MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Binka Fudge (Signed) · Date: 11/26/07 14:21 · For: The Burrow
OH NO! There are no more chapters! I'm really really enjoying this story and can't wait to continue reading it so please hurry and write some more. thanks.

Name: Binka Fudge (Signed) · Date: 11/26/07 13:20 · For: Rows, Suspicion, and Secrets
I'm breaking off for a few minutes to say that I really don't like or trust Professor Blue. It's as though he's a death eater or even Voldemort in disguise and is preparing Katherine for some ritual. And she saw Harry dueling with him in a dream, maybe he's training Harry so he can learn his weaknesses or maybe she's seeing the future and Harry's discovered he's a traitor. Just thought I'd get my thoughts straight before i continued. Also, I don't like Hermione much right now, she's being horrid.

Name: honey bon (Signed) · Date: 09/10/07 9:26 · For: The Burrow
ARGH!! i need to read more of this... please please please update soon!!!

i think i'm addicted...

Name: weasley_twins_girl40 (Signed) · Date: 09/10/07 8:25 · For: The Burrow
thankyou thankyou thankyou!

Name: akaren (Signed) · Date: 08/31/07 16:14 · For: An Abrupt Lesson
i love this story!..please update soon!

Name: lunalovegood97 (Signed) · Date: 08/19/07 10:53 · For: An Abrupt Lesson
No a cliffie! I abosouluty love this story. I started reading it last night and I fell in love with it. Please Update Soon!

Name: sugar_kitty825 (Signed) · Date: 08/17/07 23:33 · For: An Abrupt Lesson
omigosh, this is awesome, please update shortly!!!

Name: skypok (Signed) · Date: 08/17/07 19:32 · For: An Abrupt Lesson
very intersting plot line so far, i hope to see more. i am liking it

Name: honey bon (Signed) · Date: 08/17/07 12:16 · For: Never the Same
wow.. thats a really really great story! you've really got me hooked! I like your idea, though I get sad at the thought of everything shes been through...please write some more really fast? but then again, take your time and make it good :-) I'm looking forward to reading more!!!

Name: honey bon (Signed) · Date: 08/17/07 12:11 · For: An Abrupt Lesson
I don't realy know what to say... you've got me hooled, really its just... fantastic. Its a great idea, and yor're a very good writer. Please write some more soon! I can't wait to find out what happens! (and make it a long story, please. don't just cut it off suddenly, I really like it, and I want to know EVERYTHING ;-) )

Name: LadyBrockdorf1 (Signed) · Date: 08/17/07 11:42 · For: An Abrupt Lesson
I'm so excited that the chapter got approved, I've been waiting for it. Alright, now that that's said, I really liked this chapter. I liked how it showed that the trio still doesn't trust Katherine, but they will talk/work with/to her if they have to. I also liked how her and Anthony finally got together. I can't wait for the next chapter! (and the next chapter and the next chapter etc.)

Name: LadyBrockdorf1 (Signed) · Date: 08/15/07 7:05 · For: Keeping Quiet
I love this story! It is on my faves because I could not stop reading it. I can't wait for the next chapter!

Name: eva_writes (Signed) · Date: 07/19/07 9:56 · For: What’s Left of What Was

Name: eva_writes (Signed) · Date: 07/19/07 9:41 · For: School Starts
Why isn't Harry capt. again?

Name: eva_writes (Signed) · Date: 07/19/07 9:24 · For: A New Start
okay!!!!! I understand everything now!!!!!!!

Name: eva_writes (Signed) · Date: 07/19/07 9:14 · For: Never the Same
uhhhh....... I'm confused.

Name: Mind Games (Signed) · Date: 04/10/07 21:29 · For: Never the Same
This was a good opening chapter! I like how you started off by throwing us into a scene with action. It grabs attention and interest, and it really seemed to work well here. I found myself questioning the story and wondering what was going on, and the mystery of it was intriguing. This was a good way to start off this type of a story. I think you attract more readers by writing a scene full of action. You had me wondering what was going to happen, if something was seriously wrong, and what Katherine was like as an OC. Good start!

The bits of Katherine’s dialogue at the beginning sparked personality traits right away. From what she said, I gathered that she was slightly impatient, had a temper, and longed for the comfort of familiar surroundings. She showed this mostly in her conversation with Remus. You had me questioning her personality a bit. I like how she isn’t a blank page or a Mary-Sue. We can catch a glimpse of what she’s like even though we haven’t really seen her full personality yet. She already showed promise as an interesting and well developed OC. From what I’ve seen so far, your characterization of Katherine is really good.

I thought you tackled the plot pretty well. Some parts of the plot in the type of story tend to get really challenging, and the answers you showed us through Dumbledore’s Pensieve worked pretty well and were believable for the most part. I noticed that some of the plot is a little cliché, so you need to be very careful there. I’ve seen a lot of stories where Harry has a sister or Voldemort has a daughter. While those parts of the plot are overdone, I believe you can still make them interesting if you’re careful. You seem to have your own ideas for this story and so far I really think Katherine is a good character, so I don’t mind a few clichés. It must have been hard to write this plot, so I applaud you for doing it so well.

I have some constructive criticism and nitpicks…

I was a little skeptical when Dumbledore mentioned how he knew about Katherine, but kept it from Lily and James. I really doubt he would do this. He would have wanted them to know she was alive and that he was doing all he could to find her. He would have probably let them know, at least before they died. I think you could have come up with a better solution to this plot obstacle. For example, you could have had Dumbledore tell Lily and James, but make them promise not to tell anyone because if Voldemort found out that someone knew, that person would be in danger. Then when Lily and James died, no one knew about Katherine but Dumbledore. That would be just one example of something you could do. I don’t think what you have right now is entirely believable. You showed some great plot skills with other pieces of the plot, so I definitely believe you could come up with something for this.

Dumbledore seemed to ramble in some of his sentences, which is unlike him. You had a few run-on sentences in his dialogue, so I would suggest reading through it again and editing it a bit. I couldn’t quite grasp his wise personality or understanding. He seemed like any other wizard telling Katherine about her parents, and not Dumbledore. He was not quite believable for me, but I think you could improve his characterization by just changing his dialogue around a little. I know Dumbledore can be a tough character to write, so I would advise reading some scenes with him in the books to remind you of his personality.

“What is it Virginia?”

A comma should be placed between ‘it’ and ‘Virginia’. I noticed this mistake more than once throughout the story.

I noticed two errors in your summary. Firstly, you forgot to capitalize ‘Muggle’. Also, you should really write ‘17’ as ‘seventeen’. They’re both minor, but correcting them would help the summary as well as the story look better.

This was a good start, especially for it being your first story published here. I’m already curious to know what is going to happen to Katherine, and I think her character shows quite a bit of promise. I think you’re good enough at plot to overcome the clichés you’re facing by writing this story. It’s going to be challenging to write, but I really believe this story will turn out differently from most of the cliché ones. I wish you luck with it, and I’m impressed that you seem to be trying to make it original and not fall into more clichés. I think you’ve brought some nice ideas to a plot that is hard to write well. Nice work!

Katty – Knight of the Turnip Table

Name: kumydabookworm (Signed) · Date: 07/11/06 9:26 · For: Never the Same
You missed a few commas here and there, but beyond that your mechanics were well-done.

This is a very cliched idea - Voldemort's daughter plotline - but so far, it seems plausible.

I have great trouble with stories like this though, where James and Lily have second children and Harry has a sibling.

So I'll admit I'm not the best person to review this.

Anyway, your plot line is intriguing, and you do a good job of creating suspense and (possibly?) foreshadowing.

You're a bit melodramatic at times, and that could take away from your story.

Nice job.

Name: lillie (Signed) · Date: 07/10/06 21:35 · For: What’s Left of What Was
an extremely good twist! i like how it differs from the other stories. keep writing!

Name: summer time girl (Signed) · Date: 07/10/06 19:43 · For: What’s Left of What Was
Poor Katherine. Why was Draco crying?

Author's Response: Ah ha, I've been wanting to do this although it is very hard to do. I'm sorry but I can not say. Everyone will find out though, but not for a while.

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