Reviewer: Winged Artemis
Date: 02/06/07 16:31
Chapter: Girl Protests for Elf Rights

Oops! Sorry for the 222! My computer has a fetish for typing random numbers!

Excellent job, again! I'm going to go check out some of your other work as we speak! :)

Reviewer: Winged Artemis
Date: 02/06/07 16:27
Chapter: Girl Protests for Elf Rights

Hello!

I must say that I absolutely loved this story! The made up history was extremely funny and very official with the dates and locations that you'd described. The journalisticness (is that a word?) of the whole thing also was really well done. "One girl, Hermione Granger" "many ambitions", etc., which use big words and down-to the point expressions-- very well-done! You've captured the Rita Skeeter touch, and the flow of the whole thing went smoothly222!

Looking back, am surprised that this article/story/fic was not under either history or humor -- as it's very silly, but tells a lot, also, about the history of slaves; all though it may not be canon.

I would have loved to have seen this signed by someone, maybe making up a reporter's name -- but oh well. Not a biggie.

I didn't catch many grammatical errors, but one thing that did have me going "hmmmm" was that Hermione is sixteen. Not only was this during the entire dilly-dally run-in with the ministry, but also, I'm not sure if the paper would give such an article to an underage witch at such a time when they thought she was such a liar about the whole Ministry-hearing thing.

But that's just if you were going by canon, and I'm not sure if you were. And hey, if everyone went by canon, how many great stories like this would there be?

Hannah
Knight of the Turnip Table

Reviewer: the nutty imp
Date: 04/28/06 8:30
Chapter: Girl Protests for Elf Rights

Nit-pick first ^_^

A slight correction, it's House-elf or House-elves.

he was referring to Ronald Weasley, who works for S.P.E.W.

I don't think it should be 'works for' - maybe 'a founding member of S.P.E.W.' instead?

These are a lot of ambitions for such a young whitch - slight typo. It's witch.

That's the end of my nit-picking ^_^

You have a great imagination to have come up with such details about the history of certain wizarding practices with the elves.

This is a well written and extremely informative journalistic piece. It gives us all the details and connects the past history to the present well.

Author's Response: Well, I am happy you liked it. I will fix those typos when I get a chance. I like to think that I have a good imagination, and I am happy you agree. Thanks a ton! Avenger

Reviewer: Lilypudding
Date: 03/25/06 8:48
Chapter: Girl Protests for Elf Rights

I like this story a lot ;). I was thinking about writing a story for the challenge, but I couldn't think of an idea. This was a very clever idea, first of all. I work for my school paper, and recently we had a talk about the leads. I think you had a great lead, first and foremost. It really drew me in, because it was like reading the paper. However, I think that there were too many big, long paragraphs in the story. Most newspaper articles consist of big long paragraphs, bursting with information, framed with smaller paragraphs easier on the eyes. I suggest, for example, in the first paragraph, you throw on a closing sentence after mentioned SPEW, and then providing a detailed back story. I like how you gave a lot of information. Should this have been a real article, it would have been obvious how much research you have done. Instead, I can see you used the greatest research of all- imagination.

Author's Response: Thanks for your review. I kind of like to write big paragraphs though... dont knopw why. Thanks a ton... ~aveger~

Reviewer: Marauder by Midnight
Date: 03/23/06 19:40
Chapter: Girl Protests for Elf Rights

Your story made me smile throughout the entire article. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I'd like to congratulate you for such a creative idea. I can see this article published in the Daily Prophet, perhaps written by the one who would out-famous Rita Skeeter.

I enjoyed your wit and humor that you incorporated cleverly into your writing. It kept your article from "drying up," so to speak, and kept me on edge.

I would've enjoyed your story more if you'd used more people to interview. For example, I'm interested in what Ron and Harry have to say for their friend's project. Sure, we know how they feel, but what would they say to a news reporter, especially if they hurt Hermione's feelings. Perhaps Hagrid or Dumbledore's point of view would've been nice as well.

Other than a few grammar and punctuation mistakes, your writing was flawless. Wonderfully done!

-Bethany

Author's Response: Thanks a lot for this MbM. I understand what you are saying about more characters, but that would have taken A) more time and B) more ideas... I didn't have niether :) Thanks for the review, and I am happy you liked it. ~avenger~

Reviewer: Blossomlily
Date: 03/22/06 22:52
Chapter: Girl Protests for Elf Rights

I really enjoyed this story! It sounded just like a newspaper article, and that might be difficult sometimes (for me). I really liked even the little quotes of Hermione. It was very well-written- particularly the few lines in the beginning. The bit about the history of house-elf enslavement was very interesting, especially the way you explained how the elfs had to have work without clothes or unemployment with clothes. I do have a tiny error to point out - hope you don't mind. "These are a lot of ambitions for such a young whitch, but with a lot of hard work.." that should be spelled 'witch'. A great job on the whole. Good luck! (or is the contest over?) Do write more! ~bL

Author's Response: Thanks a ton. Someone ells told be about that mistake also. I will fix it ASAP. I am happy that you liked my fic. Yes, the contest is over, and I placed second.

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