Reviews For Regret
Reviewer: Cwiddy
Date: 02/25/07 21:37
Chapter: One Stormy Night

Great attempt at the Sestina! I did struggle some circling around with some of the lines, but this was well thought out and i can tell you put a lot of work into it! Thanks for sharing!

Author's Response: If you mean where the sentences continued onto the next line, I was frustrated with that, too. Thanks for reading!

Reviewer: hogwartsrules
Date: 01/24/07 14:45
Chapter: One Stormy Night

awww, *sniffs* so sad!

(Wickedly long review, eh?)

Author's Response: Glad you liked it!

Reviewer: Euphrates
Date: 12/24/06 15:22
Chapter: One Stormy Night

Wow. I love this poem. It is truly amazing. After reading this, I went and looked up how to write a Sestina....and I have decided that I like to write them! Thank you for showing me this amazing first and inspiring example.

Sorry, but now for the nitpicking and the (hopefully) construcutive cristicism.

In the second paragraph (are they called sestets? I'll call them that from now on) the first line read: She closed her eyes, rose to her feet, stood: a waterfall *end*. I don't know if the : (whatever they're called - this is why I am not a beta) is appropriate. I think in place of that, you could either put a semicolon (;) or end the sentence there and then start the next as A waterfall... (I hope that made sense.)

In the fifth sestet, a section read:
It was all becoming clearer,

If only little by little. It hit her in a waterfall,

In a tide of realization, her unsure feelings a mere drip.


In the beginning of this section, you said everything was becoming clearer, if only little by little, and then you said it hit her in a waterfall, in a tide of realization, as if it hit her abruptly, though you had just said before that it hadn't. This confused me a little, and I suggest that you could say something like... It was all becoming clearer,

If only little by little, until it suddenly hit her in a waterfall,

In a tide of realization, her unsure feeling a mere drip.
Feel free to dismiss my criticism or to accept it, or to accept it and make your own changes.

Okay, onto more total adoration...

My favorite oart of this poem is the ending tercet. It seems to me that Ginny isn't one to just "give up", so her being able to accept what happened seems very in canon to me.

Wonderful fic. Many, many more stars than only five.

1000000000/10

Tyger, Tyger, burning bright -
~Euphrates

Author's Response: Oh, my goodness, thank you so much for the wonderful review! You're right about the waterfall bit, surely. And the : is a colon, and can be used in place of an adverb. Thank you again!

Reviewer: just_the_contrary
Date: 12/10/06 16:26
Chapter: One Stormy Night

This isn't spam because I'm telling you that I just realized I reviewed this a while ago and forgot, so now I feel like a complete idiot. :) But anyways, my review still goes. Hehe.

Reviewer: just_the_contrary
Date: 12/10/06 16:24
Chapter: One Stormy Night

Hi!
This is Jenn and I'm reviewing for two reasons. One is that I fell in love with sestinas when I first read one you wrote in the Ravenclaw common room a while back, and this one is amazing. You really capture the emotion, and you use your chosen words very well.

The second reason is that I just want to tell you that we're discussing this poem in my poetry class (Arithmancy) because we're working on sestinas and sonnets. If you want to drop by and read what we have to say or anything like that, you're definitely welcome. :)

I love it!

-Jenn

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm excited that you're talking about it. That's completely an honour! I'll be sure to find it. And don't worry about double-reviewing, that's perfectly all right. Who doesn't want reviews? Thanks again!

Reviewer: SIRIUS WILL NOT DIE
Date: 06/25/06 12:54
Chapter: One Stormy Night

THIS WAS REALLY GOOD, BUT IT KIND OF CONFUSED ME, A LITTLLE

Author's Response: So how, exactly, did it confuse you?

Reviewer: comewhatmay
Date: 05/20/06 22:20
Chapter: One Stormy Night

omg!!!! could you have made it even more sad =(

Author's Response: I'm sorry! I hope it had a happy ending, though.

Reviewer: the nutty imp
Date: 05/15/06 4:22
Chapter: One Stormy Night

First of all I'd like to applaud you for braving the realm of formal poetry and all it's strict format. Most people find using it constrictive and moreover you've decided to use Sestina. A style of whose rhythm is not in the meter but in the rearrangement of words.

Hope you don't mind my nit-pick of a start.

1st of all I would like to suggest that you not capitalise the beginning of each line. This is not needed and the use of small letters best show that you're coninuing the sentence from the previous line. Thus improve the flow.

1st Sestet

She breathed the thick air, shaking, pools

The imagery here is somewhat confusing. May I suggest: She breathed the thick air, eyes a shaking pool or She breathed the thick air, shaking(,) pools

I'd also like to suggest to not switch between clear and clarity. Although they mean the same, it just sounds better if you stick to clear. So I suggest: Enveloped in loneliness, her mind muddled and not clear.

2nd sestet

She closed her eyes, rose to her feet, stood(,); a waterfall

Just so we know the sentence ended and a new idea/image starts

4th sested

No one, no one could explain, no one could clarify

Again I'd like to suggest to not inter-change clarity and clear. I suggest: No one, no one could explain, no one could make clear

On the tercet. I think the pattern ought to be 2,5; 4,3; and 6;a. So I suggest:
She watched the pool as it rained

Acceptance, eased her soulís pounding; her past finally made clear.

Around her, her waterfall of sadness slowing to a gentle drip

This has a nice flow to it. I think the thing that disturbs it is the confusion the constant capitalisation made. What I like is that the feeling of a girl mourning, her regret was clearly depicted. And it can be made applicable to any character.

This form of poetry restricts your word choice but it doesn't feel constricted at all. Amazing job Delaney! Love the last two lines of your tercet. It gives a nice closure to this - there was still regret but also acceptance. ^_^

Author's Response: Aaah! *endless huggles* Thank you! I'd never even considered leaving out the capitalization at the beginning of the lines that are continuing sentences, but you're endlessly right about those--the flow is so much more clear now! I've done some research, and the form for the last stanza is: 5,1; 6,2; 3,4. Thank, you, though, for the amazing alternate tercet! *more huggles* and squees for wonderful reviews.

Reviewer: just_the_contrary
Date: 05/01/06 15:11
Chapter: One Stormy Night

I am amazed. You are a very, very skilled poet, and this poem is an amazing work. I looked up how to write a Sestina once and below the intructions it read, 'for most poets, the Sestina is just a literary exercise and usually the poem does not have any real meaning.' I would like to let you know that you most certainly defied this, and that your poem is deeply meaningful. Your use of this poetic style is astonishing. I love it. Good work. I love the last three lines (I forget the correct term). :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your lovely review! I love sestinas! I'm glad you understood and enjoyed it.

Reviewer: chislarina
Date: 05/01/06 4:49
Chapter: One Stormy Night

keep up the poems

Author's Response: Thank you!

Reviewer: chislarina
Date: 05/01/06 4:48
Chapter: One Stormy Night

Wow. you are a natural poet!
good on ya!!!!
Chislarina


Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.

You must login (register) to review.
Information
Find out everything you need to know about the site right here.


We have stories and authors in this archive.

:

RSS
Choose Theme:
SOCIAL MEDIA
     
MOST RECENT
M.I.T.: Entente Cordial by Northumbrian 6th-7th Years
A strange and seemingly inexplicable death in London's West End brings an unlikely...
A Squib's Journey by ntoforhp 6th-7th Years
Jeffery Potter always had sensed he was somehow different from his playmates...
Out of the Blue by Secret Marauder 90 1st-2nd Years
This story weaves the tale of James and Lily from the day they met right up...
FEATURED
Five Christmases by hestiajones 1st-2nd Years
It took four Christmases for Andromeda Black and Ted Tonks to get together...
Coming Alive by The owl 6th-7th Years
Leanne Gamp hadn't wanted to be at that party, even though it was Christmas...
Graves by Oregonian 1st-2nd Years
In December of 1997, Harry visits his parents' graves in Godric's Hollow and...
CATEGORIES