(Sorry, my finger slipped and hit the submit button. *cough* Carrying on.)
Ginny (who is very in-character) makes a powerful decision to not allow Tom a hold over her life. I smiled at the last line: it was rather touching.
I liked this fic a lot. It's not the sort of thing I'd usually read, but it was a pleasant surprise, I suppose.
:D I sound so incredibally formal.
Oh, one more thing- your comparison of Ginny to a firecracker is cool and fitting.
Wow. This is a marvellous portrait of Ginny- a fantastic piece of character study. Gently, she progresses, internally monolouging in a clear way along a definite path that begins quite simply with a joy for flying. She goes from mourning to angry to accepting to hopeful smoothly and comfortably.
My only complaints would be that it's a tad ranty. The thing just goes on and on, and I'm not sure as a reader that it's all necessary or relevant. Charlie's arrival is abbrupt and random (in my opinion, although that might have been the affect you were looking for as the author) and only chops the story.
The ending is powerful, though, and more than compensates for the slow middle. Ginny (who is very in-character, might I add) makes a powerful desicion
This was an amazing story. If I were to describe it, I would call it a coming of age story. The emotions that Ginny felt are varied and are directly linked to that of the wizarding world and the events of the books, but I can't help thinking that the gist of them was what would have been felt by a lot of girls growing up, like confusion and uncertainty..
The way in which you describe your story makes me think of you painting a beautifully detailed picture with your words. Indeed, your minute description of everything leaves nothing to the imagination and gives the reader no problem in seeing the scene you set.
The flow was also very well done and everything just seemed to fall in place. I think its called "Geniusness" but I'm not sure.
I tried to comb this piece for error but came up squat so perhaps the one I'm about to mention now is only in my imagination or just displays my lack of grammar knowledge:
With a rush of energy, Ginny was off again, back towards the clump trees,
Shouldn't it be:
With a rush of energy, Ginny was off again, back towards the clump of trees,
Once again it was a pleasure reading this fic.=Sammy
Oh- my- God. This was a fabulous piece of writing. Believe me, it was wonderful. Like all your other reviewers, I tried *hard* to find a place to critique, but failed miserably.
Your detailing is perfect, charecterisation is beautiful, and imagery is awesome. I could close my eyes and fly with Ginny. The descriptions encaptivate the reader and arrest their attention. Your writing flows with lovely fluidity. There are many enjoyable places throughout the fic, and emotional scenes are very well written.
The paragraphs where Tom is mentioned is nicely captured; with Ginny's feelings intricately described.
And of course! The scene with Charlie! It was amazing. Totally. Wonderful dialogues, great grasp of words.
Your ending summed evrything perfectly. Good work!
What a wonderful on-shot! You have a very good eye for detail and imagery, as is evident with this submission.
I believe the timeline you have set for this is just after her first year, which is a very intersting time in Ginny's life. She is full of resentment for what she's done and partially who she became because of it. You've shown her feelings on the matter just perfectly with such lines as
Tom couldn’t touch her here, couldn’t reach out and play with her mind, couldn’t grow more solid and real as the strength was slowly sapped from her bones, from her heart.
Dumbledore himself had said that far greater wizards had been duped by Tom, and so nobody brought upon her the pain she knew she so rightly deserved.
The way you show her inner turmoil with wanting the respect of a woman but still wanting to be able to have parts of her childhood is so reminiscent of how I felt at twelve-years-old (how I'm sure most of us felt), that it is heartwarming. You've touched that subject very well.
And then there was her father. She was Daddy’s Little Girl, used to the good-night kisses and bear hugs and hair ruffling. Hogwarts took that away from her. She would creep into bed when darkness fell, whispering good-night to him from a far away place, knowing that he would never hear it, and yet hoping, hoping with the kind of hope that only blesses children, that he heard in his heart.
Being a daddy's girl myself, this is my favorite paragraph of the entire fic and it is very well written!
You've also done a superb job at showing her feelings towards Ron. I love that she feels betrayed by him for having friends, which is how I would have imagined it as well. On a side note, I really liked how you mentioned her having Ron and Harry as her imaginary friends after her seeing them off during that first year without Ron. (I hope that sounded alright, I wasn't sure how to word it.)
I only found one thing to nitpick about and I may be totally wrong, grammar wise, but I feel that in this sentence:
Neither Mum nor Dad nor Fred and George would reach her.
you should have a comma after Mum and another after Dad.
Again, excellent fic! I can't wait to read more!
Much love and admiration,
Wow. Just wow. That was amazing.
I loved how you described everything that happened to Ginny: How she depended on Tom, how she felt, and what she was going to do. How you described her relationship with Tom was beautiful. How she felt about him using her and how she reacted was very touching.
"Stop, stop right there. Enough of that, Ginny thought to herself as she flew over the pond below, the cool breeze blowing her flaming-red hair back from her freckled face. You told yourself you wouldn’t do that this year. This year will be different. This year, you’ll make friends.-You’ll smile back and talk to the girls who say, “Hi.” This year will be a new year."
I love that whole paragraph. It's just something that people can relate to feeling and it makes you empathize with her.
I never really thought of Ginny as shy or anti-socialish, but this story made me think about before she became a big part in Harry's life and I thought about how she wasn't really mentioned and this seemed to portray what she was feeling really well.
All in all this story was extremely well-written with practically no mistakes at all and I was extremely impressed by how you portrayed Ginny.
WOW! What a wonderful story! This was really well-written.
"Her robes swirled behind her, flaming red hair whipped against her cheek, and the wind was raising her higher and higher. She was a kite, buoying along in the breeze — then a bird, gliding, swerving, diving, only to shoot back up, no longer craving the solidity of earth beneath her feet."
That was a strong beginning, full of imagery (I hope I spelled it right!) and really gives a description of Gin-Gin. Her feelings are really strong- I could feel as though she was actually real and saying those things.
"And it would be a nice change from summer at the Burrow, although she highly doubted that there would be any broom sheds that she could break into where they would be staying."
Heehee, that made me giggle. I like how you added her breaking into the broomshed- even the littlest details make the story great!
But my favorite part was your characterization of Charlie. We don't see him a lot in the books, so it was nice to see someone take him and flesh him out a bit. Who wouldn't want an older brother like that? I know another reviewer said that Ginny might have been closer to Bill, but I'm glad you used Charlie.
The last paragraph was a great way to end the story. It kind of makes the reader think of what Ginny does in the future ^_^
Great story! I enjoyed it.
Very good. You got the thoughs of Ginny through very well, and what she thought about Tom and about attacking all the people.
The way she felt on her broom was portrayed very well!
I honestly have no concrit for this, no critiques. Trust me, I searched for some. I searched long and hard, but all of my efforts were futile. *grins* This fic, Kal, is nothing short of amazing. All I can really do is pontificate on the superb aspects of it and squee and grin simultaneously.
The description is…stunning. It’s simply breathtaking. It’s vivid and real. It didn’t seem as if I was reading a story – it was as if I myself was Ginny, and I was there, experiencing everything and in the story. Your language is beautiful, your similes and metaphors utterly wonderful, and just…wow. I wish I had your talent. This is truly amazing.
Your sentence structure also made me grin happily to myself. I don’t see it often, but I think that when it’s well done, as it was here, it can be powerful and moving. Mainly, I’m speaking of the sentence fragments and the use of dashes. They make some sentences clipped and shorter, but so very powerful. (This isn’t to say you didn’t write longer, trailing sentences, which are also powerful. I was simply pleased to see how well you wrote using the dashes and shorter sentences. It was very well done and powerful, as I’ve said many times already but think it needs to be said again. XD)
The way you portray Ginny was great, in two different ways. One, I love how you showed her thoughts and feelings, and two, I love how you show the repercussions and aftereffects Riddle had on her life.
The way you showed her thoughts and feelings added a lot to the story. It made it much more powerful and made it hit closer to home. We could relate better to Ginny, know how she felt and sympathize with her. Of course, everyone does this in writing – showing thoughts and feelings, or at least, I hope they do – but you did it exceptionally well and I had to point it out.
Now. How Riddle affected her life. That was fantastic. We didn’t really see much of how her life was affected and changed by Riddle and all he had done to and with her in the books, but here you showed it realistically and poignantly. Great, great job. *rereads shamelessly*
Also, the ending? Fantastic. What can I say? It was simply my favorite part of this entire fic, and I sat there simply stunned for a few minutes, staring at it, mouth open, grinning with shock and rereading it repeatedly. Love it. I always feel endings should be powerful, and you’ve done that and then some.
I truly wish I could offer some critique (if only to say ‘I critiqued Kal! You?’ to people. XD), but I truly could not find anything. I love this fic.
'Lo there Dear.
So, I like how you've written Ginny. Her thoughts of Tom and how she felt with him and such, very nice.
"Tom Marvolo Riddle. The man behind the magical diary in which she poured her heart. The man she desperately needed, but the one who would have had no need for her save for a single chance of fate. She had craved his sympathy and consolations, and most of all, the clarity in which he simply understood her. She would talk, and he would listen, and then smile — a smile that sickened her now — and reassure her with his words. And for a while, he was everything she needed."
This was one of my favourite paragraphs. Her thoughts of Tom, how she felt as if she needed him, how she clinged to him. He sounded like a drug to tell the truth. and he was. He was addictive to her, and she was letting herself die, but she didn't exactly know it.
She seems very real and relate-able, not including the Tom ordeal. :)
"And Harry, too, was far below, stripped of his Seeker skills. The same Harry who made her blush and stutter and act like some lovesick fool — which she supposed she was anyways - and it was rather nice, having her hero around."
I liked this part how you described how she felt for Harry and how she said how she felt for him.
"But she didn’t want him here in the air, taking flight, with her. This was her domain - the realm of Queen Ginevra."
This was really a nice touch. Queen Ginevra. Very nice. Almost sounded like a smaller child there, who believed they were all Queens or Princesses. It shows the child within.
Talking about children within, Ginny seems very mature for her age. And her vocabulary... :). She is only twelve, maybe eleven I don't really know, and it seemed like she might have been reading the dictionary a couple of times.
"She was Ginny Weasley, and she could break down the door You-Know-Who had dropped in front of her. She had a life to live."
I liked this line a lot too. It shows courage, determination, things that define a Gryffindor.
The whole story seems to be like a little soul-searching thing for Ginny. She was thinking back, defining herself. I liked this story quite a bit and I think it shows the Inner Ginny well. I'm impressed. You don't really see a whole lot of Ginny POV's, especially at this age, and you managed to capture it. :D I'm Proud.
That was really good! I love how you characterised Charlie; we don't see much of him in the books. He-to quote Indigoenigma- seems really down-to-earth and responsible, and caring, as an older brother should be. I always thought Ginny was closer to Bill, but this is a refreshing change.
I have to say that the last couple sentences really did the most for me. She may not have known it then, but that day, Ginny stepped forward. "A small step — a baby step — but a step filled with confidence. A step that would see her into the sunlight."
This really shows the strength that Ginny will, in the near future, gain. The way you talk about her strength is really subtle, but really makes her characterisation perfect. it's great!
Kal, I love the way you write! I have never failed to like any of the stories you've written. =)
Oh, wow! That was brilliant!
Your characterization of Ginny was superb. I’ve never read anything that went so in depth and ended up succeeding. Ginny seemed very realistic, although her vocabulary was a bit advanced. ;)
One of the other things that I really enjoyed was Charlie. We almost never get to see him and it was an absolute joy to read his interactions with Ginny. They seemed to keep her firmly planted in what is real, instead of her imagination.
Anyways, lovely job!
What a fantastic look into Ginny's world. You did an incredible job of portraying her thoughts and feelings. No hint of the stereotypical or mundane here! She is a real person with thoughts, feelings, confusions, anger, and joy.
I have for ages wanted to find a story that depicted Ginny learning to fly/flying. The way you described it I almost felt like I was right there, watching it happen. There was something intensely feminine about your illustration of the scene. I mean this in a good way. Ginny is an entirely different person from Harry. Flying means something subtly different to her. She rockets upward like a bird or skims the grass like a butterfly... I can't do it justice. Your style was impressive. I could feel her heart throbbing as she soared away from her troubles. wow. I really can't say enough in praise of this element in your story. It makes perfect sense that she became a great Quidditch player when you see what makes her love to fly. Flying means so much to her-- of course she is good at it.
I liked her relationship with Charlie. The books give you a good idea how she feels about Bill. She looks up to him, takes his side in an argument, etc. Charlie seems to be a bit more of a buddy, but she still likes being his 'little sister.' I also liked the hints at her relationship with Ron. I can just see her playing with him as little tikes. (Fred and George had each other, so Ron and Ginny had to have been closer to each other then to their other siblings.) Her anger with him was just right. She wasn't nasty about it, just sad, hurt, and a bit bitter. Perfect. You didn't over do it. She has a temper, but she isn't vicious...
There was a haunting quality to your writing that left me speechless. Let me quote you:
"One day, she would be whole again. She would climb trees and somersault in the grass, and she would push the tumultuous past behind her. She was strong, after all. She was tough and resilient and a Gryffindor. She refused to walk on shattered glass any longer, for it was all on her shoulders from now on. Her dreams, her choices, her faults, were hers alone. She was Ginny Weasley, and she could break down the door You-Know-Who had dropped in front of her. She had a life to live."
This kind of thing is really hard to write without messing up. Most amateur authors who attempt something like this wind up with sappy yickyness. You pulled it off really well. This paragraph, and the others like it, set your story apart.
I also wanted to bring up the way you maintain Ginny's 'childishness.' I don't mean pettiness, I mean her girlish, youthful character. She has just enough of a young-adult's naivety, but she has obviously experienced evil (Tom Riddle) and been effected by it. Well done.
There is a lot more to praise in this story. I wish I could do a better job describing what I love about it.
Please write more stories.
This is excellent! I especially liked the bit with Charlie, and this bit 'She wanted everything and nothing - friendship and solitude, admiration and imagination' I loved as well. Great job!
I really like this because it puts ginny into a light we rarely see her in. generally, she is in some ship or other and we don't see her for herself. I like how you described her first year at hogwarts; I never thought of it that way. I never considered her missing her broom, or being lonely, or anything like that. I like the way you help us readers look beyond what is taken for granted about ginny.
This is amazing! It was really well written, and I had only one problem with it. Ginny acted a little young for her age, and, being near her age myself, it seemed as if she was a little too young. But perhaps if I had been through what she had, I would act a few years younger myself.
I am impressed. When you start reading this story, you immediately feel like you're in Ginny's place. Every word is perfect and carefully chosen to make the reader see what Ginny sees; feel what she feels. There is a lot of talent in this fic when it comes to emotions and describing situations.
Yet, they didn’t fall down to the grass below and leave her a smoky shadow but instead lit up the world and danced with her — danced with her until she could feel the warm beams of sunlight streaming through her skin, and she was weightless and beautiful and just Ginny again.
I particularly like this sentence because it's a great example of the perfect description.
She was a kite, buoying along in the breeze — then a bird, gliding, swerving, diving, only to shoot back up, no longer craving the solidity of earth beneath her feet.
The imagery is brilliant. What struck me here is how you illustrate every small detail to make the fic really pleasant to read.
Ron, who had betrayed her. Who had always been her best friend, even when he hated playing with a girl and would tag along after his brothers. Ron, who had found other people — better people — and no longer needed her to play chess with or make-up games where brother and sister battled giant trolls.
This made me think about it a lot. Even after I finished reading the story, I thought about how Ginny must have felt when Ron made other friends. Indeed she would have felt betrayed because suddenly Ron isn't paying nearly as much attention to her as he used to. Kudos for writing this piece.
Kal, this story is truly wonderful. Kudos to you!
I really liked the way you incorporated Ginny's experience with Tom. That's something I use in a lot of my own stories with her to give her some dimension. I would have never expected the betrayal she felt from Ron - but that worked, too. Your characterization is fluid, moving from one scene to another with barely a pause, and it's breathtaking. I'm not quite sure how I liked the slipping from present tense to a "looking back" sort of voice for the final paragraph. I think I may have liked it to just ending after the second-to-last paragraph and stay "in the moment." But regardless of that, I really, really liked it. Nice work!
P.S. This is in gratitude for my soon-to-be coming author banner! Thanks, Kal!
Okay... pretty much everything has already been said about this story, but I still feel the need to review. So here goes...
Firstly, the imagery is wonderful. I love how you have Ginny's feelings while she's flying mixed with physical descriptions of her surroundings. The bird scene is really sweet, especially since it shows that Ginny, though she has obviously grown up quite a bit since the "Tom incident," she still cares for simple things like a baby bird, and for nature and flying.
I guess that's another thing I really enjoyed: Ginny's characterization. The fact that her feelings are so confused really seemd not only Ginnyish, but also like something a youngest, only girl with six brothers would feel. The way she feels about her family is very realistic, too. I love the idea of her striking fear in her brothers' hearts by getting her mum!
The part with Charlie was very different than the rest of the fic, but fit perfectly none-the-less. It's very good, how this story is pretty much about her growing up and learning to live with the past and her own actions, and also learning how to interact with other people (besides her family and imaginary friends - loved imaginary Harry and Ron, by the way!) so she won't be lonely. Charlie kind of symbolizes that, I thought. After all, she's all alone, looking down on the world and then, when he comes into the picture, she's back "down to earth". If you know what I mean...
Anyway... great one-shot!
Author's Response: In reading your review, I think you managed to prove yourself wrong =]. Not everything that could be said was before you reviewed. What I'm talking about if, of course, this comment: Charlie kind of symbolizes that, I thought. After all, she's all alone, looking down on the world and then, when he comes into the picture, she's back "down to earth". I utterly adore your attention to detail! I vaguely tried to use Charlie as a tool, or symbol, to help Ginny realize her place, and unless I'm mistaken, you're the first to recognize that.
Thanks also for the comment about the bird incident - that was a last minute addition and I'm pleased to see it being appreciated
I'm very happy that you enjoyed the imagery and Ginny's characterization; I'm extremely pleased with the feedback it's gotten. Thanks for reviewing!!
I like your portrayal of Ginny a lot, Kal! It's rare to see such profound character development in a single chapter. Good job!
If you don't mind my suggestion, I think the fic deserves a higher rating (3rd-5th years) because of this reference: Only You-Know-Who could have carried it through without feeling a single ounce of remorse; only You-Know-Who was capable of manifesting her loneliness into isolation and forcing her to slash open her own skin and graffiti threats on the school walls.
I hope you'll understand. That's a mention of self-injury, which is not entirely canon. Ginny wrote threats on the wall with red paint (CoS).
(That was constructive criticism.)
Apart from that, great characterisation! *applause*
Author's Response: Oooh an attentive reader!! Thank you very much for your suggestion [and from now on, I shall keep in mind that actually having a copy of the book you're writing from comes in handy]. Thanks for the concrit and the compliments! I appreciate it very much!