this may seem belated, but, update?
Author's Response: I actually have the whole second chapter written, but I am having trouble getting it accepted into the site. Maybe with a new beta reader you will be able to view it?
hmm. this is different. Ive never read a story about fleur. Im and marauder era kind of Gal. I like it though, it was a nice change reading the Beauxbatons instead of a Hogwarts one. good job :] keep it coming.
Author's Response: Thank you! The second chapter is in the queue and I hope you take the time to read it.
Fleur's a Beauxbaton! This is interesting, haven't read many stories about Fleur when she was younger. =) I hope you continue! And I like that name. Laurent.
Author's Response: thanks! I like it too, all the French names are fascinating.
Great start! I loved the Beauxbatons letter. I think that that was really creative and was probably hard to write. Can't wait for an update!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm working on it!
Well, this is certainly not the Fleur we've come to know! I always wondered how she had turned out so...snobbish. I felt so bad for Fleur, even though she had done the same, I can't stand when little siblings take the attention from your day. The only thing, if I'm pretty sure that Gabrielle is quite a bit younger than her sister Fleur. In GoF, it was said that she looked about nine.
Author's Response: I am so glad that you enjoyed this chapter and I cannot thank you enough for entering it in the Fiction Junction. I am grinning ear to ear right now. I will go have a look at the Fleur and Gabrielle age difference and see what I can do.
Ok, I apologize for my spelling in the last post. I love that the letters are delivered by special birds, and not owls. I would like to know what the blue in the bird meant. It seems to have special meaning. It will be interesting to see how she ends up with her Grandma's hair in her wand. It is nice reading a Fleur that isn't pompous and such. It think it shows a little of what leads up to her telling Molly off when Bill gets injured.
Author's Response: Wow, a double review, I'm impressed. You will have to wait and see about the blue in the birds. It is more symbolism than anything else. I have already written chapter two so that will explain about the grandmother's hair in the wands. I always imagined Fleur having this whole backstory past the pompous little princess routine, and here it is! I'm glad you liked it.
This is a very interesting idea. My only criticism, is that Beubatons is a girls only school. I like that character of her brothers. I look forward to reading more!! :)
Author's Response: Thank you for reading this story as well. Actually if you read the books carefully enough, Beauxbatons is a co-ed school. Parvarti Patil who goes to the Yule ball with Harry meets up with Beauxbaton boys over the summer. This is a common misconception because of false information in the movies.
Well, what with the streaming currents of a small amount of alcohol brewzing through my viens, and the quiet background drop of music, I couldn't miss a chance to read your story - and I'm not drunk either, so I hope you like this review.
Well, I actually liked your story. I liked it a lot. At first I was like 'Fleur' *pouts*, I don't really read stuff with her in, but young Fleur. Impressive.
What I liked most was your description about the bird at the top. I got a clear image of what the bird looked like. It also reminded me of something from a book like - my mind has gone blank - 'Fantastic beasts and where to find them'. Like it was so specific yet so flow. You know, it flows with your story. Like all fancy like, like it just goes... like a straight line - and I don't mean droning - it like glides.
I liked the bit about Fleur being upset when her brother went to school, because I can imagine a 9/10 year old doing that. It's rather amusing, ecspecially when her sister does the same to her and she's sort of like 'That's so unfair'.
I also liked reading the letter and the little bit about the magic carpets! :D
What could you improve on? Hmm, I'm not sure... Perhaps with quotes like this, " Her heart banged inside her ribs. A lump started to rise in her throat." you could make them more original. I mean even I do this, but it seems that everyone's heart bangs against their ribs/chest. Perhaps instead of just saying it outright, you could change the way you say it.
For example if someone says, 'Her heart banged hard against her chest like an african drum', it could be like, 'Her heart pumped hard against her nattering chest, like pelting rain drops on a thunderstormed day, with clouds brewing in the together lost sky, and striking lightening' - you know what I mean? Crap example, I know, but by that I meant raindrops are the heart beats, clouds is what she's thinking - perhaps detail could be added in that like 'Clouds of anger and confusion brewed in the nights sky' or something like that. The lightening like when your heart skips a beat. But that's only an example.
I like this story, and I'd like to congratulate you. It's interesting and entertaining - even for someone who has consumed alcohol on this late Friday night. Well done, keep writing.
Author's Response: haha-very interesting review. It was really kind and I feel like you really analyzed it and payed attention to my story. I know what you're talking about in my writing. An old teacher of mine always used to yell at me because they were 'trite' or 'cliche'. That is definetly something I am going to start to work on. Thank you!
Oh, I like it! It's very original, and something I haven't seen before. It's so interesting to see Fleur as a younger child, and not as the somewhat arrogant Triwizard Champion we meet in GoF. I love how this begins, with the whole idea of the wagtails. The fact that they 'only send letters with the best' is just such a good contrast to Hogwarts. You showed the contrast with the Beauxbatons letter as well, and I really liked that. It goes along with what Fleur said in GoF about how Beauxbatons is different from Hogwarts.
I think that, even though this is a different Fleur than we are perhaps used to, she is still believable. You managed to retain her pompousness, especially with this line: Really, she thought, like they even needed to mention that. How tacky. I really liked that line. :) You know, I never considered Fleur having siblings other than Gabrielle. I always figured she was the oldest, but I like that she has older brothers. It kind of shows why she is so confident in herself, I think. She's had to live up to them, and has probably worked really hard at it.
I thought it was really interesting that Fleur kept thinking she was a Squib, because she's obviously a talented witch. It conveyed a less confident side of her, and since we already know an older version of her, we can take that and see how she changes. Very nice. I also thought the doting-on of Gabrielle was good. The youngest daughter, and consequently spoiled a wee bit. It's different than what we might think of Fleur's family; I for one probably would have assumed Fleur was the spoiled one.
Overall, very nice work! Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: I am thrilled you enjoyed it. *trying not to blush, but not succeeding* The next chapter will be out as soon as the Gauntlet is over. It is turning out to be a lot more work then I expected.
A very original story, and lovely, too. The letter from Beauxbatons was well thought out, and I loved it! Gaston is a nuisance, but I suppose it is a very happy thing to be going to a Magic School. Are the characters in this story talking French? I suppose they are [/meaningless question]
Anyway, loved this chapter, can't wait for more!
Author's Response: Wow. *grinning* That is such a nice review! Yes, the characters are speaking French, I just thought some of you might not understand it. :)
I really liked this. Your view of Fleur seems more cannon than other people's, and I like how you describe Fleur's relationships with her family. I also love the idea of Beauxbaton presenting itself as more of an upper class school than Hogwarts.
Author's Response: Thank you for this kind review. I am really glad you liked it.
Look, I found the little box. Haha. I thought I might go and return the favor of a good review, so here I am. I'm glad I came! Fleur is certainly a plausible character here. She is a bit overdramatic, but that is in her nature, I suppose. The chapter seems like you were trying to cram as much information about Fleur's family life in as quickly as possible, which was a little too much. On the other hand, I loved your descriptions of Beauxbatons Acadamy. The contrast of its smooth, snobby air with Hogwarts' eccentricity (which I hopefully spelled correctly) was very interesting. The sibling relationships were also well, done. Even though Fleur is ashamed of her brother, she still knows he would take care of her if she was a squib. Awww. On a final note, I think that the word "palace" was a bit grand for the Delacour home. I'm sure its big and grand and white and pretty (I actually made a model on Sims 2 once, it was really big and marble-y) but I don't think a palace is the correct word, especially the way it was used. Perhaps if you has said something like, "her family's mansion (chateau?), a virtual palace of white marble" or something along those lines. Oh, dear. I am carrying on, aren't I? Anyways, overall, I enjoyed myself. Most people see Fleur as a shallow character, and this story should definitely add some depth!
Author's Response: Thanks! Sorry about cramming all the info, it is my first fic, and I'm "Not Always Perfect!" haha That is actually a really great point about the palace. I like chateau, it's classy but a bit smaller. I think I will change it right now.
An interesting look at Fleur, not at all the usual "Fleur is a stuck-up-#@%" we so often see. This is, I think, much closer to how Canon Fleur might have felt. I got a particular enjoyment out of Lurent nudging Maurice, who nudges Gaston...
Author's Response: Thanks so much. Every time I get a review I get so excited! I'm glad you liked it. Yes, I actually liked Fleur during the canon, so I wanted to show her in a better light. Just a warning she is a little nasty at times, when she gets upset.
Ooh, it's up! Sorry it took me so long to find it! Anyway, I love some of the ideas you've had since the last time I read it (giving Maurice a bigger role, for one).
And I agree with Lily_James_luvinSirius: It's very original!
Author's Response: I'm so glad you found it. I'm thrilled you like it. Thanks for the review!
wow its so origanal! i luv it!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I am so happy someone found my story and reviewed it. The second chapter will be out as soon as I send it to my beta.