Reviewer: Lost_Wizard
Date: 04/18/06 11:12
Chapter: Chapter One

A nice straight to the point a strong starting chapter. The content is enough for me to give you a 10 and keep on writting.

Reviewer: invisiblenudnik
Date: 03/21/06 15:04
Chapter: Chapter One

Its not a bad story line, and some of your lines were very descrptive and clever, but before you submit next time you might want to have someone look over your work. This piece had many grammer mistakes in it, and actually I'm rather suprized that the mods didn't reject it. My advice to you is to, next time, go on the forums and find a beta. They will be more than willing to look over your work and correct the mistakes you might of missed. Your stories will be twice as good once the grammer's cleaned up!

Reviewer: inhphtml
Date: 03/19/06 14:18
Chapter: Chapter One

I think it may have been better if it was longer, like a full story, but this isn't too bad.

Reviewer: Tinka Blinka
Date: 03/16/06 8:36
Chapter: Chapter One

this is really good, the start is not written the best, but i kept reading and i really like where it's heading! keep writing and i'll keep reviewing! 8/10 for a bad start (hope you don't mind the ~constructive~ criticism)

Reviewer: Tinka Blinka
Date: 03/16/06 8:36
Chapter: Chapter One

this is really good, the start is not written the best, but i kept reading and i really like where it's heading! keep writing and i'll keep reviewing! 8/10 for a bad start (hope you don't mind the ~constructive~ criticism)

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