This poem is interesting...and treads a path often tread, by war poets. As a poem, it's quite hit and miss. Your line lengths change and some lines knock the whole thing out of rhythm and some of the imagery doesn't seem to quite fit 'My mind fades like a photograph' Well photographs don't fade, they're constant, unchanging shouldn't it be more like 'My mind fades like ripples on a lake, breaking on the bank' or something more relating to actually fading.
Your poem also tries to be both retrospective and looking at the wider picture but also looking at the personal side of things as well. This means the two jar a little and don't really fit together, it would be interesting if you focused on one side of things.
The rhyming works quite well in buiding in rhythm, but the poem is sometimes held back by it, rhyme can make poets add imagery into a poem that doesn't really fit with the poems theme at all.
Good use of repetition.
Keep writing!

I read this and thought "Wow! This is wicked!" I really like it! Great job dude! {see my bio for the dude thing....} This is totally on my favorites!

Author's Response: Thanks!