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Reviews For Unforgiven

Name: Dory_the_Fishie (Signed) · Date: 04/30/06 14:39 · For: Unforgiven
Debbie, this is wonderful! Congratulations on being a finalist! You definitely deserved it.

The relationship between Narcissa and Draco is something I have yet to decide upon. I have a bit of trouble understanding their relationship exactly. I think here you've provided a really nice insight into it. Narcissa loves her son unconditionally and is absolutely crushed when he dies. It was really great in that really sad kind of way.

Narcissa strikes me as a person who is somewhat reserved so I think having her start a new life, rather than fighting the thousands of questions that were going to be shot at her was perfect. If you had had her being interrogated and fighting to prove herself innocent, I don't know if I would have thought it compliant with her character. Then again, depending on how it was written, I might've loved it. I'm weird like that. ;-)

Finally, you describe everything so vividly. All the descriptions are chosen to perfection. I could really see the settings and feel Narcissa's thoughts. So excellent job there.

Overall, an amazing fic. I really enjoyed it. Congrats again on being a finalist!

Author's Response: Thanks for everything, Dory_the_Fishie! [I like your user name, by the way.] :) About the Narcissa/Draco relationship, I'm a bit confused about it myself. I'm quite sure that Narcissa loves him no matter what he does to her, but it's Draco's feelings that I have yet to decide upon. Maybe he really loves her, and maybe his love towards her grows after the 6th book because he realises that he would want to go to the good side. We'll just have to wait and hope that J.K.R. will give us a bit more detail about the Malfoys in the 7th book. Also, I believe that having Narcissa start a new life was the best way to end this fic because having to fight to prove herself innocent would mean putting Lucius in Azkaban again, and I think that her love towards her family is deeper than that. Thanks for betting on my fic/reading/reviewing. *hugs*

Name: Cruciatus Love (Signed) · Date: 04/27/06 18:46 · For: Unforgiven
Well, you asked your fellow Slytherins for a review, so here you go...

Just a few little things I picked up:
The first one is, "flung open, making her a gasp" should be "flung open making her gasp." I think that's just a silly typo though.
I also think "His breath was shallow and his jaw was clenched" should be, "His breath was shallow, and his jaw was clenched."
This, "She forced herself to stand up and without looking back once, she stormed out of the hut" is a run-on sentance. Try changing the comma to a semi-colon.
For this part, "She took out her wand from an inside pocket and disapparated to her house" you can't apparate or disapparate in Hogwarts grounds.

Overall, though, I thought your storyline was great. You had a lot of good similies in there. I especially liked, "like a child whose mother had taken away her lollypop." You also had great characterization of Narcissa. I loved how her emotions changed throughout the piece. Nice job!

Author's Response: First of all, thanks for the constructive criticism -- I appreciate it a lot. :) And thanks for your comments, and for taking time to review!

Name: I Love Severus Snape (Signed) · Date: 04/27/06 18:36 · For: Unforgiven
Debbie, Debbie, Debbie. Do me a favour: self-advertise your ficcies in the Slyth Common Room more often dearie. I added this to my favourites. Narcissa=LOVE! You did so great with her emotions and the way you presented the war at the beginning is beautiful. And you made me cry when little Drakey died. Soo.. even though I have to get off now, this weekend I'm going Debbie hunting! That's where I read and review all your stories, just because I'm a fan of angst and now a Debbie fangirl. I'm going to stick to you like glue... only the Pureblood way, whatever that is. Fabulous job!

Author's Response: Your reviews make me laugh my head off! You're my first ever fangirl, dear! Or at least the first one that said so... :) I'm so glad you liked this fic! Thanks so much for reviewing! Again, I'm speechless...and that happens very rarely....

Name: Fae (Anonymous) · Date: 04/19/06 11:01 · For: Unforgiven
Oooo... it's really refreshing to have a story from a different and unexpected character's point of view. You've described the emotions adeptly, although it might seem a bit unbelievable that Narcissa would stay with Muggles as she hates them so much. Still, well done!

Author's Response: For the first time, I've tried to experiment those characters which are a bit, let's say 'complicated' which is why I chose the Malfoys, and particularly, Narcissa. Also in the end, I wanted to go for something that implies a drastic change in Narcissa's character, so maybe that would be it. Thank you so much for reading and taking time to review!

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