I must admit, Delaney, that I started reading your story only because it seemed kind of short and I needed to get my reviews *cough* started. But really, your characters pulled me in. You captured the effect others can have on each other so well. Also, you have this gift of being able to put in these "outside factors" into your descriptions, such as the beginning of the falling rain, that really add to the mood.
The castle hadn’t barred itself against me, so my purpose hhere couldn’t be simply to find a story.
Just a little typo on "here".
You really have an interesting style of writing, Delaney. I think it's so cool that you can incorporate things like colons into your story without making them feel like an impersonal delivering of facts, like what seems to happen with me. You also use a nice mixture of semicolons and dashes, which I also find difficult, but that's maybe because I have a fondness for semicolons.
I already said something briefly on your characterization, but I wanted to say again how well I thought you conveyed the genuine emotions between two people, especially those who have never met. Somehow, you managed to create a bond between Gemma and Ginny. You gave them both these weakness that lead them to open up-- Ginny being vulnerable from her encounter with Tom Riddle, and maybe Gemma still being nervous about her starting career. Gemma also had this great empathy about her character. Her character could have come across like a stone-cold journalist, but she was touched by Ginny's situation. It made her very relatable.
Anyways, Delaney, I think I've gone on long enough. I really enjoyed your story and your writing style; I always find it exciting when authors use unique punctuation. :D
OMG!! That is such a good story :P
OMG!! That is such a good story :P
Slight typo on the last paragraph: Ginny sighed and closed her eyes.
First of all the title is what attracted me. It has a degree of mystique and slight darkness to it that's hard to resist, and the way you began this story kept up with my expectation.
Ginny's open confession to Gemma is a surprise though, I wouldn't think anyone would be so open to a stranger especially a reporter, then again after what's she's been through, she's likely want to have someone to talk to. You conveyed Ginny's feeling extremely well - showed that she was very much a victim of all this. That line “I can’t miss his comfort,”she went on, her eyes leaking tears of exhaustion and grief as her words became hoarse. “I won’t. He doesn’t deserve that.” She blinked slowly, and the tears trickled down to the pillow underneath her head. -- This somehow showed in so few words the conflicts and struggle of a victim.
Ending the story with Ginny's tears and the rain somehow rounds everything out well. Makes it all the more dramatic and beautiful.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review, dear SPEW buddy!
I was attracted to this story because of the name. If I recall correctly it is the name of the song in Les Miserables when Eponine dies. When I began the story, I thought that you didn’t use the premise at all but at the ending it became clear to me that the stories are very much alike. Eponine’s and Ginny’s that is…or as you quite truthfully point out, everyone’s.
The heart of this story is beautiful, the ending is simply elegant. I love a good fanfiction story with a moral, it makes me smile. It also shows great talent as a writer, that you can use fanfiction characters that people read about again and again and make them more relatable and real. It’s refreshing to see a moral everyone can relate to.
It was something everyone could need to feel. To do well at life and all its requirements–it was what we all wanted.
That line was absolutely poetic and beautiful and true and relatable and perfect! If there was nothing else good in this story, it would be worth it because of that line!
As far as your characters are concerned, I very much enjoyed reading a first person OC it was nice being able to see things from an OC’s point of view. And the whole journalism spin was a nice prompt, it made things interesting. Gemma was a new journalist, and as far as I’m concerned she would probably be a great one. She knows there is a story to cover and so she can’t be overly sympathetic and miss out on the story but at the same time she feels very deeply for Ginny and so we feel for her as well. Very nicely done. My only complaint with characterization would be that Ginny acted a little old for her age at times, I’ll give you an example below.
The castle hadn’t barred itself against me, so my purpose hhere couldn’t be simply to find a story. I had to be doing something useful.
You doubled the “h” on here.
“The fist*** thing everyone needs to know about what’s gone on here,” she began resignedly, “is that I never meant to hurt anyone. I found a friend in Tom Riddle, and I thought I could trust him. I really did. I didn’t even know what was happening to me.”
You need an “r” in the word “first” at the beginning of the sentence. This was also one of the spots that Ginny felt very adult and not like a child who had just been accosted by Voldemort. I realize she has kind of sobered up from the incident but I think she would still be a little hesitant talking about it. She seems very prepared for this interview, not stumbling over words. She very clearly claims innocence and seems unfazed. Though I did like the part when Ginny mentioned being able to see Gemma’s brain, that was very in character I thought.
“I can’t miss his comfort,” she went on, her eyes leaking tears of exhaustion and grief as her words became hoarse. “I won’t. He doesn’t deserve that.” She blinked slowly, and the tears trickled down to the pillow underneath her head.
This part is so good! This is very in character for a confused, tired eleven-year-old girl. My heart breaks because I know what that feels like and so many people do, so it really is moving.
Ginny siged*** and closed her eyes.
Here is just another little typo. You need an “h” in “sighed”.
Your allusion with the rain was pleasantly adorned in the story. You didn’t beat us over the head with your metaphor and it added a nice touch to the story. It also made a very clean conclusion.
Nice job! It was a pleasant read.
Author's Response: I hadn't responded yet because I wanted to remember to come back and make some corrections and adaptations, but trust me, when I first read your review I was squeeing myself to death. I love good reviews, and your advice made this one excellent. Thank you!
A fluffy black quoting quill? But hamsters don't have feathers! Squeak Squeak Squeak! Welcome to SPEW!
Author's Response: No, hamsters don't have feathers, but.. wait, what? *giggles*
I can't believe that only Lys commented on this. It was really great! I read the challenge and I think that this is a fantastic response.
You have shown us that reporters are people too, they have feelings and they can be out there to get to know the people and people's stories. Not everyone of them needs to be Rita Skeeter (and I think that she started out like that, she was interested in people).
I was really touched by the end.
“I want to leave him behind,” she murmured.
This was very powerful, I think. And Ginny's remark that she could see where Gemma kept her brain, well, it was brilliant to say in this situation.
Author's Response: Thank you! Well, yes, I'm a journalist, and I'm not evil! Well, not all the time. I'm glad you liked it.. and I think Ginny would identify Gemma's brain to assure herself she could trust her. Thanks for reviewing and picking up on all of that!
Firstly, dear, I love the title. Hooray for Les Mis wonderfulness! Now. On to a review. You did a fabulous job with this! One of the parts that struck me the most was when you described Ginny in the hospital when Gemma (which is one of my favorite names, by the way) first sees her. It just seemed so apt. Let's see. Oh! Towards the end when she was talking about how she won't give him the satisfaction of missing his comfort...it was amazing. The whole end of the interview, I guess. I had tears in my eyes. And how you equated Ginny's struggle to something that everyone else goes through! Wow. I really loved it, my dear. Well done!
Author's Response: Thank you for this excellent review! You should be in SPEW or something. I drew the bit about satisfaction from the DT, but this time, she doesn't give it to him. Thank you..again!