Reviews For But I'm not Broken
Reviewer: Binka Fudge
Date: 03/04/08 19:07
Chapter: One shot

I loved this, Luna is one of my favourite characters because although she might seem strange, she talks alot of sense. It's also really coincidental that I should come across this fic today, I've just started OOTP again. Anyway, great idea, wonder if that insane witch was a seer or something. Great reason for Luna's mum's experiments too. And I liked the conversation with the grey lady alot, we never really see enough of her. Hope to read more of your stuff soon.

Reviewer: Mind Games
Date: 02/11/07 1:03
Chapter: One shot

Nice character study, Avenger. You portray Luna in such a different way, yet it still works well. Normally we read her as a strange, dreamy misfit who comforts the other characters and does not seem to worry much about her own problems. This is who she is to a point, but we still have to remember that she is human. She gets angry and frustrated at times. The reason she was angry was also very in character. I could totally see a young Luna getting upset for someone not believing her about what she’s seen. What a great way to explore another side of a character’s personality!

I love how we see Luna right at her birth and parts of her childhood. How the spell affected her was an interesting take on why she is considered so odd. You also show how the spell not only affected Luna, but her parents as well. Her mother only wants her to be a normal child, yet her father seems to not only accept the strange behaviour, but also encourage it. I love seeing all three of the different reactions to the mental disorder. You didn’t create some picture perfect family who just happens to have a daughter with a mental problem, like some authors do. You showed how hard it was to deal with the disorder at times, for not only Luna, but her parents as well. Thank you for addressing the mental disorder in a realistic and believable way.

The characterisation of Luna’s mother was just amazing. She is so well-written and developed. The way she reacted to Luna’s problem was great in so many ways. She loves her daughter, but she is also desperate to ‘fix’ her because she blames herself for the damage. We don’t even see her throughout the entire story, yet I could grasp her character so well and understand why she feels the need to help her daughter in any way she can. Fantastic!

The way Luna’s mother died was so sad. I was on the verge of tears. We know Luna’s mother died of spell damage, but you wrote it with such an interesting and different idea. Just that one last attempt to cure her daughter and everything goes wrong. And then poor little Luna kissing her hand and realising what had happened. So sad and touching!

I did find some small grammar mistakes, and my own nitpicks. They’re all pretty small…

The woman moved towards Mrs. Lovegood.
The witch continued towards the bed.


‘Towards’ was sort of repetitive here. You also refer to her as ‘the woman’ and then as ‘the witch’, which seems to stand out awkwardly. I think changing the sentence to, The woman moved towards Mrs. Lovegood, coming closer to the bed, would help fix both of these problems.

“Are you ok, Mrs. Lovegood?”

‘Ok’ should be ‘okay’ or at least both letters should be capitalised. This occurs several times throughout the story, so I’d suggest reading through the story to correct this.

The witch cried, “Strangeio!” and jet of some sort of purple light hit baby Luna on the head just as the door was thrown open, and six Healers entered the room.

I would add ‘a’ between ‘and’ and ‘jet’. It looks like it was just accidentally left out.

A dazed look A dazed look appeared in Luna’s eyes.

As you can see, ‘A dazed look’ was accidentally written twice.

Luna sat in the corner of the waiting room with her mother, who was working on something for work.

I’d change this to ‘Luna sat in the corner of the waiting room with her mother, who was working on something for the Ministry of Magic’ to avoid sounding repetitive.

They do know, however, that because of it, their daughter spends all her time exploring, looking for things that aren’t there, she gets disappointed when she realizes she can’t find what she’s looking for.

‘Realizes’ should be ‘realises’. This mistake was found in several places.

Who says who have to do what the crowd says?

I’m assuming you meant ‘Who says we have to do what the crowd says?’, but accidentally wrote ‘who’ instead.

“Good bye, Daddy!” said a 14-year-old Luna, kissing her dad on the cheek.

Numbers one through ninety-nine should be written out.

Tell me if you recognize any of these photos.

‘Recognize’ should be ‘recognise’.

All of a sudden, the compartment door opened and a girlwalked in with two boys.

You accidentally forgot to put a space between ‘girl’ and ‘walked’.

The formatting made the story a bit harder to read in some parts. Some of the paragraphs weren’t broken up, which made it look a little sloppy. Remember to add a line in between the paragraphs to make it easier to read. It’s only for a section in the middle of the story, the rest is fine.

All of these mistakes are very small, and I can be known to nitpick a lot (obviously). I would advise you to just read through your story once and fix it up a bit. It will make it look more professional and put together. ;-)

You write Luna in such a new light and perspective, while still keeping her in character. You write canon events, while still adding your own ideas to them. These are things only great fanfiction authors can do. I loved the voice from Luna’s mother, speaking to her from beyond the veil. It gave Luna the closure she needed, and the hope that she will be reunited with her mother one day. How Harry turned out to be the boy Luna was looking for added to the plot so well, and Luna sharing her wisdom with Harry at the end was perfect.

Great characterisation, great plot work, great author. Keep on writing, Avenger!

Mind Games – Knight of the Turnip Table

Reviewer: babekitty_92
Date: 07/12/06 1:24
Chapter: One shot

Wow, that was amazing. Luna's past seemed so real. From the curse, to the mystery woman, it all worked beautifully and fitted in great with the canon-plotline.
I loved how Luna talked/ her use for language. Sort of formal, yet not. It gave it exactly that little touch, yet it's something so small and subtle.
I like the plot how the curse has made Luna "loopy" as some say. It also showed us why Mrs. Lovegood might have been doing some expiriments, so it works very well.
It was great to see how maternal and caring Mrs.Lovegood was with Luna, I am sure every mother would be like that if their daughter/son was "looking" for something no one else could see.
Overall, well done, I loved it. 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you very much. I am very happy you enjoyed it. especially because I wrought it in less then three days.

Reviewer: babekitty_92
Date: 07/12/06 1:23
Chapter: One shot

Wow, that was amazing. Luna's past seemed so real. From the curse, to the mystery woman, it all worked beautifully and fitted in great with the canon-plotline.
I loved how Luna talked/ her use for language. Sort of formal, yet not. It gave it exactly that little touch, yet it's something so small and subtle.
I like the plot how the curse has made Luna "loopy" as some say. It also showed us why Mrs. Lovegood might have been doing some expiriments, so it works very well.
It was great to see how maternal and caring Mrs.Lovegood was with Luna, I am sure every mother would be like that if their daughter/son was "looking" for something no one else could see.
Overall, well done, I loved it. 10/10

Reviewer: Schmerg_The_Impaler
Date: 06/28/06 9:22
Chapter: One shot

Wow, this was really good! But I thought that the boy would be Neville, because his mother's insane...
Oh well, this is cooler!

Author's Response: I guess that the boy could have been Nevil, but at the end of OotP, Harry is about ready to jump out a window, and Luna shows him its ok to be mad, and I thought that was important. Cheers. Avenger

Reviewer: FutureOscarWinner
Date: 04/22/06 22:17
Chapter: One shot

Good job! you have a great writing style. It reminds me why Luna is one of my favorites!

Reviewer: FutureOscarWinner
Date: 04/22/06 22:14
Chapter: One shot

Good job! you have a great writing style. It reminds me why Luna is one of my favorites!

Reviewer: ProfPosky
Date: 04/22/06 12:11
Chapter: One shot

OOO, I love this! I like Luna more and more, the more I think about her - she seems very deep to me, just the sort of person who would look for someone for years, just so she could help him. I also think you've done a great job with her mother. "I should have been able to keep you from all harm, especially when you were a baby..." every mother feels that. Well, I do...

Author's Response: Thanks a lot. I wrought this in a hury, so I am happy somone liked it. My BETA thought that Luna was a little to emo, I am happy you liked her. Thanks for the review, avenger

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