"Emily rolled her eyes and looked up the girls stares" should be "stairs" not "stares" :)
Lol can't wait to find out what happens when Lily discovers James has been a girl sleeping in her dorm :P
"mumbling under her breathe" should be "breath" not "breathe".
"There was five minutes of silence" should be "there *were* five minutes of silence"
"They walked passed everyone in the common room" should be "they walked past"
"James, Remus, and Sirius watched as they disappeared out of site" should be "disappeared out of sight"
Also, I don't think Dumbledore would say "kids"- he'd probably say "students".
Funny story so far though ;)
you often use the phrase "would of", it should be "would have". It's just that a lot of people mispronounce it "would of".
""You took it too far," James said, shacking his head"
should be SHAKING, not SHACKING :P
HaHa,That was asome.i liked the way Emily and Remus slapped Marie,it was her falt,she deserved it! Great story, *~*CowGirlHPFan*~*
ahh man. this is crazy. crazy good that is =] it would be better if it could be published a bit faster...i keep having to reread a few chapters before the new one to remember what is going on
Author's Response: I try to get chapters out real fast, but they are slow at getting accepted. I submitted this two weeks ago. I thought they would read it alot sooner, but no. Anyway, thanks for the review.
It's a good concept, but I feel like you leave out some details. It's a little fast-paced, but I liked it. The only thing I didn't like was that you had a lot of grammar and spelling errors. It is a good story, and I'll keep reading if you keep updating.
Author's Response: I know there is a few grammer errors, but it's really not my fault. My computer has a spelling a grammer check thing. They underline every little mistake. But sometimes there is no mistake and they underline it anyway. I'll try to fix my mistakes in the next chapter. Thanks for the review.
This may have been a short chapter but it was worth the wait! I loved it! Finally Marie got what she deserved! Great work, PLEASE update soon!
i love this story, cant wait til the next chapter
this story is really good. i like the plot line and it made me laugh the first time i read it even though i hadnt laughed in a few weeks! thamks and i hope you write some more of these stories!!
Wait... Didn't they hear Emily say the incantation? Kinda confused... But I lurve the story! Keep writing, please!
Great storyline!! You should keep writing it!!
Brilliant Story! Loved It!! Update Soon!!!
I can't wait for the next chapter!!!
hasen't emily found out how to tun into a boy?
mdaaa... I really liked this... It's great... I loved it :) and when it'll be finished?
This is a simply fantastic story. I love pretty much everything about it - especially the fact that it's hilarious!
The first thing that really kept me reading was your presentation of the characters...
I love the James/Lily ship, so I really like the ties to it in the story. I think how Lily refuses to admit that she likes James matches her character - as does her breakdown and determination to find him when he goes "missing". Also, how James is so anxious to find out if she likes him or not is great. You wrote both of them really well in that aspect.
The Marauders were beautifully written - and extremely funny! I especially loves Sirius and Peter - Sirius always joking around, and Peter sort of blundering about and being clueless. I also like the idea of James' ability to act the leader, and be confident. Remus was just as I expected, always knowledgeable and reading... but also reluctant to use the knowledge for pranks.
Lily was written very well, but I think the characters you created are most worthy of praise. Emily is perfect - she's trustworthy, creative, and slightly devious... so her overall character is fantastic. But no character could be as perfect as Marie - what's a story without the diabolical, evil character? She fits the role like a piece to a puzzle - she's really determined to get what she wants, and nothing is going to stop her! Characters like Marie must be really fun to write... but in my opinion, they're even more fun to read.
The characters were what kept me reading, but of course what really hooked me in the beginning was the hilarious plot line! Beginning the story with a twist of fate like the backfiring spell is truly brilliant. I love the spells you created, too.
The overall easiness and flow of the characters' actions make the story really fun to read. what would usually be called "the natural flow" of things could never be as smooth as this! I especially love how they are just accepted by McGonagall like *snaps* that.
The boys' realization of how hard it is to be a girl (or how hard it is to make friends as a girl) was something I really appreciated. Boys are so ignorant to the way a girl will act or react most of the time. I laughed when I read that. Guys will never learn...
Emily's plan was a really great suspense mechanism in the story. I like how, before they find out what it is, James thinks 'This will be good.' at the end of each chapter. Also, you used what was the original conflict as a prank later on. That makes me wonder if Emily knows how to change back into a girl. The suspense continues, too. I'm waiting for the mods to validate chapter 11 because you never know if the plan will work as designed, or even work at all!
Honestly, besides minor grammatical errors and small problems with the flow of the story, I couldn't find anything wrong with it. I understood it perfectly, and really enjoyed reading it so far. It's really hilarious! Now the mods just need to validate the next chapter!
Best of luck in the future!
Author's Response: Glad u like the story so much. Thanks for telling me u think the characters are great. Marie was the hardest one to make though, I didn't know if I should make her good or bad. But I thought I needed one bad character. She is actually created from one of my class mates. Not giving her real name, I think she would kill me if I did that. Anway, I'm really glad u like the story, I'm hoping chapter eleven gets accepted. Then I can submit chapter twelve, I don't have it written yet. But I have it all planned out. Thanks for this long review!!!
wow!!!!!!! i never thought that i could fall for a story in the first half a chapter!! this story intrigues me so!!! i hope i read many more to come!!!