MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: dancingwithneville (Signed) · Date: 01/21/08 13:41 · For: Chapter 1
I really enjoyed this fic. It seemed to flow very easily. One of my favorite lines was:

The moment Quentin’s fingers picked the ring from its box, he felt a chill race directly up his spine. It was bone-tingling and unnerving as a feeling of dread and disquiet settled like a dense cloud in his mind.

You wrote that so well and your description of Quentin’s feeling was very well done. The end has quite a twist to it.


Author's Response: Thanks very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it! x

Name: Binka Fudge (Signed) · Date: 11/26/07 16:09 · For: Chapter 1
That's chilling. They could make it into a film! Such powerful writing, congratulations, but now I have to go and read simething fluffy, the voice really got to me. Hope you keep writing.

Author's Response: Thanks very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it! x

Name: TheBlackSister (Signed) · Date: 11/04/07 11:26 · For: Chapter 1
Absolutely beautiful story that sent many shivers down my spine. Your descriptions and setting of the scene are truly chilliing - fantastic! The monotonous "click" at the beginning was masterful. It is a true thriller screenplay.

Author's Response: Thanks very much! I'm glad you enjoyed it! x

Name: butter_beer_drinker (Signed) · Date: 10/03/07 10:30 · For: Chapter 1
The way you set the scene for your story is wonderful. I click of the cane (although this is only a movie thing) was a nice touch. Your descriptions made it easy to picture a long shadow cast by the moon, making its way down the street. I was left wondering though, is the drunken redhead man a Weasley? Following your character into the store was creepy and gave me chills, which I’m sure was your intent. I can almost smell the stench of rotting things and dark spells. The portrayal of Borgin is well written too, very in character with JK’s own descriptions of him and how he reacts to Malfoy. One little minor thing, while still maintain a hold on their shopping., this should be maintaining. Other than that this is another good introduction to what goes on in Diagon Alley, you are really good at setting the scene. You have stepped over to the dark side in striking detail. The description of the innocent looking ring and it’s affect on Quentin when he picks it up, it gives a prelude to what is about to happen. Dark magic is something that many of us wonder about and I think you have done a good job here. The way the ring starts to affect her, bringing her down and causing her to doubt herself is a brilliant concept for a cursed object. It doesn’t just come right out and kill her or show any signs that something is happening to her. The mental affect this cursed ring is really good, self-doubt really is a dark thing that lives in each of us and magnifying it to drive the character to suicide was well thought out. It is indeed a very sinister form of “punishment” that Lucius is about to set upon Narcissa.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for this lovely review! I'm so glad you enjoyed the fic so much. It's probably one of my favourite pieces of writing, so I'm very glad you liked it! Thanks very much xx

Name: darkprophetess (Signed) · Date: 05/15/07 14:55 · For: Chapter 1
this was so sad...i think you captured the essence of waht would driive someone into suicide...the ring was awonderful invention, and the end was perfect. probably one of my favopurite fanics. i like!

Author's Response: Thanks very much - I'm really glad you liked it!

Name: Chaser921 (Signed) · Date: 05/05/07 19:08 · For: Chapter 1
Ooooh, wonderfully chilling! I really like that you started out with Borgin and Lucius and then flashback to Quentin and May. It was a little confusing at first, but it made the ending even more sinister. Your writing is very good too. I especially liked the way you did the interior dialogue that May had with herself and the ring and made it seem like it was her own thoughts. Fantastic!

Author's Response: Thanks very much! I'm really glad you liked it. I've had quite a few people mention that the flashback is confusing, but I can't really see any other way to do it other than write 'flashback' in big letters... which would kind of ruin the effect lol! Thanks very much for the review!

Name: Hedwig with a quill (Signed) · Date: 03/12/07 18:03 · For: Chapter 1
Uh. oh.

Author's Response: Thanks xx

Name: tickled_pink (Signed) · Date: 11/26/06 4:48 · For: Chapter 1
This was beautifully written!!! A completely flawless, heart-wrenching tale!
~Tickled Pink~

Author's Response: Thanks very much! You've just brought a massive smile to my face! =)

Name: just_the_contrary (Signed) · Date: 10/14/06 9:58 · For: Chapter 1
Oh my. You make up quite amazing characters. This is only the second fic of yours that I've read, but both this and 'Insidious Liasons' have this Twilight Zone- ish feel to them. It's very spooky, and you just go, 'wow, I didn't expect that'. Although I had a pretty good feeling the man at the beginning was Lucius, Quentin really surprised me because at the beginning I thought he was a good guy. Just shows how wrong I am. You are really spectacular at characterization.
I love how your word choice and little bits here and there really give the reader chills.

Amazing story.

/extremely choppy review

Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much! What a lovely review! I'm really really glad you enjoyed the fic. Characterisation is the most important part of a fic for me, so I'm really glad you thought mine was well done. Thanks a lot hun!

Name: capella_black (Signed) · Date: 10/05/06 15:50 · For: Chapter 1
Very interesting and well-crafted. I like how you cut to the story-within-the-story to show how the ring worked. Actually, I want to know more about how the ring works; who's voice is it? Or how does it decide what to say? I mean, does every woman who wears it feel like a burden on her husband and kill herself? Or does it just control the woman according to whatever the man wants?

Anyway, really enjoyed it, great job!


Author's Response: I thought of the ring as tapping into a woman's insecurities and fears. By accentuating these and agreeing with the things she most fears about herself it can twist a woman's view on events and reality - making them think they're her fault and that she is completely worthless. If suicide is her only way out it's an easy, albeit evil, way for the husband to dispose of his wife cleanly and still look like the injured party who has just lost his spouse. Hope that helps! I'm really glad you enjoyed the fic and thanks for your review!

Name: GreyLady (Signed) · Date: 09/17/06 18:13 · For: Chapter 1
An absolutely stunning dark fiction! Truly, I love it. It deserved to win the challenge. :) The idea is, of course, brilliant; why are rings always an evil object, though? lol. The seductive power of the ring was very chilling and well written...and the ending! So creepy, but so wonderful. That really makes the piece for me. I have just one relatively minor problem that I'd just like to mention.

"She was sweet, gently, honest, unassuming and frankly, in Quentin’s opinion, thoroughly boring." Gently would work better as gentle.

Anyway, now that I've cleared that up...Good job, and thanks for such a wonderful one-shot to read!

Author's Response: Thank you very much! What a lovely review! Actually it wasn't until after I'd submitted it that it suddenly clicked about the ring being remarkably similar to LotR, lol. I was like 'how could I be so stupid!' after that! Thanks a lot for that typo as well - I'd completely missed that!

Name: A_Pink_lady (Signed) · Date: 09/10/06 11:23 · For: Chapter 1
spooky.... really well written and chilling!

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm really glad you liked it!

Name: A_Pink_lady (Signed) · Date: 09/10/06 11:20 · For: Chapter 1
spooky.... really well written and chilling!

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm really glad you liked it!

Name: sinbad (Signed) · Date: 08/28/06 2:22 · For: Chapter 1
another great story. However I am dissapointed that reprocussions is gone. I really liked that story and hope to see it back soon.

Author's Response: It will be back as soon as I've done all the re-writes I need to. I was sad to take it down, but I knew that, the way it was going, I was never going to finish it. This way, if I reorganise the plot and rewrite some chapters, I hope I will actually be able to finish the story. Thanks for the review, and I'm really glad you liked this fic.

Name: atkarid (Signed) · Date: 07/28/06 13:54 · For: Chapter 1
Wow! This was amazing! I love how it's psyhological, and not physical pain! Most people think physical pain would hurt more, but now you see that mental pain tortures. And the ending is very good, although it's also very sad...

Wonderful job!

Author's Response: Yes, I think that mental pain can often be far more painful and terrifying than physical pain... and it often has far worse consequences. Thanks for your review! I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

Name: Cherry and Phoenix Feather (Signed) · Date: 07/17/06 12:35 · For: Chapter 1
Ohhhhhh. Oh, that nearly made me sick to my stomach. That ring is terrible. And Lucius is disgustingly sick for buying it for his wife.

Great story. It's the first fic I've ever read that nearly made me ill.

The beginning was wonderful. The description really caught me up in the beginning--I could envision the scene and the mood perfectly.

The ring--*shudder*--is really the sort of sick thing they would sell at Borgin and Burke's. How it turns a person against themselves...it's psycho and twisted and utterly, utterly terrifying. Very in-character for Lucius, then.

Quentin is one of those urbane, polished characters who believe they can do no wrong. I hate people like that, and I really hate Quentin. (Which means you did a great job on his characterization.)

I feel very, very sorry for May. She was happy (though maybe not as happy as she thought she was), and then her husband threw her away like some old tissues.

My only little note--maybe you should mark the place where it switches from Quentin's POV to May's. Just a dash or something, it was a little confusing. Other than that, I have no problems with this story. Great job.

Author's Response: Hehe, thanks Liz, darling! I'm very glad I made you feel ill, (lol, that sounds horrid, but yeah, it's true). It really was an evil object and I wanted it to affect the readers in exactly the way you described, so thanks for giving me that confidence. I'm glad you realised it was Lucius - I've had some problems with not clarifying that it is Lucius well enough, and I'm glad you thought he was in character. Anyway, thanks for your review... and I promise to write something that won't make you quite so sick in the future!

Name: Periwinkle (Signed) · Date: 06/29/06 13:31 · For: Chapter 1
When I finished reading this, I sat still for a long time. I'm not kidding. And after sitting still for a long time, I reread this over and over and over. Rhi, this is...Wow. Really. The idea, the plot, the way it's set up is so perfect!

Your plot is firm and has many details that grasp the reader. Such an interesting fic too! Let me stop gushing here and get onto the real reviewing!:D

A tall, dark figure slipped between the murky shadows of Knockturn Alley. His form melted effortlessly between the various rusted carts selling fresh human fingernails and newly acquired shrunken heads. His cloak danced in elegant swirls behind him, as it whispered to the rutted cobble stones he passed along. One gloved hand gracefully cupped a silver snake’s head, which posed with fangs laid bare, ready to strike.

What vivid description! I could not think of a better way to start this story. It's so grim, so dark and a lovely foreshadowing of what's to come. Your word choice and your sentences heighten the already-set mood and add to the apprehension that's starting to build up. Lovely start...it's really got the reader reading on.

The onomatopoetic words that you have throughout the story are placed in just the right places to create a special atmosphere of inquisitivness - it helps the curiosity move along.

Again, I have to point out your description. It is beyond what I would have expected in any fic. You know, it's rather interesting that you this story full of vivid description, yet it doesn't make the fic less interesting and doesn't give the feeling of being bombarded with too much information. Some authors complain that too much detail makes them cringe, and many agree. In your case, you have provided sufficient description and managed to make it engrossing at the same time -- a feat not many authors make.

Your dialogue is another thing I must mention because I can't just let it go without commenting on it. It's captivating and fits the personalities of the characters. You place the dialogue in just the right places so it creates suspense and has the right amount of effectiveness on us, therefore it doesn't detract the description or other details of the fic.

I like how you keep the names of the characters secret until the next part. Reading that whole section, I thought it was Lucius, because Quentin sounds so like him. It was a shock when I finally saw that it wasn't Lucius, but another person altogether. Very nicely done there.

Your character Quentin is very sly...he's very like Lucius in many aspects. My only nitpick in this wonderful story is here. I think it would work better if you gave Quentin another trait that seperates him from slightly from Lucius. Right now, he's too Lucius-like for my taste.

The ring's and May's thoughts intertwine very eerily. This part of your story was the most profound in my opinion. It was a very sinister and horrifying section, and we learned how evil Quentin is. I felt sorry for May...that she would be seduced by the powers of the ring so heinously. That part was very sad, and was one of the most emotional paragraphs that I have read in my life. Wow, Rhi, wow.

The ring is truly horrid, and it's sad that it has been used against so many women. The list that you included was worked for your favor, because it only increased the emotion in this fic.

Now the ending -- that was very well placed. I can't express what I felt when I read it...so many emotions!

“Narcissa, darling,” the striking figure called up the sweeping staircase. “I have a present for you.”

This last sentence fortifies your fic so much! Ending your story with a jolt like this made it all the more fascinating.

You are such an amazing and talented author, Rhi! This story is one of my favorites.


Author's Response: Wow, Anna! I don't know what to say! Thank you so much for such a stunning review! Seriously, I think this review is better than my fic, lol. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I really loved writing this - it was one of those fics that just flows so easily on to the computer that I didn't even really have to think about it. Pity I can't replicate that for my other fics, lol. Thanks so much for your review, my love - you really made me day!

Author's Response: Okay, I just re-read your review again and spotted something which I didn't think was quite right.- The original man in the shop was Lucius, as was the man at the end. The bit in the middle was a flashback to earlier people the ring had affected, and therefore had different characters. I don't know if you got that, hun, or if I just read your review wrong, but I thought I'd comment just in case! Thanks again, my love!

Name: StellaSirius (Signed) · Date: 06/24/06 10:05 · For: Chapter 1
That sent chills up my spine! It was perfectly eerie. I thought that it was Lucius in the first place, but.... Ooohhh. It was wonderful! The only bit of critique that I can think of, is that the list of dead women at the end was kind of, almost... backwards. Hmm. Oh well, it was wonderful. You deserved to win!

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm so glad it had the right effect and was suitably chilling! I'm really happy you enjoyed it so much

Name: wandaXmaximoff (Signed) · Date: 06/10/06 4:07 · For: Chapter 1
The story was not at all what I expected from the summery, there was so much feeling and wonderful detail to it.
Oh my goodness! The cliff-hanger at the end was amazing.
I originally thought it was Lucius who brought the ring.
I have never read a dark/angsty fic before. This was a great one to start with.
You description through out was fantastic. You set up Knockturn Alley beautifully. I could almost smell the grime of the place.
I loved the power of the ring, how it started of slowly, suggesting doubts in May's mind then lead her to the conclusion suicide was the best answer.
I also really liked how the ring had claimed countless other women over the years too.
All the self-doubt you described was brilliant, it did not seem forced, it came naturally and builds up well.
Great job, I think I might have to start reading more dark/ angsty fics from now on.
Well done! Great little one-shot.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it - especially if Dark / Angsty isn't your favourite genre!

Name: Blossomlily (Signed) · Date: 05/11/06 5:55 · For: Chapter 1

Wow, that was... really beautiful in an eerie way. So... the ring brainwashes people and makes them do things? How clever! This was an excellent story, really brilliant, superbly written. There's really not much to nit-pick other than that I enjoyed it a lot! :)

I liked the clever way you merged the past and present. - Mr Borgin for the present and Burke for the past. May was a superb character, and so was Quentin. If I remember correctly, this won first place, didn't it? Congrats for a fabulous story, Rhi!! 10/10.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Yes, it did win first place... major shock at the time! I'm so glad you liked the characters - I was worried May was a little dull and stale in places, but if she seemed well characterized to you then I'm happy! Thanks alot.

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