awwh it's so cute.. I like it. It's always nice to read a love story invovling Draco.. with a happy ending:D
The last three paragraphs were cute. I can't wait to read more, your writing is addictive! =O)
Outside, Alanna had dropped on a bench and was taking vicious bites out of the apple.
That line is perfect! I can just imagine a blonde in a pale blue dress, taking vicious bites out of an apple. I loved it. This chapter has improved greatly, I enjoyed it quite a lot. When Alanna stormed off after her mother grounded her, I just shook my head at this typical teenageness, hehe. I also loved this excerpt:
Alanna hurled the apple over the garden wall.
“Ow!” yelled someone behind the wall. Alanna desperately wanted to smirk and walk inside, but she couldn’t. She wasn’t like that — she just acted bad, she was really a good person. So she ran to the wall and looked over.
“I’m sorry!” she called as a boy with flaming red hair and a girl with bushy brown hair stared at the apple rolling before them. “I didn’t mean to hit you!”
The boy looked up, and his mouth dropped. The girl pushed it closed with her hand and glared at him. Then she looked at Alanna and grinned.
I'm sorry, I have a tendency to post my favourite lines. :) I love your way of writing chapters that or not too short or not too long, it's perfect. And if you're still thinking about the chapter title, it could be titled, Another Escapade. Just my opinion. *smiles*
I quite like this story, but there are a few things that are bothering me: For example, in Chapter 2 you wrote that Alanna had green eyes, and now she has blue eyes. Or that Draco is really out of character, he isn't sweet in canon. He may try to be nice around attractive girls like Alanna, but I think he would slip out a witty remark, or smirk a lot more and be sarcastic. Things like that. Otherwise, this story is really good and I'm looking forward to reading more.
Well, it's certainly an interesting perspective. I had to really think to remember who Rosmerta was, as I kept getting her confused with Madame Pomfrey.
I think you might work on subdueing Alanna a little. She just came back from being gone for two years. I don't imagine she'd be so perky or petty. I'd think she'd be hesitant, striving to get back in her mother's good graces. Otherise, the story flowed pretty good. I didn't see any grammar mistakes or anything of that kind. It'll be interesting to see what she does when Hogwarts students stop by. Good job!
Author's Response: Yeah, it's a good idea...only, it's a little too late! This is already done, and I would edit, but that would change the whole story, and I don't want to deal with reposting it! But I'll keep that in mind if I ever have another character like that again! Thanks! (I know, it's late, but Happy Birthday again! I know that I always love people wishing me a Happy Birthday even if it is late!)
Omg! I loved it! I can't believe it's over! It was really nice that everything ended happily ever after!!! Yay!! :) Please make a new fic! 10-TC
Author's Response: Thanks! Don't worry - I'm working on a new fic right now. If you want to check out a quick sketch of the plot, here's the linkie: http://fanfiction.mugglenet.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1094 Tell me what you think!
I love this story. It shows a different side of Draco that I absolutely love! Does it have to be over? great job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG new chpater!!!!!!!!!!! OMG its over?????????????? well, i loved it, glad lucius got turned in____great job =D!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author's Response: Hey, thanks! I know, it's over *tear tear* But I am working on another one, so keep your eye out for that!
Hey I think this story is fun. I like how you have started to slow down a bit and add more detail. The only thing that confuses me is her mom. She wasn't even happy to see her daughter after two years? And she is so negative all the time, or maybe I just interpreted it incorrectly. I like the plot a lot and your diolouge is great. Can't wait to read what happens next. Peace.
Author's Response: Her mom is just negative a lot because now she's even more overprotective of her daughter than she was before. She's also worried about her sometimes, since she's so headstrong. If you read on to the ninth chapter, you'll find out why Alanna ran away! Not sure if you're there yet.
Oh, so that's why so was given the boot! Hehe, Draco going to have to tell Potter! That will be so funny!
Author's Response: Well I'll try, but I don't know. I have exams coming up and I have to study for a while. But I'll try if I have a bit of spare time! Thank you for the review.
oo, yay!! new chapter!! sad tho =( i hate sanpe!! i saw she wasnt lyiing, but he didnt say anything!!!grrrrrrr i had been think it was something else, tho, ...cause her mom was so keen 2 keep her away from the boys...
Author's Response: Yah, I thought about something to do with a guy, but then I changed my mind. I decided to just let her mother be overprotective, and stuff. Thanks for the review and please keep reading and reviewing!!
Awww! It's so horrible how she got expelled! She didn't do anything wrong! I feel really bad for Alanna! This was a very good chapter (rating=10). Update soon!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I wasn't sure if people would like it, it being so dark and all. But hopefully no other chapters will be like that - except the last one. Not as bad though. *hint hint, nudge nudge!* Thanks again and please keep reading and reviewing.
oo very nice story! please update soon! I think you did a great job with mixing old & new characters. keep it up =D btw: what does "tgntc" or w/e mean?
Author's Response: Thanks, and I'll update as soon as I can. tgtnc means "to get to next chapter". To answer your question. Happy Holidays!
hihihi love it!!!!! keep it up!
He he he he I'm reviewing my own story. I give it a 10! J/K. Thanks everyone for the reviews!!
So Harry does like her. :) Great story! Update ASAP! I have 2 know if Alanna's a pureblood! -TC
Author's Response: Thanks, and I will as soon as I can. Just one question - which chapter are u reviewing here? Because I can't find the review anywhere, and it seems like the eighth one, which I just sent in and which they haven't done anything about yet. So if u could send me a message or something, that'd be great.
I want to know why Alanna was kicked out of Hogwarts! Please update soon!