Reviews For Bedtime
Reviewer: mugglegurl
Date: 07/25/07 20:58
Chapter: A Story

I'm speechless. Really. It's been a long time since I read a really good story, one that I have absolutely no critique for. I can see why this story, of all you others (I've seen you're list, dear, and you do have an awful lot to choose from when selecting one to feature) has been featured. The narration, the dialogue . . . it all adds up to one amazing story. Three cheers for you!

Reviewer: this_is_mau
Date: 07/25/07 20:52
Chapter: A Story

wow that was really good it made me laugh!

Reviewer: FounderDisagreement
Date: 07/24/07 22:31
Chapter: A Story

I love Draco the five-year-old! He's so cute and demanding! I don't get why people don't write about HP charries when they're kids. It's so fun to read!
-Panda

Reviewer: Crows
Date: 07/24/07 19:57
Chapter: A Story

Aaaaaw, Sevvy seems to care!

Reviewer: potterscouse
Date: 07/24/07 16:40
Chapter: A Story

this was very different from anything else i've read but i liked it and it worked and flowed well. i also liked the pov you were coming from and to me it seemed to give the story a real and sinister effect, even over something like a bedtime story, ok its to malfoy fair enough. lol its gudgud

Reviewer: SlytherinBlood
Date: 06/16/07 9:25
Chapter: A Story

There is nothing for it but to sit on the bed and begin, and hope that the sentence finds its own ending. “Once upon a time…”

“I’ve heard that one.”

Interrupting little monkey. “There was once an old…”

“I’ve heard that one too.”

HAHA! A really nice entertaining story, I enjoyed every sentence. you seem very keen on telling storys with topics far from what people might expect authors to write about. but I like that you often choose to tell about the small things in the everyday life. great job

Reviewer: AurorGirl101
Date: 05/10/07 13:17
Chapter: A Story

That certainly was amusing. I liked the beging. You would think that would be a comfortable position. I liked the way this was written, sort of narrated, but sort of told from Snape's POV. Little!Draco is cute! How he already calls Snape 'Professor', and Crabbe and Goyle already being henchmen. Very nice job!

Author's Response: Thanks! The sneaky second-person-limited (for want of a better name for it) was fun, and just drifted in. So did brat!Draco.

Reviewer: kehribar
Date: 01/17/07 13:43
Chapter: A Story

(Now that I re-read my review, that "poke Draco in the head" part seemed a bit weird. Um, I really am not sure if it sounds like an insult or simply sounds rude, but in that case, it is never ever my intend. Please accept my apologies.)

Author's Response: Eh. Draco could use a few pokes in the head. Accepted, of course!

Reviewer: kehribar
Date: 01/17/07 13:38
Chapter: A Story

This was surely amusing, VV. The whole story was like a harsh poke to Draco in the head. And it is such a perfect example to show that second person PoV can be really interesting when the author manages to pull it off. But that sparks more questions about the issue.
*runs off the edit her post in the forums with more questions*

I have a question, though. What is that graveyard Snape tells Draco about? I can't remember a graveyard on school grounds... or did you just come up with it? I'm just curious.

Oh and I'd be flattered if, by any chance, you'd come across my second person PoV one-shot which is now in queue.

Author's Response: The graveyard was mentioned in an interview with Rowling, though I can't for the life of me remember where. It made such a nice Draco-scaring detail that it just had to come in. I've added little things to the Hogwarts geography myself now and then, but that one is genuinely not mine.

Thanks for the review! I hadn't really meant to self-promote on the forums like that. The forums actually spawned the story in the first place. Somebody said, "I'd like to see more fics in second-person," and suddenly there I was trying it.

*scurries back to third-person-cozily-limited*

Reviewer: Valentinia
Date: 12/29/06 19:38
Chapter: A Story

Though the persona of this kind of confused me (at the beginning "you" seems to refer to the reader at the end to Severus...) but I'm guessing that's just me.
Otherwise, I quite enjoyed the story. The relationship between the Malfoys and Severus is very interesting. The elder two order him around, while the younger does the same and still sort of looks up to him. Very well portrayed! A good one-shot!

Author's Response: Thanks! The 'you' is a distancing tactic for the narrator; it's supposed to slide a little as he's thawing to his subject, so it sounds like that actually worked pretty well. I wondered what sort of relationship Draco and his father's 'oldest and dearest friend' could have had, and suddenly this story popped in.

Author's Response: Thanks! The 'you' is a distancing tactic for the narrator; it's supposed to slide a little as he's thawing to his subject, so it sounds like that actually worked pretty well. I wondered what sort of relationship Draco and his father's 'oldest and dearest friend' could have had, and suddenly this story popped in.

Reviewer: whittyleah
Date: 11/30/06 20:55
Chapter: A Story

I enjoyed this very much! You characterized young Draco and godfather Severus nicely. I liked the banter between them; it mirrored their relationship later on in life, I think. I don’t have anything bad to say about this story. I really did enjoy it! I am taking a break from school work and stumbled upon this, and I couldn’t be happier that I did!

You made Draco just enough of a brat without making him too obnoxious, I liked that. Severus’ thoughts about putting Draco to bed were very much like him and something I could hear him thinking.

I loved how, in the end, you gave Severus something for him to connect to Draco with. ‘You might, once, when small, have been afraid. Not afraid of, but just afraid.’ I really like this line and how it ties them together.

Overall, amazing! I can’t wait to read more from you!

~Leah

Author's Response: Darn it, the thing ate my reply. Anyway -- thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed this little study break, since oddly enough that's what I did to write it, too. There's just something about graduate programs...

The other fic with Draco and Severus in it is "Discovering the Bible..." if you were interested in seeing more of their connections and hostilities. It's a different sort of story, immediately post-HBP.

Reviewer: GreyLady
Date: 11/24/06 12:59
Chapter: A Story

This really is a cute story, but I can't help feel that there's a little bit of a sad tinge to it as well. That can be attributed to my ever-present tragic sense of life (*cough*), but I think there's something there besides that. The fact that Snape feels a measure of fondness for Draco even while the boy treats him rather trashily is pitiable. Poor man--does anything ever go completely right for him?

The style of narration is curious, to say the least. It gives this entire one-shot a very uncertain feel. Almost like Severus is trying to deny that he would ever do something like this and show such kindness to Draco. I like it; callmehermione is right, it really does draw the reader in.

I don't really have much else to say, as I haven't found any errors whatsoever. The choice of stories that Severus told Draco were great, and the characteriztions stunning. young!Draco meshes perfectly with what we know of his older counterpart, and Severus is love, as usual. Lovely work, VV.

--The Order of Ravenclaw House Elves

=)


Author's Response: I don't think I could write a cute story without a little darkness in it too, at least not on purpose. Truth is, this was bunnied at least in part by a discussion on the old boards about why nobody wrote in second person. It made me want to try one. The answer is, it's difficult, and you need a certain sort of scenario for it, but it's very much worth trying sometime. /Duelling Club answer

Thanks for the review, o ye of the Ravenclaw House Elves! Delightful as always. (And yes, if something is going right that's just not quite Severus.)

Reviewer: callmehermione
Date: 11/23/06 2:34
Chapter: A Story

I like the way you began the story with a conditional. 'Might' arouses the curiosity of the reader, and the examples that follow are helpful for visualisation of what you're going to discuss in the rest of the story.

You would be correct in that assumption, as far as that goes. Do you want to use 'that' twice again here, even though you used it in the previous sentence? It might be easier to say 'You would be correct in your assumption, as far as it goes.'

The continuation of the second-person phrases is lovely. Like I said, it gives the reader an unexpected connection to the characters and their story.

The insights Severus provides into the Malfoy tradition and the differences and similarities between Lucius and Narcissa add a background to the story based on what Severus has seen working in their household.

The boy folds himself beside the bed I love the imagery of this phrase, and the ones following, to describe the traditional task of prayergiving. The commentary, too, on Draco's words and actions, is wonderful.

you know that as well as anyone I like this assumption that the audience knows something about your story, too. It's perfect for fanfiction, I think.

The last bit is a nice finish, the sudden flash of sympathy. By simply telling a hypothetical story, you've managed to explore the emotions of both Severus and the Malfoys, at the same time as you made it as though the reader was taking part in the story. Delightful job, VV!

Author's Response: Eew. You're quite right about the two 'that's' and the second should be an 'it.' Thanks!

You have a good eye for the little tricks I was trying out here: the conditional, the second-person -- sounds like they worked for that sense of connection to two characters that perhaps not everyone connects with.

As always, I'm delighted to have a review from you! Thanks again!

Reviewer: weasleybabe24
Date: 10/28/06 16:22
Chapter: A Story

I still giggle like a silly little kid when I think of Snape telling oh so-oober cute Draco his bedtime story. What a perfect ending to yet another brilliant portrayal of dear Severus. What a conversation starter that would be at school... =D

Author's Response: And what an awkward conversation that could become for the professor... This is another story I thoroughly enjoyed writing, bunnied by Draco's question about the Forbidden Forest -- "Aren't there werewolves in there?" or something like that. Now, who would have gone and told him that? Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: MaiaMadness
Date: 07/29/06 7:20
Chapter: A Story

Well, I do love reviewing your stories as well; you give good replies and you'ree an intelligent person; I'd say we both get something from this.

It is something funny there. I don't like Lucius either, but I love writing him. There's something about writing someone who's so purely evil... And not in the way Voldemort is. He's evil and twisted and angry, and really somewhat of a destroyed person. No, Lucius is evil in the bureaucratic sense of the word. Evil politician. Vile. Intelligent. Very intelligent, and manipulative. He knows how to get exactly what he wants. Really scary character. But fun to write, lol.

I'll stop spamming your review page now. =)

Author's Response: Well, as I've been discussing in about fifteen different places, a good plot needs conflict, and Lucius seems to create plenty of it. Maybe that's why he brings in the bunnies. What he wants is going to be something that someone else doesn't want him to have.

And a little spam never hurt anyone, right?

Reviewer: MaiaMadness
Date: 07/27/06 5:54
Chapter: A Story

I have a very apropriate word for this story: Aww! The idea of a little, scared Draco just makes my heart ache, know what I mean? I also think it's very beautifully written. And you can tell that despite thinking Draco is a spoiled, mean brat (which, naturally, he is), Severus is in his way rather fond of the boy. The characterisations are beautiful, but then again, I have always admired you for characterisation. You do it so well.

You might not stop to consider that if Lucius Malfoy makes a request of his closest friend, the correct answer, no matter how odious the task, is “Of course, Lucius.”

Says so much about Lucius, just that one paragraph. Lucius is the only character in the Potterverse whom I really don't think there's any underlying goodness to. Deep down, he's really shallow, and he really is really nasty. Gotta love him, don't you?

What else...? Well, good work in general, sweet story, cute Draco and wonderful characterisation about sums it up, so keep on writing! :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I like getting reviews from you; they're always so nice and rich. I don't like Lucius -- I mean, I really don't like Lucius. And yet here he keeps popping up in my stories, when I also don't like writing people I don't like. Pesky man.

Reviewer: Sly Severus
Date: 06/28/06 19:34
Chapter: A Story

Well done. I assumed Snape was around Draco when he was growing up, but I could never really decide how they would have interacted with each other. This was an interesting take on that.

Author's Response: I'd wondered too, and as I'd written Severus so far, there were extra twists and problems for the relationship. He never can do things the easy way. Thanks for the review!

Reviewer: x_lily_evans_x
Date: 06/15/06 9:10
Chapter: A Story

It's very very interesting and it has some humour in it too. I enjoyed it very much. (:

Author's Response: Thanks! I had fun trying to imagine what it would mean to be an old friend of the Malfoys.

Reviewer: G_A_Potter
Date: 06/12/06 2:48
Chapter: A Story

Well written and compelling, if in a limited scope. A good start to a larger story. Too bad it's a one shot. Or is it???

Yours,
Godric

Author's Response: It is indeed a one-shot, but it fits into lots of other things. Thanks for the review! It rather made my morning.

Reviewer: jeudi
Date: 06/07/06 9:35
Chapter: A Story

I like the allusion most. (Is that how you spell allusion?) Well, whatever, I mean the refrences to other great stories. I especially like Severus being familar with Edgar Allen Poe. I like the ending too, Draco reminding Severus of himself.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Severus seemed the type to memorize poems. Plus, of course, Poe and Homer are just hopeless bedtime stories, unless you want the kid to dream battles and ravens all night. *giggle* Severus can't always distance himself from Draco, no matter how much he might resent his role in the Malfoy household. I started writing this just by wondering what their relationship had to be. Probably any relationship with a Slytherin or two in it will be rather complicated, regardless of their ages.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Severus seemed the type to memorize poems. Plus, of course, Poe and Homer are just hopeless bedtime stories, unless you want the kid to dream battles and ravens all night. *giggle* Severus can't always distance himself from Draco, no matter how much he might resent his role in the Malfoy household. I started writing this just by wondering what their relationship had to be. Probably any relationship with a Slytherin or two in it will be rather complicated, regardless of their ages.

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