So, I'm hoping that by this point in time you know that everything that is written by you is simple and utter genius. It's really quite a challenge to even review one of your poems/fics because of the complexity of everything you write. However, that's not meant in a derogatory fashion; I'm saying that it's just difficult to find the write words to describe your brilliance. And nitpicking's nearly impossible without looking really hard... I think I managed to find something that's not really there. Great, just fabulous. @.@ Anyway, to the review.
I really enjoyed this piece because of the flowery and sometimes abrupt description. The way you were able to twist your words around in my head and then, when I think you're about to reveal something, you just stop -- not only evil, but some true talant. ;) One prime example would be in the first stanza: "No shaft of sunlight has entered here; no ray nor spark nor turn of eye; and in the end, all will fall to dust and dark, shadowing and tasting and foreseeing the inevitable." The way it was indented and the series of semi colons was also a work of art -- it kept me reading. Some of your description just "works" - The light in December’s weary grey is tarnished like the smoke of a cigar. not only does the description vividly give an image into your head, it also is my favourite line.
Plot wise, this isn't especially original, as there have been concepts that have been loosely based on it in the past, but the way it's served is above and beyond what anyone else has ever done. I think that's what matters most -- not necessarily the package, but how you wrap it. That's what's important. I enjoyed reading the last stanza as well, as it is what finally pulls the other segments -- which seem so loosely connected -- together. This line, I feel, sums up what this poem is all about: The locket swings. Gold. Dazzle.
The light is still, caught in time; it lingers like the drawn-out note of a violin. Not only is is gorgeous imagery, it also explains Regulus' end.
Now, I don't know much about the rule of poetry, so when I say "nitpicks", they probably aren't nitpicks but rather very misinformed guesses on what I think this should look like. Words move, living things in consciousness. Horror glances, passes on. This had me confused when I first read it, and I still didn't understand it the second time. After rereading the whole poem a few more times, I feel like I get it now. I don't know exactly how to fix it -- after all, I know nothing about poetry. ;)
Pure genius as always, Noldo. What more is there to say? You really can write, you really can create imagery no one else would think of (but you leave them wishing that they thought of it first). Fabulous and entertaining. Two thumbs up. ;)
That's awesome, you're awesome. Keep writing, m'kay?
And you aren't submitting it? *shivers* Very good bit of poetry, quite descriptive, and although there is quite a bit of detail in the piece, I like it that most of the detail is given through metaphor and simile. Even though the piece has some rather dark elements, it didn't really strike me as dark until after I read it. I also really liked your line : "The inevitable is shadowed in the dance of the stars." Very nice.
*calms self down*... this is really wow, just wow. The entire poem had this sense of urgency to it, and you did that really well using the enjambement(*hopes I haven't mixed up my terminology*).
It was also really moving, I found that I needed to read this one out loud, but I had a little lump in my throat as I read it, even thought it was supposed to be about forgetting bad memories etc(go figure). I guess before one lets go one must revisit those bad memories in all their terrible glory, and I suppose there's still a sense of loss that comes with renewal.
Another thing I liked especially was the way you laid emphasis on the last line of each section or - they really were chapters in the story. I especially liked this one: Renewal is the erasure of the memory of unsavoury things past. And the way you broke that up gave it alot more emphasis.
And I guess I could go on forever, this poem is one of those that can be analysed with long essays and many many readings. Thank you for another excellent dose of my favourite black brothers...*goes to put it on favs and read again*