This is a very nice piece. Funny, witty, and smart. Your characterization of McGonagall is superb. She has gotten quite a temper and attitude with Umbridge but that’s the only time we’ve seen her act like this and it seems that you have played off that and the outcome is very good.
I love that you included that she was a trouble maker in school, which looking back now, isn’t very hard to believe. It makes sense as she is able to spot trouble from a mile away.
Minerva’s story is a very interesting one and I love this aspect of her life that you have fabricated. It all seems as something that may have happened and I wonder if this is why Rowling has never introduced us to her husband, or any of the professor’s spouses for that matter.
Overall, very nicely written. I spotted neither grammatical errors nor missing or overused punctuations. It would be rather interesting if you write a follow up to this one-shot. Maybe this time, detailing her first time falling in love or something of the sort. With your kind of writing style, I imagine it to be a very interesting and excellent sequel.
Two thumbs up!
Ooh, great story! I love reading about young McGonagall, and I think you did her justice. I can clearly see her acting that way as a young adult, and her actions, thoughts, and speech were all in character.
Your description/imagery was also very good! I loved how you wrote about Mr. Dessly’s ‘imaginary royalty’ melting off his suit. I have such a funny little mental picture of that happening. ;)
Besides those things, I really loved the opening and closing lines.
He was new and unfamiliar, and by the way he walked across the room to her, she did not like him.
I love this line. I can see the young McGonagall watching him enter, and already forming her opinion on him. I think it was a good way to start your story- it caught my attention!
Small things were not meant to linger over, like falling rain and silly men.
I liked the ending line even more than the first, though. It was a nice wrap-up to the story, and it’s a true statement. :D
Great story, and thanks so much for the banner!
Oooh. Minnie is so smart.
I've just realised how horribly rude I've been! You made me a wonderful Luna songfic banner a few weeks ago, and I completely forgot to come and review your fics!
I really liked reading this side of Minerva. She's one of those timeless characters that I fine so hard to imagine young. Do you know what I mean? But this fic... It's made me able to picture a younger Minerva. I can certainly envision her as a feminist, too!
Your control over language is beauteous. :) Let's see. I love the way you use imagery, and portray young!Minerva.
I have one nitpick. Your spacing is doubled - probably because you went to edit and resubmit your story at some point.
This makes reading the story very difficult, and I would not have done it had I not wanted to thank you for my May Day! Banner.
I suggest you again edit, and remove all the
tags from your piece, in order to make it more attractive to readers.
Wonderful work! As talented an author as you are a bannermaker. :)
This is a very interesting story. I like how you captured Mineva's personality. Very original and clever! Kudos!
This was very well written. Excellent job. I quite enjoyed how you made McGonagall a troublemaker in school when she doesn't seem the type when she's older. I always knew there was a micheivious girl in her somwhere! ;) Anyway, I think you captured her character welll. Strong and confident. Well done!
I would like to start off by saying, great job! I loved this one-shot, how it captured the moment perfectly with witty lines such as, "Her father was another such fool to tradition, the pressure nearly suffocating him in his suit and tie." and the last line, "Small things were not meant to linger over, like falling rain and silly men." This young McGonagall is a fiery charcter, and I like how you portrayed her.
I enjoyed your fic a lot - I can really imagine Minerva McGonagall being like that when she was young. She must have been quite a fearsome young lady, like she is against Umbridge!
Arranged marriages and arranging marriages can be a bit of a nuisance - well, perhaps more than a bit, but Minerva knows how to sort them out well ;-)
Great job, and love your banners!
I had a nice little chuckle over this. Somehow it seems right that a young Minerva McGonagall had to be a troublemaker for the older one to be so good at spotting trouble, doesn't it? Sometime I'd love to eavesdrop on her interactions with Slughorn, just to see if they can get along for more than five minutes at a time.
A couple of the mandatory nitpicks: you have a "Minevra" in there once, which startled me a little. Also the very first phrase -- it makes more sense if he is "new and unfamiliar" or perhaps "[other adjective] and unfamiliar" (odd, scrawny, broad-shouldered, running to fat, duckfaced, whatever you like, but we could get more of a picture here). I'd like a better look at the prat, myself. The goatee is a nice touch, though.
Enough with the nits, though. You have given me a very nice little read here. Well done!
This is very good. It is very deep as well. I liked it a lot, I have always wanted to know Minerva's backstory. Would she really not love her father for doing this to her? She may be angry and dislike him, but it sounds like he raised her, and loves her. Great writing!
Very deep? *blushes* Thank you! I'd hoped it would be deep, but I doubted it would be.
Minerva does not love her father's changed personality, but loevd who he was before the day he considered arranging her a marriage. She forgives him at the end of the chapter.
Thank you for your review! I wish I could return the favor, but you don't have any stories currently posted. Please consider writing one.