AAAAAH! a cliffie! excellent so far, please post new chap soon!!!
oh-no! that was almost Harry in book one! Deja-vo! That must suck! and hurt! sickening crunch, ouch! hey, i'm hungry, i'm going to go eat now. cool story! i wonder what i'm going to eat...... :P
Author's Response: I know, exactly. I can tell you that James is going to be just fine but I can't promise anything for the person who jinxed the broom. Thanks. =)
sigh, i love Sirius.... :P
Author's Response: Oh, me too. Thanks.
hehehe, silly peter, still don't like him though... good story! i like it a whole bunch! :P
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
good start! but a lot of the story is stuck in italize wording. you might want to change that.
Author's Response: AG! I do need to change that. *mutters* I'll get right to that.
Well, it would appear that you and Kate have a thing for Gred and Forge... lol. I loved the story - your characterization is great, and the way you describe Lupin's emotions is wonderful. Scene transition can be a bit rocky, but besides that it's wonderful!
Your Affectionate Pafoo
Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. I certainly enjoyed writing it. Thanks again. =)
My goodness, I thought I left a review for this chapter! Well, I think this looks fabulous...and I was tickled pink with the special thanks you gave me! Glad to help!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Of course I would give you special thanks, because I couldn't have done it without you! =] --Sugarquill Girl
Nice job on this installment, I really enjoyed it! Proffessor McGonagall was perfect and Bellatrix is hilarious (she's one of my favorite bad guys). =)
I'm excited to see the fourth chapter once you get it through editing!
Author's Response: Oh, thankies! Good, I thought I was making McGonagall too...well, boring. Thanks. Yeah, I guess we all love to hate Bella, don't we? Thanks a bunch! I should have chapter 4 (and 5 is halfway finished!) up very soon! =] --Sugarquill Girl
Nice installment, I really did like this one, it definitly marks an improovement writing-wise. I always thought that Sirius would've liked being in Gryffindor since he didn't exactly like his family, but it's true that the change might've come on a bit more slowly...
Author's Response: Thank you very much, once again. An improvement? Oh, thank you! I've always read fics where Sirius WANTED to be in Gryffindor, and I thought I'd change things around in my story. After all, he's lived his life around the influence of the Black family -- it makes sense he might have a little bit of changing to do. I thought it would be nice to show how James and Remus help him change. Ah...I rambled. Thanks for the review and Happy New Year! --Sugarquill Girl
Hey good job, I like the story. I'm assuming Sirius is going to get nicer right? lol Oh and might want to fix the italics, I think you meant to end them but they kept on going... lol
I particularly like the description of Lupin with solemn brown eyes. It's exactly as I pictured him. And good job not making Lily too much of a copycat of Hermione. =)
Author's Response: Thanks so much. And yes, Sirius comes around, of course. What would we do with a mean Sirius? Well, meaner than usual... Thank you for pointing that out! I corrected it -- thank you! Thank you, aw...I always thought Remus was probably the sweetest looking boy. I'm glad you pictured him that way! And I'm glad you enjoyed Lily, too! --Sugarquill Gilr
Regarding the special thanks, you are completely and totally welcome. Always glad to help...and this chapter looks fantastic!
Author's Response: Aw, thanks a bunch! *grins* I owe the chapter's bea-u-tifulness to you! Thanks, Mariah! =]
Okay... indeed, your constructive criticism request drew my attention. I'm sorry if you don't find this helpful at all, but it's the dead of the night - or morning - and my eyes are half-closed, so...
Anyway, about your story...
Basically, I really think you're a good writer. You have a very good grasp of the canon characters, but it still isn't easy to demonstrate such an accurate characterization. About that, I applaud you.
Also, I could almost feel Remus' excitement about Hogwarts (especially the desription of the Great Hall is absolutely great) and his nervousness about making friends. The atmosphere is very well demonstrated.
Now, especially for the second chapter, there's a small thing that you may want to look out for. You see, some scenes are cut rather short, and the transition between sentences seems a little abrubt. For example, I felt that the Sorting Feast could be described more intensely. You might not want to put the hat's song, but you could add a few random names in between the Marauders. I think that would help stressing each of their nervousness about the sorting a little more. Another example for my point is their dormitory. They just.. crawl into bed, and... sleep. It seemed a little awkard to me: what did they think about their dormitory? You could describe the room. How did they choose their beds? Overall, what I'm trying to say is, these and a few other points seem to lack enough description in between a deeply constructed atmosphere.
As for this chapter, the only thing I'd suggest would be to change the first sentences of the second pharagraph: we began with Transfiguration and McGonnagal's introduction, and then, suddenly, "It was nearing lunch time, and the three boys had already been to their first three classes at Hogwarts. " I was like "Huh?Whatever heppened to Transfiguration?" Only by the middle of the pharagraph I got that the lesson was just before lunch. Maybe you should add that it wasn't their first class of the day, because I thought so, and the scond phragraph really distracted me.
And a little something else: "kindly show the show the class..." You see, it's repeated twice.
I really hope I helped a little. And I apologize if some of the things I wrote didn't make sense - my still developing English is the one to blame.
I'll be adding this to my favourites so that I can see when you update.
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm so glad you took the time to give me advice. It really brought things to my attention that I hadn't noticed before -- which is always a good thing, no matter what. I do have a tendency to rush through my chapters when I write, and, if I took the time, I could include a lot of little things in between that really make the story. Everything you pointed out was very helpful, and in later chapters, I will try to improve! Thank you so much again for reading and especially for reviewing! =D
Very nice chapter. You really get the characterization of Remus well. And the Marauders and Lily as well. Oh, I love such good-written Marauder fics. Great job ;)
Author's Response: Well, thank you. I'm really happy that you enjoyed it! =)
Oh... curse the flu!! :-P
Now, I've been thinking (I know, shocking, right?) and although everyone is really true to character, Sirius probably wouldn't have been mad that Peter was sitting with them, because- if I know Peter's personality as well as I think do- Peter would've been sucking up to Sirius the whole time. Sirius loves that!!
Again, a great story, awesome writing, PLEASE keep writing!!
Your Humble Reviewer,
Author's Response: Lol! Oh dear me. You have quite a point there. Sirius would have been very happy to get compliments, wouldn't he? That's true. Peter wouldn't have been so bad. I like that. I changed my story so now Sirius is happy about the sucking-up. Thanks again for the awesome review!!!
I really like this story and how you wright it like J.K, were you anrent really in any charchter head, but you can clearly tell who is the main charchter. A couple things though about Peter I know, I hate him and he is actully the charchter that I hate the most, even more than Voldamort. But we need to remember that obvisly Sirius, James and Remes must of liked Peter, because he become a maurder and I honstly think that the other maurders did not like him they would have told him. So try not to make Peter so stupiud and annoying. Other than that though your story is very good and I look foward to reading it in the furtrue.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it. And thanks again for taking the time to leave such a wonderful review. The one thing I have a problem with is that I do think Peter is rather stupid and annoying. See OotP, pg. 643 for an example. I think the marauders liked him, ina way, but were always rather annoyed how thick he could be. =) Thanks again.
YAY I'm first reviewer!!! *happy dance*
I LOVE this story. However, your beta is...no offense, but there are alot of little mistakes in this story. Just thing like punctuation or spelling, but still, mistakes all the same. Other than that, your story is as good as can be! You've stayed true to the characters personalities, and they're very believable.
I like the reason Peter met the Marauders. Very true, and it seems like something Peter would do.
Your Humble Reviewer,
Author's Response: Thank you so much! =) Well, that is true. She did have the flu at the time, though! I'll just wait and see and if it's not working out, I'll try to find another way to get the typos all out. Thank you so much. I really try to not change the marauders too much. Thanks again!
I LOVE this story, and have been waiting patiently (OK, more IMpatiently than patiently) for an update! Thank you!! ^-^
I wish I could give you some constructive criticism, but there's no mistakes I can find! However, if you're having trouble typing, two words: a beta.
Beta: (b-AY-tah) A wonderful person who fixes your mistakes, making more time for you to type stories for your fans.
How long do you estimate this story to be at its' end? I like to plan my reading so that I finish a good story (like this) with some popcorn in my lap and a soda in my belly. ;-)
Seriously, though: all I can say is keep writing like you are, and I'll be with you the whole way!
Your Humble Reviewer,
Author's Response: Thank you so much for all of the encouragment. It means a lot. Honestly. I couldn't write without it, I don't think. Thank you so much, again! I'm so glad I finally picked the stinky little mistakes out of this chapter -- it was tedious. I applied for a beta reader today! Yah me! And thank you for the suggestion. I'm sure my chapters will be up quicker from now on since I can write a chapter in three or so days but it takes me longer to proofread and perfect it so the mods don't keep rejecting it, lol. I'm planning to write this story through the whole school year, updating every 1 or 2 weeks, writing about the Marauders through all 7 years of Hogwarts, and giving each school year 6-8 chapters each, give or take a few. You do the math -- I can't, I'm hopeless. =P Thanks again -- that really means a lot to me! ~Sugarquillgirl
Good stuff, well written. I like the inter-personal dynamics especially!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! You made my day. =)
Finish the story already!
Author's Response: Haha, all right!
That is a great story so far! I'm going to tell people to read it on the beta readers forum! Is this your first fanfic? If not, could you tell me your other stories? I really like your style of writing!
Author's Response: Thanks! That's quite a complement. Actually, this is my fourth. I have one on another site, one I totally deleted, and one about Fred and George: Tales Before Hogwarts. Thank you very much, once again!!! :)