Khrys, I really enjoyed reading this one-shot. What I really liked was how you showed the relationship between Neville and Luna; even though I didn’t read TBWL, I still thought it was very sweet on its own. :)
I think this was very well written, and I especially liked your characterizations. You got McGonagall spot on, and it was great how she could bring out the best in Neville. What was good was that you managed to get Neville from being so insecure (“It’s just…Me…Why me?” His voice had risen an octave and begun to take on a whiny quality. “I can’t do anything right. I’ve even melted a cauldron in Professor Snape’s class.” ) to being someone who could be proud and confident of who he was (“I almost have a job. I almost have a date. Sort of,” he mused. “I have a real chance to prove myself.”).
Your portrayal of Luna was a little different from what I would have expected – you know, dreamy, strange, with her head in the clouds and the occasional off-tangent comment. However, she seemed so warm and positive to Neville, and I thought that was great. It really made me smile to see the two of them spending time together and getting along so well.
In regard to errors, there weren’t any issues, which was lovely. I wasn’t used to seeing the quotations around both the thoughts and the regular dialogue, though. It just seemed a little awkward to me, especially when they were side by side. I would generally go with italics only for the thoughts, but that’s your choice.
Overall, I have to say you have done a fantastic job with this piece, and I’m extremely glad that I read it. :)
Author's Response: WOW!!! This was fabulous! I was so surprised to see this, flabbergasted actually.
Thank you for such a lovely review.
I have since learned the rule about the quotes. I keep meaning to go back and change all of my one-shots that were accepted before I learned the rule and change them, but I got caught up in the sequel and a challenge issued by an insistent Gryff.
Back on topic. I have always pictured both Luna and Neville as two strong people who have been kept down by their situations. I contunie to hope that JK will utilize them in the last book to their full potential.
Thank you again, Emily.
Aw, this one shot is so sweet! Even though Neville and Luna are key in The Boy Who Lived, this is a much closer look on their relationship, and how sweet they each are! They truly are perfect for each other. Great story.
Author's Response: Thank you!! I sure do hope that they get together. Not just for the sake of pairing people up, but because they have so much in common.
2nd time I'm posting this ( they need to fix this timing out so fast)!!! Another great story!!! I like how you have link the stories to better show each of thier views and thoughts. I like it and I can't wait for more. Again, thanks for the tip.
Author's Response: Thanks!! I am so excited that you liked it. I am hoping to get Conjure that Horse, Please and Paranioa into the queue this weekend. Hopefully you will like those too!