Danm, you ended on a clifie. I know Snape thinks Harry will succeed, but what if he doesn't?
I have to enjoy the irony that you posted this a mere day after I posted my first story here, that deals exactly with the notion of the deathly potion.
It was a delight to read another story with that idea and also to see a version of Snape's mindset during this event.
on word: Amazing
-the spidermanblanket
Toasted Turnip Review
For the record I already wrote this review once, and the computer ate it. If it sounds a little breathless, that's why!
First off, very nicely done -- it's always good to see Severus redeem himself in fine style. I hope you come back to this and make yourself happy with the bits you feel rushed past. I'm curious to see how that would go.
Mandatory nitpicking: You have a 'Kedarva' in there, and spells should, generally, be italicized. Also, one of the things that is definitely rushed past is the actual canon scene -- there's a lot of dialogue and action missing, including a radical shift or two in the personality of Severus, and he is not the one who lit Hagrid's hut. Too, we lost Buckbeak's attack somewhere, and that might have had a bit of importance to him. Oh, and there were a few shifts of POV tucked away when Severus is explaining himself to Harry. You have Harry introspectively understanding, which can only be done from his own point of view, in the middle of a lot of Severus-sees things. It's subtle and sneaky, but there.
But enough of that. I like your version of accounts, and have this awkward feeling I may end up liking them better than Jo's. There very probably is a good deal of information exchanged when one Legilimens looks into the eyes of another; that was a good solid moment. Your action scenes are vigourous and the character sketches swift and tidy -- plaudits!
Wow!!!! That was great! It is certainly not the way you expect it to end. Nice one.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm so glad you liked it!
That was pretty good. Although I wish you had broken this in several chapters and made it more detailed. Like the previous person said, the end seemed kinda rushed, but overall, the story was pretty good. Especially Snape's character. Your portrayal of his personality was perfect in my opinion. Good job.
Author's Response: Thanks for the positive comments on Snape's personality. I find myself able to relate to him a lot (which scares me sometimes!) and so he is my favourite to write. I know there are rushed spots, which is why I had added the A/N about some of the simplistic explanations. I would love to take this farther, because I really enjoyed writing it, and a lot of it won't make it into Lethal Affection either. Hmmm...perhaps I will have to consider another full-length fiction here.
I must say, this was amazing. You got Snape in character quite nicely, especially at the end while he was talking to Voldemort. Although I must be picky and say that Voldemort himself was a bit out of character at the end when he screamed "Severus!" when he came in. I would imagine that he have snapped that.Apart from that, a very good fic, and an entertaining read.
~Ermine the One
Author's Response: I agree with you, so Voldemort is no longer shouting, but snapping. *Sigh* By the end of 6,500 words, I just wanted it to end! :-) Thank you for your kind words.
