It's quite a sick concept but it made me smile anyway! Lol, I suppose I have a weird mind. I like the rhyming and I love the humourous edge to it. Story-Poems are the way forward! :)
I liked this poem a lot. It was a very interesting read. The only thing I disliked it seems you followed a rhyme scheme too throughly. We all want our poems to rhyme; rhyming poems are more impressive and generally pack in more words and feelings. However, I think you tried to make this poem rhyme too much. This sort of disrupted the flow. The most important thing in poetry is flow, and then comes rhyme and style. However, I liked the idea and really am looking foward to reading another poem by you, because I believe if you focus on flow more than rhyme you could write some amazing poems! This poem has a lot of potential, and keep up the good work!
Pretty good, I like the way you made it seem a bit funny from the snake's point of view... or was that an accident? LOL- There's only one thing, at times the verses felt very choppy, as if you stuck whatever words there. Really weird, but very good! Keep it up!!!
nice, a touch of menace
2 thumbs up!