sadly, it only shows a fraction of the chapter for some reason, so I've yet to read the entire first chapter:(
Author's Response: Thank you for the tip!! It is ALL fixed!!!
Thisi is a great story! keep it going! You are a great writer!
Author's Response: Thanks for the compliments and the review!! They are both appreciated!!!
Author's Response: Thanks for your review.
Author's Response: Thanks for your review!!
great chapter! it's a bit weird that fayre likes regulus, he's in slytherin! it was still really good though, i liked it. please update really soon!
Author's Response: Well, you never know what will work out. Thanks for your review!!
Great chapter. I was laughing so hard.
“Right on, Mate!” Hehe. I love the whole chair scene. Quidditch- It does the body good. I might start saying that. Can't wait for the next one!!
Author's Response: Thanks for your review and I hope to have the next chapter up soon!!
Aww, poor sad remus...
Author's Response: Remus is in a bit of a situation right now...maybe it will get better? Who knows ;) Thanks for your review.
Aww, poor james. hahaha, poor PETER!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Author's Response: A little sympathy is probably needed for Peter. Thanks foryour review.
I'm liking it so far. You are very creative with your writing and I really like that. But could you please try to update sooner?!
Author's Response: I will try and update sooner. Thanks for your compliments and review.
fantastic! i liked that you put in all three different points of view. great chapter. i'm looking forward to more!
Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it, and I hope to have the next chapter finished and up soon. Thanks for your review!!
awwww, poor Remus! i feel so bad for him, but i know that James and Lily are the ones who get together... oh well. really like this, update soon.
Author's Response: I will try and update ASAP!!!!! Thanks for your review!!
"Sorry Potter". Love it! More more more
Author's Response: More will hopefully be up soon! Thanks for your review and I'm truly glad you enjoyed the chapter!
Poor James. Poor Lily. Poor Remus. These people are poor people. I mean not poor money wise but... They are so love stricken. I hope everything turns out for the best. I wonder what would have happened if James hadn't married Lily and she had married Remus. Would Harry even be alive. Oh no.
Author's Response: It's weird to think about--Lily marrying Remus, because you never know what would have happened. And yes, everyone is very lovestriken at the moment. It'll all unfold later. Thanks for your review.
WHAT?? I dont' think its fair for Remus to like Lily!! However, I'm so thrilled at the idea that James is giving up on Lily and Lily is FINALLY liking James.. Its like they're switching sides or something... I love the story though!!
Author's Response: Thanks for your review!!
This is a really good first chapter of a Lily/James fic! I really, really enjoyed reading it. There were so many things I enjoyed about it. I find it really interesting that, at one point, the generic Lily hates James, James loves Lily feelings would be reversed. However, I think there are some things in this story that could be fixed.
Cliches I really want to help you out with this story, so I looked on your author bio. While I noticed you had written many other stories, this was your first Lily/James story. Let me tell you from experience, Lily/James is probably the hardest genre to write. The reason its so difficult - there are a lot of cliches. While this is a good first chapter for a first time Lily/James author, I noticed a few cliches or things that could become cliches if you're not careful. The number one cliche in Lily/James fanfics is Lily has two best friends, who aren't really developed characters, and one of them has their eye on Sirius, and the other fancies Remus. Although I have done this in past fanfics, I usually try to avoid this. You seem to be straying down that path with Fayre and Seanna. However, because this is a first chapter, you are lucky enough to have the power to possibly change that. If you concentrate on avoiding cliches, they won't happen.
Typoes Another thing about this story I noticed was the major typo in the summary. In your summary, the "J" in James is cut off. I know it is a simple mistake, but that can lead to a lot of people not reading your story. Summary mistakes should be avoided at all costs - that's why I like to read over my summaries after a story has been accepted. Once you fix that, though, I think a lot of people will read your story and it will become very popular.
Altogether, this is a promising first chapter. If you really develop the characters of Fayre and Seanna, and look over your story for typos, I think this is going to be a really great story. I'm looking foward to read the next chapter!
Author's Response: Thanks a lot for your constructive criticism! It truly is appreciated!