This was such an emotional one-shot and a very touching portrayal of the strong love between Harry and Ginny. I do not usually find song lyrics in stories to be effective, but they were so appropriate here and worked in so smoothly that I really felt they added to the story, particularly the first three lines which have been inserted.
I thought the use of nature to reflect Ginny’s feelings in this chapter were excellent. This line, A soft curtain of rain whispered over her face while the moonlight was shinning high above, reflecting on the small drops of sadness. was particularly good as it presented a powerful image of Ginny’s sadness as being like raindrops, falling on her until eventually they drown her.
The hints of religious imagery, such as the image of Ginny on her knees in prayer and the idea that Harry had purified her heart as well as image of a star as a celestial body, were very strong and I found they adding to the story in a moving way without feeling forced or overdone.
One of the strongest paragraphs of the chapter was, in my opinion, this one: But what was right? Was it to leave a father without son, a mother without daughter? Was it to make the children grow without parents, without brothers? Every time someone defended what was right that person risked everything and sacrificed the love of the family for the life of light. Was it worth the price? Was the reward sweet enough to overcome the bitterness of the sacrifice? Probably not, but the sacrifice was needed, and that was why men like Harry cast light in the darkest of the hearts. I felt this showed a complete understanding of the war and the reasoning behind those that fought, as well as casting a question over whether it was right for someone to die for the good of the cause and leave their family behind. It is one of the most eloquent descriptions of the pain behind the war that I think I have ever read and as such, I felt I should point it out.
The characterisation of Harry in this piece was spot on, in my opinion. It fits his character that he would be determined to keep going until the end but that he would use the image of Ginny to strengthen him and to guide him through what he has to do. This image: As the words wrapped around him like armor was particularly strong as it fitted perfectly with the idea that Harry would use his love of Ginny and the memory of her to help he do what it is he needs to.
The characterisation of Ginny is not quite so strong, to me. I think that in canon she is presented as somewhat stronger than in this story, though of course, it is hard to know how the war would truly have affected her and it could be that her reliance on Harry’s love grew as a result of the war. However, her burning desire for him to return safely is in character for her as to have Harry return to her would mean everything for her. My other issue with Ginny, nitpicky as this may seem, is the description of her hair as auburn. In canon, as a Weasley, Ginny is never described has having anything other than fiery, red hair and I think this is an important part in reflecting the strength and determination of her character. Auburn strikes me as a little too tame a description for her hair.
I have one or two other technical nitpicks in this story. In this sentence: It was the war what had taken all this away from her, ‘what’ should be that or possibly which. Another thing I noticed was that here, She was supplicating for Harry, I found that the word supplicating stuck out and interrupted the flow as it was a more complex word than the majority of the language used throughout the story and therefore did not completely fit together with the rest.
There are so many good things to say about this story and overall, I found it to be a very touching piece.
Amazing Detail! This is an awesome story!
Author's Response: Thanks a lot! :D
This is very well written. You've showed such strong emotions through your imagery that one can't help but to connect with the story.
I especially love this part:
Kneeling as she was, Ginny was the portrait of a prayer; a plea to love for love. She was supplicating for Harry. That wherever he was, he could hear her voice, and see the star in the night that would lead him home.
I remember doing that when I worry about someone I love.
I love how you show that strong connection in Harry & Ginny's love.
I love the idea that love can be so strong that it can overcome time and distance. This story really shows how love can conquer all things.
Author's Response: Yes, love is indeed a strong feeling. It governs over all things, be it the presence of love or the lack of it. It's an honour to receive all these compliments :) Thank you for reading and reviewing!
I absolutely loved this story. The sensitivity was astounding and brought me to tears. Fantastic job.
Author's Response: Thank you very much, hpfreak :) I love this story very much. Actually right now I'm listening to the song that inspired me to write this story. Thank you for your compliments!
Pablo! I was scanning through your Author's page and I saw this one-shot. That's when I realized that I read this fic a long time ago, when I first became a MNFF member. I didn't know you back then and I didn't know you were a Slytherin either. But I had thought that this fic was so good. It's so sad and melancholic, but full of hope and wonder at the same time. And it's Harry/Ginny, which is great! I really liked it!
Author's Response: Oh, such a pleasant surprise, Viv :D I thought no one would ever review this story again, or the other 'old ones', heh.
Who would've thought? Our paths crossed again after that ^_^ This also makes me feel like an old member *lol*
Well, the story that inspired this one-shot has that sense of melancholy. But the story turned out to be hopeful too as I wrote it. In all honesty, I like it very much, even when I know there aren't many things going on, heh.
I think that my writing style tends to focus on simple things, actions, or events, and try to capture the emotion or magic that occur in such situations... I don't know; I'm weird, heh.
Thank you very much for the review, Viv :) You made my night (as I'm about to go to bed, heh)!
that was beautiful.
Author's Response: Hi again lilywink!
Aw, thank you very much :D "Come Back" has always stood out to me as a story of longing and desire. Human emotions are really powerful and they have molded history to a great extent.
Enough of the philosophical babble :) thank you very much for reviewing!
The pain of Ginny, and the resolve of Harry both come out very well here! Great work and definately tells of the poetry of love and the strength that can come from it!
Author's Response: Ah, I really like this story. It's the only one of my stories that came out this way (although OceanSoul could also have some of this 'descriptive, poetry-like' style). It makes me very happy to know that you saw all of that in the story; it means it somehow accomplished its objective :) Once again, thank you very, very much for reviewing :D
Wow that was so beautiful. You can feel like you're there with Ginny- Well done, it's extremely well written!! I'm definitely going to read some of your other fics. Keep up the great work.
Author's Response: Hi Chocolate_Frogs (Great name, by the way!) :) Aw, thank you very much! In this fic I was really inspired by one song, and I think that it reflects on the story :P Thank you very much :D And I hope you like the others as well!
Oh it was so beautiful. An eery kind of aura, but sparkling, not dark. I really enjoyed it, but I'm too tired for my brain to function up to the constructive criticism level... grr I don't know why, I haven't really used my brain today =P Keep up the good work and yeah let's see that chapter fic eh?
Lots of love and encouraging praises,
Author's Response: Hi again, Phoenix3! Oh, sparkling. That's good (: Yes, that's the way I feel about this one-shot. As many others have said, it doesn't really have any action in it, but somehow it reflects other things. Ah, don't worry :D Just having another review from you it's very rewarding!
Ah, yes, my chaptered fic. Actually, I had submitted the first chapter but it got rejected :/ It seems that there was some problem with the format (I'm not quite sure why as it is the same format I've used with all of my stories) and the mod also told me I had to erase some lines. I'll be re-submitting the chapter today though :) So, hopefully, you'll be able to read it very soon!
Thank you very much for reviewing, Phoenix3! It really encourages me :)
Hello! 'm back! I just thought I'd pop in and see if you had anything new up, but sadly no, so I re-read this :D
Okay, I am now going to give you a slightly more through review than norman *gasp*
A soft curtain of rain whispered over her face while the moonlight was shinning high above, reflecting on the small drops of sadness. Her auburn hair was dancing with the wind of pale night, and the stars high above were burning, consuming her happiness, her life. The trees around her talked in low whispers as the wind ran around their old bodies. It was the symphony of nature.
WOW, what a way to start! The imagery you get from that single paragraph sets up the whole story amazingly! And the way you have the rain and wind etc. were musical. Its slightly eerie. ;)
The rich sounds around her were a soft flute blending with her soul; the melancholic notes played by her soul
Ohh, that musical reference again! I love it!
But what was right? Was it to leave a father without son, a mother without daughter? Was it to make the children grow without parents, without brothers? Every time someone defended what was right that person risked everything and sacrificed the love of the family for the life of light. Was it worth the price? Was the reward sweet enough to overcome the bitterness of the sacrifice? Probably not, but the sacrifice was needed, and that was why men like Harry cast light in the darkest of the hearts.
Amazingly well said!!!
His eyes were clouded, burdened by the chains of a destiny not yet fulfilled.
There is just something about that sentence...It gives me chills!
Oh, and I have a fave line (if it is possible to pick one) *hem hem*: Eighteen years had led him to this night, but all the centuries would lead him to Ginny.
Woooot! Okay, so you couldnt call that through, but it was LONGER than my usual reviews! I gotta go now, its nearly 2 in the morning over here...lol.
Author's Response: Hahah, hi again Lisa! It doesn't matters you can't call it thorough; it's the intention what counts!
Ah, what can I say? First of all, THANK YOU!!! :) Now I'll comment on your comments (lol).
Ah, this could be the best opening line I've written so far... I'm not sure, because I like the opening of "Ocean Soul" a lot, too. I know what you mean with 'music reference'. As I wrote it while listening to the song, the music really impregned into the words: I'm very pleased with it :)
Oh, hahah. Well, from time to time I say things that may even be confused with wise ;)
That line came out at the first session, and remained unaltered. Sometimes even I get lucky :) I like that line, too. It somehow reveals the weight of destiny upon the persons.
Ah, I love that line, too! I don't know how I came up with it, but I'm glad I did :) I have several fave lines in this story :) : "Her face was lifted to the black night, as though she wanted to reach the clouds with her lips, with a forbidden kiss." Also this one: "...and his name escaped her lips, perhaps unbeknownst to her." Or this one: "Kneeling as she was, Ginny was the portrait of a prayer; a plea to love for love." (I like it a lot!). Also this one: "Eighteen years had led him to this night, but all the centuries would lead him to Ginny. He would return." I know I'm the author, but I have to say that I really, reall yloved this line. When I wrote it, it made me feel the same hope I was writing about.
Ah, lisa_lovegood, you are sooo good when it comes to cheer me up :) Yesterday was probably one of the best days of my life. I received a huge review from you ( :D ) and another one in "Ocean Soul", which are the type of reviews I love the most; I received the results from my P.I. Accreditation test (I failed the first one to become a beta reader for P.I. with 75% [I needed at leat 80%], but passed the one that is only to be accredited by P.I. [91% score!]; on top of all that, I finally decided and got myself a beta for my chaptered story. So, as you can see, yesterday was a very good day :)
Now, you have been hinting me about it :) And I'm very sorry for taking so long, but now I was finally able to really get into it. Right now, the first three chapters are finished and I'm working on the fourth. I'm also pleased to announce that as I was writing them, some extra stuff popped into my mind, stuff which will make the plot more interesting. I'm very excited, and hopefully, I'll be posting the first chapter next week. Keep tuned, and thank you for so much support lisa!
Author's Response: Just ending this nasty italic code...
Hi, it's me, the one you helped on the forums, so I thought I'd come be thankful with a review or two.
The song you "chose" really fit in with the story. It was very descriptive, and let readers see the feelings going on between the characters. Even though I'm not really into H/G as much as some, I really liked it. Good job.
And yes, I consider it a songfic. ;)
Author's Response: Ah, and they say that if you do good things, good things will happen to you :) Thanks for taking the time to review! Well, I really am into H/G, but song fics can vary widely. I have another oneshot called "Ocean Soul" that has nothing to do with a ship, so if you want to check it out :) Again, thanks for reviewing!
That was sooo romantic. I really enjoyed it, and the metaphors you used to describe their feelings were excellent!
Author's Response: Hi! That's so nice :) It's good to know that you liked it. To tell you truth, I also like this one in particular a lot, although I don't like to compare my own work. Thank you for reviewing :)
hey again! Ohhh i really liked this, your descriptions set the mood so well - you could really feel ginny's pain...I LOVE IT! as i love all your stories but heeey....
10/10 Lisa xxx
Oh! And I cant wait for you chaptered story to come out *wink wink*
Author's Response: Hi again Lisa :) Ah, it is so good to know that you still like my stories, heh. Each story brings the doubt of whether the readers will like it or not. Unfortunately, I'm still in the process of moving to a new country, although it all should end by this monday/tuesday, day when I'll re-submit a one-shot that got rejected :)
Aw, that was so beautiful! Almost shed a tear there :)
Author's Response: Ah, thank you very much Isadora. Glad you liked it. :)
I loved it! It was really good, but I wish there was more. It was happy but sad at the same time, so I cried. Good, good story
Author's Response: Aw, thank you very much! Sometimes I feel tempted to write something more, but I know that here is where it ends :) I know what you mean with "happy but sad". You'll find that most of my stories have that quality. However, that this story touched you is the reward of writing. Thanks for reviewing, Serena979 :)
I can tell that it came easily, the writing is so simply done, yet elegant and heartwrenching. Way to go! I'll go check on your other one shot.
Author's Response: Ah, Narwen3. So good to hear from you again! I was starting to think you had forgotten me (lol) :) But yes, what you read has suffered only minor changes after the first time I wrote it. I'm glad that you liked it :D Your story keeps amazing me!
nice. very poetic and artistis.
Author's Response: Thank you very much :)
who is the artist of the song Angels fall first? What happened to Harry?
Author's Response: Hi! Well, the artis is a group called Nightwish. There's a link in the second disclaimer to a custom video that uses that song (in case you want to hear it :P ). Oh, and you are the first person that asks what happened to Harry (that's a good thing by the way). Actually, I don't know. The story ends here, leaving the choice to the reader to imagine that he indeed came back or that he never did.
o btw i read all of ur fics before and will keep reading all of them! u never stop amazing me!
Author's Response: Wow, thanks again! It's certainly very comforting to know that your work is being appreciated. Just to let you know, right now I finished writing a one-shot about Tom Riddle/Voldemort. I like it very much, and I certainly hope that you too like it when it is finally up in the site :D
oh that was outstanding! the words are soooooo sad and beautiful i almost cried! oh u are an excellent writer and your words are like poetry...words can hardly express the image that was put in my mind....oh im a helpless romantic at heart...wonderful...keep writing lots more!! 10000000/10!
Author's Response: Oh... thank you very, very much :D I'm very happy that you liked my story and my writing style :) You certainly cheered me up this day, and for that, thank you! I'm glad that you could picture what I felt when writing the story; it makes it all worth the work! Oh, and by the way, I'm too a "helpless romantic at heart" type :D