This was very good. I liked how you used the repetition. It gave it a very nice flow.
Oh yeah, Dumbledore wasn't capitalized, I'm not sure if that was for emphosis or not, but as its a name it should be capitalized.
Very good poem. I look forward to reading more!
Author's Response: This was actually the first thing I ever posted, so there were a lot of punctuation errors. Also, it was done for a challenge with the theme "Apathy is Lethal", so what I intended to do was not use any punctuation or grammar. The moderator thought differently, apparently, and it was rejected several times.
So yeah... because of the friction, I think this'll be the last poem I post.
- Jacie the Cat
That was wonderful ryhming there Jacie! Well done, that was a fantastic poem, I envy your talent immensely. Abbi :)
Author's Response: Thanks, Abbi! That means a lot coming from my fellow Slytherin!
- Jacie the Cat
Wow, beautiful. :)
The thoughts behind it are excellent and it's almost mind-boggling. I love the way you captured Fudge - it's excellent.
This is so going on my faves. It's really the best poem I've read in a long time.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm actually a songwriter, so poetry has been something I've been relatively good at, but this is one of the best compliments I've received in a while!
- Jacie the Cat
This was really great. The flow was awesome! And I think you really captured Cornelius' feelings when he realized that he had totally screwed up. This was wonderful. One of the best poems I have ever read on here. :D
Author's Response: Thank you so much, hun! Knowing the company I hold, that's an exceptional compliment as a writer.
- Jacie the Cat
I really liked th general idea of the poem, but i felt that it didn't flow very well, some of the lines stood out as amazing, like the last line, (which is my favorite), but other were fevy chopy... *hides and hopes jace dosn't kill her* lol
Author's Response: Aww, how could I hurt you??
I think this is the first time someone said it didn't flow well, but that's good! Hearing the same thing gets old and boring. I know I didn't follow exact poetry rules (if there is such a thing..) because some lines are a few syllables longer than others. The way I write my peotry is as if I'm telling a story, not writing something based on strict rules. Poetry shouldn't be about that. (*grumbles because this contest brings back bad memories of him and Meave*)
Your favorite line is the favorite of many others.. I try to finish leaving an impression on my readers.
- Jacie the Cat
Aww poor Fudge. I like the bit about Cedraic.
Author's Response: Thanks! - Jacie the Cat
I was really interested to read this, blackhairedweasley, because your poem has pretty much the exact same topic as my entry, only in a completely different style of poem. It’s always interesting to see how a completely different person expresses a very similar message in a much different way.
Right, getting on to the particulars, I thought your poem flowed really well and your rhyme scheme was good. I have a hard enough time getting two lines in one stanza to rhyme so I am impressed with any one who can pull off four so nicely. Good work on that. I liked how you brought Fudge’s disagreement with Dumbledore into the poem. Reading your work here, I felt like that was a key detail I left out of mine. This whole time you have Dumbledore is telling Fudge that Voldemort is back and that he needs to do something and Fudge simply refuses to accept that for fear that it might upset his comfortable situation. I think that goes straight to the idea of apathy. You know there is a problem, but do nothing about it. So, that part especially was outstanding to me.
About the only thing that I saw as a problem in this poem were several grammatical errors. I don’t think they have any serious impact on the over effectiveness of the poem. However, they do distract the reader somewhat. Just something to think about, do you use beta readers for your poems?
Good work on this poem and good luck in the contest!
Author's Response: First of all, thank you for the review! I really appreciated what you had to say. As far as the Dumbledore thing goes, the first draft I wrote of this poem didn't have those lines, but just the DoM aftermath scenery. Then I went back and thought that it'd be best to have at the very least an explanation as to why it happened, and then why he did nothing to stop it.
As per the gramatical errors, this is my first time posting any kind of story, so I didn't have anyone beta read it. I could probably have one of my fellow serpents beta for me before I put my story up. That would have a profound effect on it, and other contest submissions.
Thanks again, and good luck to you also!
I don't normally read poetry, so you'll have to bear with me while I muddle along with this review.
I really liked it. You've encompassed Fudge perfectly. It felt like a story, but not too much so. I don't enjoy poems that seem like just regular prose broken up, so yours was good. *shrug* I also appreciated that the rhyming ddin't stick out; it seemed to flow well. However, I was a little confused by the "green flames." What exactly were they? The Dark Mark?
After "simple as that," I think a comma would be better than the semicolon. Also, I think not capitalizing the names disrtupts the flow opf the poem. I had to stop and take note of it; it was distracting.
"even as cedrics body lay cold and blue,
those fearful eyes leaving obvious clue."
That was a couple of brilliant lines. It's exactly what Cedric should have been to Fudge; a clue. I thought I noticed a couple of apostrophes missing, too.
A wonderful ending for a wonderful poem. *claps* Oh yes, and I thought the title is too much of a reminder of DD and not Fudge, but that just might be only me.
Author's Response: First of all, thank you for the review. To answer your question about the green flames, those were the fireplaces with all the ministry officials arriving via floo powder. And yes, the gramatical errors. *nods knowingly* I'm a horrible self-beta. Thanks again -Nox