MuggleNet Fan Fiction
Harry Potter stories written by fans!

Name: Muggle in the Know (Signed) · Date: 03/09/10 4:23 · For: The Dance
A good fan-fiction overall, just one thing about the last line is bugging me :

“You know, Luna, I’m really going to miss you!”

There you should have used a full stop, not an exclamation mark. It just sounds awkward in that sense and with that wording. Perhaps if you wanted to make that point more accentuated you should have used :

"I'm really going to miss you, Luna!"

Or something along those lines. Using "You know," in that sentence is sort of awkward. But that's it I think.

Name: ilikeydepoopey (Signed) · Date: 07/05/09 17:53 · For: The Dance
:D this is so cute! i love it! good job. :]

Name: dennisud (Signed) · Date: 09/16/07 11:41 · For: The Dance
So there has to be more. So where is it?????

Author's Response: There is a sequel, but that cureently only resides in my head and I'm not sure if it will see the light of day anytime soon. Sorry!

Name: Summer Raine (Signed) · Date: 07/31/07 23:13 · For: The Dance
So cute! I love Luna!

Author's Response: Thank you!

Name: Valentinia (Signed) · Date: 06/22/07 15:09 · For: The Dance
Aww. I really like seeing fics that develop the friendship between Luna and Harry further! So sweet! :D Plus, I really enjoyed your characterization of Harry and Luna, she's a really hard character to write, I think! I'm not sure I can see Ron blurting out the plans, but it did fit. It's great how the fic takes place over such a small period of time, but still shows so much!

Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed the characterisation, Luna was a pretty hard character to write.

Name: Dory_the_Fishie (Signed) · Date: 01/10/07 19:09 · For: The Dance
-squishes SPEW buddy-

So. I was looking through the list of your stories, trying to decide which to review. I finally settled on this one, because I’ve read about…two Harry/Luna fics in my fanfiction-reading-lifetime, and I wanted to see your interpretation of their relationship. One of the things I like about this is how…I don’t know, friendly it is. It’s not overdone in any way, but rather very familiar-feeling and comfortable. I enjoyed it. =)

The beginning of this is very nice. It sets everything up so well, and you really center around Harry – how he’s feeling after the funeral, what he’s doing in the time he has before he goes to fight Voldemort, who he’s spending that time with. I would, however, have liked to see some actual interaction between Harry and Ginny. You have no dialogue between them to show us how they are with each other; sure, you describe it, but it’d be good to see it for ourselves. Illustrating the relationship between Harry and Ginny, I think, would have paralleled the later, budding relationship between Harry and Luna quite well. Having them both there to compare is something I’d have liked to see. But I do like your characterization of Ginny, even if it was just in narration. She and Harry didn’t randomly start snogging when they saw each other – they acted like I think they would act in their situation.

Oh, I just love when Harry asks Luna to dance. It’s so adorable! How he offers his hand and everything…aw. -girly moment- I think it’s very Harry to be sort of awkward, and it’s very Luna to be very calm about the whole thing. I am quite fond of your characterization of Luna in this; oftentimes I’m disappointed with her in fandom, but I think you did her justice in this. Their dance is great – it’s not overly dramatic or anything like that. It’s just…Harry and Luna dancing. And when Harry watches the other couples…lol at Ron and Hermione! You throwing in that little touch of them was wonderful.

“You’re not coming back to Hogwarts, are you?” Luna’s dreamy voice cut through his mirth like a blade. How perfect is that line? So perfect. I love it. It comes in at just the right moment, and it’s just…I keep saying it, but it’s just so Luna. I like that Harry actually answers her, and he does it honestly. It really helps to lay the foundation for any kind of relationship they might have in the future. He’s willing to share things like this with her.

-happy sigh- This fic is, in a word, adorable. It’s got the right tone and the right characterization and the right everything for a Harry/Luna fic. Just lovely.

Author's Response: Thank you for the awesome review, Leanne! I see what you mean about contrasting the interaction between Harry and Ginny with that between Harry and Luna, I never actually thought about doing that while writing... I'm glad you liked the story though. *hugs*

Name: Rita Writer (Signed) · Date: 09/24/06 22:21 · For: The Dance
SPEW buddy! Hiya!

I respect you for writing Luna; I’m scared to death of her (writing her anyway)! And Harry’s hard enough as it is. Both seem to be nicely in character in the story you’ve written, and it makes me happy. I also liked that you had Luna dancing with Harry, because it made me think of them in the Slug Club.

There are a couple of places were Luna sort of looses here dreamy-ish Luna state. ”...You wouldn’t want that to happen to you!” I think it’s just that I can’t remember a time when Luna has used an exclamation mark worthy quote. She’s so... calm, normally.

“No, I’m not. Ron and Hermione will come with me.” Something about this throws me off. The bit about Ron and Hermione is almost random. Perhaps it would make more since and flow better if you added a “though” and the end of the sentence?

You have no idea how happy it makes me that my SPEW buddy wrote some Luna! She’s really great. Honestly, you’ve got her down pretty well... maybe you should try writing other Luna!fics.

Oh, by the way. In your title, you’ve got the word “till” when it should be “’til”. I think “till” is some kind of plow — at any rate, it’s a noun. “’til” is a replacement for “until”.

I liked that Harry got them punch without hesitation. It shows that he’s growing up, and a little characterization can go a long way.

Once again, I hope to see more Luna from you. Not only is she an awesome character, but you’re awesome for writing her. That and your descriptions are what make this a good story. You didn’t focus a lot on plot, more character and setting, and I liked that.

Author's Response: I am actually planning a sort of sequel to this and the prologue is written and beta-ed already. It will focus more on plot and character development and not just be a moment in time, but it will probably take a while until I start posting it. I'm glad you liked Luna in this though. *hugs*

Name: lovegood02 (Signed) · Date: 09/12/06 22:59 · For: The Dance

Author's Response: Thanks.

Name: wishiwereaweasley (Signed) · Date: 06/12/06 18:12 · For: The Dance
Aww. As much as I enjoy a dark, depressing fic, I am such a sucker for a romance! This fic is just what I'm in the mood for!

You've done an absolutely marvelous job of characterization here. We actually get several Harry and Luna (note that I avoided the / !) scenes in canon, so I think that there is a fairly definite way they would act around each other. This goes for Harry especially, as I don't see Luna acting much differently around anyone. We know that Harry is awkward around her, and that her strangeness makes him nervous. You address this nicely:

there was more to Luna than her weirdness, if one wanted to call it that. Luna had proved to be a good judge of character and, although it made Harry uncomfortable at times, he respected her for always being brutally honest. It took Harry awhile to get to this point, but you've showed his maturity by having him understand her more. You also mentioned that he feels he can trust her, which makes perfect sense. He knew he could trust Luna entirely, it just wasn’t in her nature to lie and to deceive. I think the comma in this sentence would be better as a semicolon or even a colon.

Sure, he was used to Luna’s weird theories by now, but that didn’t mean he knew how to react to them any better than the first time. It's nice that, despite his tentative new comfort around her, Luna can still throw him off balance. I've seen fics where he suddenly understands everything about her, and I just don't see it. He can appreciate her, certainly, but she will always have an uncanny ability to catch him off guard. But enough about Harry. Moving on to Luna:

Luna’s wandering gaze settled on Harry after a moment, and she blinked serenely. “You know, you don’t have to dance with me if you don’t want to. I don’t mind.” This is Luna, completely and utterly. 'Her wandering gaze' is a succinct and accurate description that goes beyond the action. She's sort of a wanderer who settles down with people for a moment or two before heading off again. Blinking serenely is also just like her. Luna, for all she unsettles other people, isn't easily unsettled herself. And then, of course, her brutal honesty comes into play. She knows Harry isn't doing this of his own accord, and she doesn't mind, simply tells him he doesn't have to.

Luna nodded as if it was the most normal thing in the world to drop out of school to fight an evil lord. *giggles* To her, it probably is the most normal thing in the world! Again, it shows that she isn't easily shaken.

In addition to your main pair, you did a good job with other characterization, getting in enough actions for everyone to seem in character without having them take over the fic. Mrs Weasley's protectiveness, Ron's dancing, Hermione's reaction to Ron's dancing, Ginny's acceptance of their split. All little details which make the scene/s more realistic.

Nitpicks: They in turn, had pretended he wasn’t there at all. All in all it had been one of his more pleasant stays at 4 Privet Drive. You need a comma after 'they,' I believe, and you should always spell out small numbers like four.

He rather enjoyed Luna’s presence and having her in his arms felt surprisingly good. As he got more and more comfortable in her presence, So this is just a pet peeve of mine, but you used 'presence' twice in a row. Think about changing one of them to 'company' or something.

but now, with Luna, he felt like he could and should talk, if not about all the details, he could still discuss his major plan. This sentence runs on a bit, and is a little confusing to get through. You could break it up: 'but now, with Luna, he felt as though he could and should talk. He wouldn't discuss details, but he could at least tell her the main points.' If you'd prefer having once sentence, consider: 'but now, with Luna, he felt as though he could and should talk, at least about his major plan, though not the smaller details.' I think this flows a little smoother.

All told, I enjoyed this immensely! I'd love to see a sequel, or some other Harry/Luna from you, since you do such justice to them!

Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely review, Lys. I'm glad you think I managed to keep Luna IC. I had some problems with her, so it's nice to hear someone say they liked her. I'll go correct the things you pointed out right away. Especially the run-on sentence you caught, should better be corrected^^ Thanks again *huggles*

Name: jujume (Signed) · Date: 06/08/06 12:28 · For: The Dance
Ii want to know what happens next! Come on you're killing me here!

Author's Response: There will be a sequel, hopefully some time soon, but I can't promise that. But the sequel won't pick up where this story left off, but start three years later, I hope you'll still read it when I get around to writing it.

Name: elizabethseer (Signed) · Date: 06/04/06 16:41 · For: The Dance
aw. sweet! youve written this really well! made me very cheerful : )

Author's Response: Thank you.

Name: donkeyDude (Signed) · Date: 05/28/06 13:51 · For: The Dance
cute, adorable
Plz write more

Author's Response: Thanks. I'll definitely write more, just not right now, because I don't have the time for a huge chaptered fic now, and the sequel I have planned will be quite long, I think.

Name: the nutty imp (Signed) · Date: 04/03/06 8:11 · For: The Dance
That scene with Ron stepping on Hermione's toes had me snickering - typical of Ron *lol*

Some suggestions:

They in turn, had pretended he wasn’t there at all. ~I just feel that the comma would give it more emphasis

The whole place (had been) was a mess, more so than usual

Before his arrival, Harry had dreaded seeing Ginny again

he was used to Luna’s weird theories by now, but that didn’t mean he knew how to react to them any better than the first time.

As always you set up a Succinct but detailed atmosphere in your story, I think that's one of your strengths as a writer. I can imagine the scene but leave plenty for me to imagine on my own.

As a romance fic this is different for it's not mushy yet believable. You left the ending open so to implicate a start/beginning. In a way you title is fitting because you emphasized the freindship in this story. The possibility of anything beyond that is left to the mind of your reader. :)

Author's Response:

Thanks for pointing those mistakes out, I'll see about fixing them as soon as possible. I'm no good where punctuation is concerned, I don't even know the rules for it, so I never would have caught them without you^^

I'm thinking about writing a sequel of sorts to this, or just continuing it, but I'm not sure because I don't want to write a book seven fic and that is what would have to follow this scene. We'll see maybe I'll just pick up after the war and write some real Harry/Luna romance

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