturbingly accentuated against the grayish tinge of her skin.
It’s very easy to picture not only Ginny, but the scenery around her and the situation (“forgotten” fray). Of course, I can’t quote the entire chapter, but the same goes for the rest of it! I can almost see all this in front of me, thanks to your explicit description. And it never gets bogged down in details.

The spell you created to test Hermione was interesting. It’s a nice touch to use the bone-marrow-dust; we’ve seen that used before with other Dark magic. I wasn’t expecting it to actually hurt her like that, though; I expected Snape to Stun her or use something similarly…nonlethal. I was also astonished when the bone dust sank into her – I had guessed that the dust would accept only Harry. Of course, the spell may well end in a different way; you’ve only shown part of it here. Now that Harry is actually on the scene (incognito, but I don’t think that’ll stay for long), I’m expecting the spell to change direction. Not that anything else I expected was right, but the speculation is fun.

Man. The plot twist at the very end is marvelous. It sheered off so suddenly that I got a little confused, but the place you’ve brought us to is fantastic. I can’t wait for the next chapter!

Name: dramaqueen88 (Signed) · Date: 04/17/07 13:29 · For: Sensing the End
Validate soon! I can't wait to read the new chapter!

Author's Response: I got an email that it was approved, so now we're just waiting for the glitch to be fixed I suppose. And just so you know, I think the mods look at reviews like this as spam now. I love hearing from my readers, but I don't want anyone to get a warning! =)

Name: Llama lady Lily (Signed) · Date: 04/13/07 4:31 · For: Darkness Clouds the Senses
Ahh! That was so mean!
He just has to sit there and watch him kill her! That's not fair!

Author's Response: I'm a wicked, wicked author. Poor Ron, it was rather cruel, but I still hold to the fact that Hawkins crucioed me until I agreed to put that part in there!

Name: Angela_Prongs (Signed) · Date: 04/09/07 12:23 · For: Dulling of the Senses
When are you planning on updating this? Every time a new chapter is submitted, I have to re-read it because I forgot it! Please hurry up!!!

Author's Response: Artistic genius takes time *laughs and adjusts modesty cap* I've had alot on my plate, trust me I thought about needing to update on a daily basis. That didn't mean I actually had time to do so, but it was on my mind all the same. But, I've updated now, so hopefully it will be accepted soon

Name: Aggieboy9 (Signed) · Date: 04/04/07 8:43 · For: Darkness Clouds the Senses
When are you going to update? I love this story and want to know what happens next.

Author's Response: Done, you should find out soon

Name: Rattiy le Faye (Signed) · Date: 04/02/07 22:26 · For: Darkness Clouds the Senses
It should move. What a cliff hanger!! Ohh.. that's mean!! *wails*

Author's Response: *wicked grin* Oh yes... I am evil. And it did move, thanks for your input!

Name: h3art0f1nk (Signed) · Date: 03/30/07 14:37 · For: Dulling of the Senses
It's been almost two months! When are you going to update?!

Author's Response: Just did, sorry for the craziness that is my life

Name: Nevica5 (Signed) · Date: 03/26/07 18:28 · For: Dulling of the Senses
Don't leave the story like that! Please update soon!

Author's Response: I would never abandon this story, its like my baby. Should be through the queue soon *crosses fingers*

Name: Silver Whisper (Signed) · Date: 03/11/07 23:51 · For: Darkness Clouds the Senses
Well, there is definatly much more Hermione/Ron action going on. its more in depth and experimental with their relationship. However there are stories around with ALOT LESS infomation about the "other relationship" going on, and they are in the H/R, H/G category. So i reckon your probably better off putting it in that category.

Love your story by the way, and please respond to my beta request (i sent it to you a few days ago now!)

keep up the good work!

~Love Sarah~

Author's Response: So noted, story moved. Thanks dear =)

Name: LiaWitch20 (Signed) · Date: 03/05/07 16:22 · For: Darkness Clouds the Senses
My! This story always surprised me. It gets better with each chapter!!!
And I think I'd like to see the story in the R/Hr and H/G category. I really enjoy the H/G parts!!!

Author's Response: Done =)

Name: phoenixflyerF22 (Signed) · Date: 03/04/07 20:40 · For: Darkness Clouds the Senses
This story is GREAT!!! Please update!! I'm in dying need to find out what happens next!!!!

Author's Response: Just updated, sorry for the wait!

Name: weasleys_king (Signed) · Date: 03/02/07 19:18 · For: Darkness Clouds the Senses
this story is amazing! please please plase finish it!

Author's Response: Of course I will, one more chapter after 15 posts =)

Name: rachellia (Signed) · Date: 02/25/07 10:21 · For: Darkness Clouds the Senses
update please, i'm dying here!

Author's Response: Sorry! Just did!

Name: bubble (Signed) · Date: 02/24/07 19:38 · For: Dulling of the Senses
Ha ha
I still found it!
Ya moved it and I still found it!
Lovely story!
Ps: please don't move it again!

Author's Response: It is now in its permanent home. Thanks for reading!

Name: Kiwi_Chick (Signed) · Date: 02/23/07 22:41 · For: Darkness Clouds the Senses
OMG! I have just read your story for the first time right thru to here. I love it!! I can't wait to see what happens. Please update soon. I'm soo glade that you have kept the characters cannon. Keep up the great work.

Author's Response: Canon is the way to go, and bravo for sitting through this whole thing in one go! *applauds* Updated a little while ago, should hopefully post soon

Name: Blue Eyed Stranger (Signed) · Date: 02/19/07 20:06 · For: Darkness Clouds the Senses
jeez, scared the hell out of me when i couldn't find this in the R/Hr section...could've warned me!

was awesome as always. two chapters left eh? fast chapters? cause i seem to be wastin a heck of a lot of time checkin this site every day to see if you've updated

Author's Response: You know you can click a square in your user options that allows the site to send you emails whenever chapters are updated, that way you wont waste any time checking to see the status of the stories...

You must login (register) to review.