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Reviews For Self Analysis

Name: joybelle423 (Signed) · Date: 05/29/07 1:33 · For: Part I
Steph! *glomps* When I first read this, many months ago, I must say I was absolutely crushed when Hermione didn't "feel" the kiss. You did an excellent job showing her complete heartbreak, even though it was just a dream. That whole scene with the kiss is beautifully haunting. I think you described Ron perfectly -- his eyes changing expression, then him stepping back, hands in pockets, the whole thing is just how I imagine a slightly older Ron.

But going back to the beginning, before the actual dream, I like that even there Ron and Hermione seem like themselves. They're both being stubborn, and Hermione is being a little bossy even. I especially like that Ron actually notices that she's upset in the first place, but then he goes further and asks her what's wrong, and then won't leave till he gets an answer. He's clearly maturing, but I can still see glimpses of the book!Ron sticking out. Hermione's outburst is just fantastic. Clearly, she's thought about this a lot (as seen in the other chapter, lol), and it's very important to her. It's a good thing to be thinking about, too. I'd probably wonder the same thing if I were in her position -- which makes her character so easy to relate to in this fic.

Now that I've rambled in a very Steph-like fashion, I'm going to go away. Not for long, though! If you ever want me to go gung-ho on these last two chapters, let me know! I always love working and chatting with you. *hugs*

~ Abigail

Author's Response: Oh, how I miss you!! I just want to climb onto the lounge with you and dig my toes under the pillows! I love these reviews, Abi, because they're so you, and not that horrible textbook-know-it-all. They make me feel loved, and a much better writer than I am, but most definetly the writer I want to be :).

Name: joybelle423 (Signed) · Date: 04/09/07 1:03 · For: Prologue
Steph, this is such a lovely beginning! Your descriptions are beautiful, and I really feel like I've been drawn into Hermione's head for a while here. Her feelings are easy to identify with, and she seems much more vulnerable than she is in the books. I love that aspect. The whole needing to cry, but can't at the same time was wonderful, and I felt that the poem worked nicely, too. And the wanting to be fictional! I totally understand that. It's amazing to me that Hermione is the same way. Great job here, darlin'!

Author's Response: See, we are joined at the hip.

Name: GreyLady (Signed) · Date: 01/15/07 12:08 · For: Part II
I love her thoughts and wonderings in the prologue, and the way they are presented; it’s heartbreaking and fascinating the same time, and you’ve managed to convey such a lonely, truly detached mood by using shorter sentences and limited description. It fits very well, and is continued consistently throughout the entire fic. I also loved this line: “She liked having a point of how the world looked back at her, rather than what she perceived through her own eyes,” and the last one as well. It was a truly intriguing prologue.

I had no idea that Part 1 was a dream until the end—good job in not giving it away! I’m blown away by how IC Ron and Hermione behaved, even while Hermione is going through a traumatic time. A lot of your imagery supports your characterization so well, “Hermione folded her arms across her chest and tried to shake the salt tears from her cheeks. She flopped a lock of hair across her face as a physical barrier.” This tells the reader exactly what she’s feeling without ever saying it.

It was shocking (in a good way) when Hermione couldn’t feel him kissing her. It’s such a subtle, devious nightmare. I don’t think that it was entirely realistic, however. There was none of the fuzziness of a real dream, and many people never hear actual voices when they dream. Unless she’s experiencing a lucid dream? Either way, it was still a fine bit of writing.

It was very lovely when Ron and Hermione got together at the end. It was romantic, but not too much so, and there was a certain feeling of healing. Good, good job Steph. Your description can be beautiful, and yet you don’t use it in excess. Like this line, ““Ron,” she said hoarsely. The monosyllabic word felt like aloe against the sand paper of her throat. She hadn’t used her voice in weeks, and she liked the sound of it.” It’s just perfect. =)

I have a couple of nitpicks:

“She simply saw herself there, waiting for someone to answer her problems, someone to tell her what she wanted to her; what she needed to hear.” The first “hear’ is missing the “a.”

“She liked deciding what was happening, when it happened, and what happened.” Did you mean to use ‘what happened twice in one sentence?

“She liked to see peaceful clam in others, and ferociously wished her life was more like “theirs,” “they” being fictional or otherwise.” Typo in “calm.”

“For once in her life, she’d grasped something, been able to keep it with in reasonable reach.” “Within” is one word.

Harry’s letter was very formal, too. That would be my biggest criticism. I know a lot of people have a hard time writing letters in a character’s voice, so don’t feel too bad about it. I know I have difficulties with it. I was also a little disappointed in how short this fic was; I would have liked more! For some reason, I didn’t feel a complete sense of resolution, of wrapping up. It’s not something horrible, just something to think on. ;) You ending was breathtaking: “They would rise up against him in mind, body, and soul.” This fic was a joy to read, Steph. Wonderful work.

Author's Response: REN OMG!! *loves all over you*

I suck at writing letters. Everyone knows it. Guh. My own letters are full of crack, but I could hardly have Harry writing that one >.> I'll work on it! (And when I've written a better one, I'll put it in >.<) As for winding it up, this was my first attempt at "finishing" a fic, so I may very well come back with a continued piece.

Ren dear, thank you SO much for this review!

Name: Saint Chili (Signed) · Date: 11/29/06 6:16 · For: Prologue
that was like very good.. your my hero.. you must have good taste in music to write awesome stories like that i swear

Author's Response: Haha, thanks Nathan! Another corrupted!

Name: deanine (Signed) · Date: 11/05/06 16:23 · For: Part II
You have a very distinctive style to your writing. It has a formal feel a proper feel. Some writing feels fuzzy or liquid. This feels crisp and stacato. It's a Hermione fic, a romantic fic, a sad fic.

It is.

I enjoyed it :)

In part I, there was a choice of phrase that didn't seem to fit to me: risking butt hide. I'm thinking you wanted one or the other, but I can sort of see how you might have wanted both there too so :)

Happy writing!

Author's Response: Oh, Bridget thank you! I think I meant hide, but I'll go in and change it :) Thank you for sort of, 'defining' this. I was wondering whether or not there was too much of a difference between the chapters, but you've made me feel better. Thank you! ♥

Name: Chaser47 (Signed) · Date: 10/13/06 21:18 · For: Prologue
I love when authors use mirrors in their stories. It seems to open up a whole new way to analyze a character, almost in an objective and psychological way.

I loved how the "she" (I'm going to assume that it is Hermione from now on so I don't have to keep typing "she" :P) went to the library to analyze herself. It was such a great insight to bring this character into the place where she felt most comfortable to do something that is almost invasive.

I use the word "invasive" because looking so hard at yourself is hard. It is hard to see your flaws and where you come short; where you are failing. You did a marvelous job in making that uncomfortable feeling come alive for Hermione. It was very real.

The only nitpick I could find was that the word "she" got a bit over-used. I know that there wasn't really any other way to present your story, but it got a bit hard to read in some parts because of all of the "she"s.

Well, Steph, what I liked most about your story was how deep you went with your character. It was so real, so original. You have a very unique voice and I loved your story.

Author's Response: Hanna! Oh, thank you for your lovely review! I must explain the 'she's'. The first chapter was supposed to originally be anonymous, but obviosuly it chnaged into Hermione. I don't wquite like how separate the tone is to the other two chapters, I was thinking of going in and editing it. I'd like very much if yopu'd help em with that. There's nothing better than making your work better. Thank you for the sweet review! ♥

Name: PuffTheMagicDragon (Signed) · Date: 07/17/06 23:08 · For: Part II
i thought it was very good, but the way you left it off almost made it appear as if there could be a sequel, savvy? well done though! : )

(PuffTheMagic Dragon)

Author's Response: Well, I did leave it open, I suppose. It wasn't all that intentional, but who ever heard of a conscience doing the writing for you? I s'pose in my free time I could concoct something, Puff. Savvy?

Name: saveginny417 (Signed) · Date: 06/04/06 12:30 · For: Part II
oh goody. part 1 made up for itself in part 2. i was MAD about that, lemme tell you.... beautiful, Steph. I S2 your stories! Juli

Author's Response: hehhe I was hoping that you'd say that! s2 you too!

Name: Paisa (Signed) · Date: 06/04/06 6:10 · For: Part II
Nice! The mods finally accepted it! :)

Good Job with it all, Steph!


Author's Response: Yep, itfinally got accepted! My first *cough* story no MNFF that's completed!

Name: marvologirl4 (Signed) · Date: 06/03/06 1:12 · For: Prologue
hey i love the quotes from the sisterhoods. I LOVE THOSE BOOKS. good chapter also.

Author's Response: I love the sisterhood books too! I especiallylovedthose quotes, and i thought they contributed to Hermione's feelings. Thanks for reviewing!

Name: murgatroid (Signed) · Date: 06/02/06 18:32 · For: Part II
that was beautiful, Steph, absolutely stunning. Well done ^_^

Author's Response: AH! Internet Deprived! Three days! Aww, thankyou!

Name: Fly to Dawn (Signed) · Date: 05/28/06 7:46 · For: Part I
Hermione sobbed in anguish and called out his name. “Ron. Ron!”
Over and over again she called, until her throat was hoarse.

This part is my favourite out of the whole chapter ;-)

Ron and Hermione would certainly say those kind of things, don't worry.
Your fic really describes the angstiness of the war - and of being a teenager. The part where Hermione pulls away in her dream really tells us about those unsure feeling ;-)
Also, 'It was a dream' was a surprise! I want to read more...........love your fic.

P.S. Can you guess who i am? lol. I am your friend from Japan ;-)

Author's Response: Hey Dawnie! I had hoped SOMEONE woudl like the 'dream' aspect of it. Glad you did! The unsure feeling, I'm sure many of us have experienced at one time or another =) and it's been updated, and is in the queue! Wish me luck!

Name: murgatroid (Signed) · Date: 05/26/06 23:16 · For: Part II
ooh!! updatification on the way?!!? i hope my help.. er.. helped.. lol. Cant wait to read the end!!!

Author's Response: Lol you know this review might be oblierated? Here's hoping it's not! ♠

Name: sweeterthanhunny (Signed) · Date: 05/12/06 9:23 · For: Prologue
I liked it.I loved her analysis of herself. I often want to be a character in a book, tho not because I have to much going on- Ek 'n bietjie lui is. Sorry. Cant wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks for stopping by and reviewing! I actually want to be a character in a fanfiction ^-^ then It's ever going, and the most ludicrous things happen!

Name: CraftySlytherin (Signed) · Date: 05/03/06 14:59 · For: Part I
Oh Steph, you are just TOO mean! Ron and Hermione is my favorite pairing, and I love to see them get together, and you were doing such a nice job, then....SMACK!!!! I ran into a brick wall!!! You are...you're just too mean. By the way, HOWDY YA'LL!!!!

Author's Response: =D. I will be nicer. I've had this planned. It was hard for me to write that, you know. 'Twas but a dream. But ya'll know *belts out at top of lungs* DREAMS DO COME TRUUUEEE! < /end karaoke.>

Name: CraftySlytherin (Signed) · Date: 05/03/06 14:52 · For: Prologue
Hey Steph!! This is a great beginning. You do a really great job showing what's going on in Hermione's mind. I agree...i think she stretches herself thin too. The quotes were a nice touch!!

BTW, miss doing the round robins!! I fear our loverly stories will be gone when the forums are back up. Guess we'll just have to start over again!

Author's Response: *is sad* our Round ROBINS! Will Haryr and Ginny ever get married by Bugs Bunny, lol? And DON'T WORRY. No Dramione is this story =P. I love those quoites, they're from the Sisterhood of the Travelling pants novels. Pants = love.

Name: murgatroid (Signed) · Date: 05/02/06 21:36 · For: Part I
agh!! my constant abuse of the phrase "...and then i woke up and it was all a dream" has finally come, to bite me in the bum (ha! im a poet) (oh yeah, and i DIDNT KNOW IT har de harhar) by making me sad :( noo!!! no, the dialogue is realistic steph, remember ron is mature in HBP now? and btw, i have not been dead for the past 2 weeks i have been in new zealand. (of course! you say) which means all this new stuff is freakin me out. ITS ALL DIFFERENT!!!!!! i like short capters coz i can then read them at school when im sposed to be working... oops :P but all new chapters are good so keep 'em coming!!!

Author's Response: *eyes sparkle* Were there sheep? *slaps own wrist* Here si go with the stereotypes, lol. Ooh! Mature!Ron. That's a good spotting. I just thougth yeah, at the end of HBP when he's crying on Hermione, he kinda swallowed his pride. Oh, and I read MNFF at school too! Good to see you back, Kali!! :P

Name: Famel (Signed) · Date: 04/27/06 4:00 · For: Part I
Very Good! Can't wait till Ch3 is up. Soon i hope!

Author's Response: Sooooooooooooooon. As soon as my exams are done. Until then, the constant threat of failing maths is on my shoulders. Ugh, whats that poking in my back? A school book?

Author's Response: Sooooooooooooooon. As soon as my exams are done. Until then, the constant threat of failing maths is on my shoulders. Ugh, whats that poking in my back? A school book?

Name: saveginny417 (Signed) · Date: 04/25/06 18:28 · For: Part I
awww, Steph! MEAN! I was gonna say how that was quite possibly the best romance I'd read in a while, but the thing at the end killed it. ahhhhh you make me so angry I'll just...do this: (*#)@%&#!!!... type random shift+numbers and pretend I'm swearing. safer that way. grrrrr... you better get part 2 up fast or I'll be mad! oh, wait. I'm already mad. scratch that.

whatever. 10/10 anyway. yours, Juli (in an angry sort of irritated way)
lol only joking. you rock, Steph.

Author's Response: *arches eyebrows* You LIKE Ron/Hermione romance. Take not of her perception of the kiss. Therein lies the key to unlocking the secret of the next chapter.

Name: OhISee (Signed) · Date: 04/21/06 22:24 · For: Part I
Oooh, that was evil. I was all "NO! Don't leave Ron! What's wrong Hermione??? You're meant to be together!" Silly me, twas all a dream. Your dialogue is fine. It was perhaps a little stilted in one spot, but with more practice I think you'll find it'll come easier. I love dialogue, so I didn't find I missed the imagery, but then again I usually have to remind myself that it can't all be dialogue, so perhaps I'm not the best one to ask. :S This is indeed different from Malicious and I'm glad to see you stretching yourself as a writer. You may not notice it, but your writing has already improved since the beginning of Malicious. On a more technical note, remember to double space between bits of dialogue (I just can't stop being a beta, can I? Just tell to sod off, if you like... :D) I'm interested to see where the next chapter will take us. A dozen roses for m'lady... no, wait, you like some kind of flower that starts with 'frangi - somthing???'... I'll send for those instead. :D

Author's Response: I would never tell you to sod off, m'dear! Frangipani's =D But any flower is fine, really! (you don't have frangipani's there??) It's the thought that counts! I really haven't noticed the change, but I'm glad some people have. I've noticed the err.. situation's becoming more complex, but yes, the dialogue was something i picked up on myself. I was re-rerading the HP Books (as you do) and saw the amoutn of talking in comparison to imagery, so i thought I'd give it a go.! Thank you SOOOO much for your in depth reviews!!!! The double space thing wil be fixed!

Author's Response: PS- Hr/R foreeeveeeerr!

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