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Reviews For Prisoner 21431199

Name: marauderbabe (Signed) · Date: 02/27/08 15:20 · For: Part I
This is a really good story, nice because even though it shows the hopelessness of Snuffles, it also shows his sudden *revival* due to having a cause. It shows Sirius' character really well, because Sirius is one of those people who always needs a cause. However, wasn't it said in the fourth book that Sirius didn't have a trial? What was that scene with Crouch, then? This is a really good fic, though, overall - the present tense is definitely a nice touch. Nice job!

Name: megan_lupin (Signed) · Date: 10/02/07 1:21 · For: Part I
Gah, first off, let me say that I've had this one-shot in my favourites for lord knows how long, but never seemed to review -- and I've even read it multiple times. (But I'm always so *very* bad when it comes to leaving a review.)

Anyway, here's one for all the times that I've read this story, yet never managed a review. (And please forgive me if it sounds slightly disjointed, as I'm typing most of it up as I read through the fic.)

Firstly, I'll say that the very beginning is nice. The sort of general emotion in it, it almost seems mundane, in a way -- the guard's actions being robotic, really, and it's like nothing out of the ordinary.

I also like the way it's told in present tense, personally. Normally, I'm not a huge fan of it (as I've seen it done poorly one too many times), but you pull it off very well here. It makes the piece even stronger, in my opinion, and I don't think past tense would have worked half as well with this fic as the present tense does.

In that life he had been Sirius Black; now he was only prisoner twenty-one, forty-three, eleven, ninety-nine. Very good line, here. There's a level of hopelessness, I guess, in it, and for so short a line in the fic, there's a good deal of power behind it, in terms of a loss of identity, really. *Hopes that makes sense*

But the memories flee like water in cupped hands. The image that this line produces is great, as well. I just really like the imagery here, and equating memories to water is interesting; it works well.

James’ glasses were lying smashed beside him. I like this, because the glasses seem like such a small detail, yet it's something that he remembers. People do that all the time, in terms of remembering those minor details to things.

Remus, eyes sought out in the crowd surrounding him and Peter, in the hope that he, at least would believe him. That look, of utter disappointment, of sorrow, disbelief, and hatred at what he, Sirius, was supposed to have done. This, too, is a great image/emotional scene. It has that one-last-hope-is-dashed feeling to it, if that makes sense. And the fact that, at this point, Remus is that last one who could/would believe him, and Sirius sees it destroyed; it's just an emotional image, I think.

I like your bit on Peter here, too. Sirius's views here are sort of the way that I've always felt he viewed the relationship of the Marauders, and with Peter as well. I can easily see him thinking that it had to be a joke, that what happened *couldn't* be real.

Adding in the bit about Peter pelting the others with snowballs was a nice touch, too.

How could anyone believe that he had killed James? I like this, just because it's the one, main question that I, myself, have always had about the whole thing. *What* happened to make everyone think that Sirius would betray James? It's like no one questioned the matter, no one looked for something that they might have been missing, and I've just always wondered *why* they didn't.

He stopped counting the days months ago. This line, too, reflects a sense of hopelessness, a sense of loss, if you will, and I think it really helps to capture Sirius's emotion and character very well during this time. Too many fics don't show this part of him -- It's almost like they'll write Azkaban as not really affecting Sirius much at all, but a line like this shows the descent into that area, shows that Sirius didn't just immediately fight off the Dementors' effects and cling to innocence. It's a good thing, I think, to show this side of him.

Sometimes he wonders if he is losing his mind. Same thing with what I said about the previous line. That descent into hopelessness, that wondering of sanity/insanity, etc. works really well in this fic.

I like the way the fic is divided in by the repeating numbers, and that the numbers *are* the "21431199". It, like the hopelessness and whatnot, help to show that level of emotion, that slipping further and further from his past, if you will.

Sirius had been vain about his hair. Snuffles doesn’t care. It seems you were going for portraying a sense of losing identity, a separation from the past. You're really achieving these levels here, I think, and hitting Sirius's character perfectly.

They used to bother Sirius though. Again, that separation, that idea that Sirius is the past identity, Snuffles (or Prisoner 21431199) is the present identity. Like I said earlier, I really think it works well, extraordinarily well.

Ah, I do like the fact that Fudge confered "with the assistant" before giving Sirius the paper. It's a bit of humour in this story, and it's just something that seems *so* Fudge-like.

The only thing that doesn't seem to work as well is Fudge's attitude. I guess he just seems a little *too* jovial, a little *too* light-hearted, for being in Azkaban. At the very least, I'd just see him being a bit more drawn, as well as a bit more distant (or even slightly cold) in talking to Sirius. After all, to the entire world, Sirius is nothing but a mass murderer and right-hand of Voldemort. I just don't see Fudge speaking as lightly or civily with him, but that's just my opinion.

For the first time in twelve years, Sirius felt alive. The reverting back to "Sirius" here after using "Snuffles" is a nice way to show the change in his character, in my opinion. It's a good way to show the 'prisoner' part of him being suppressed by that of his old self, the 'Sirius' part of him, the part from his past, if you will.

Perhaps he will think it over for another day or so. I like this line, showing a bit of hesitancy in Sirius. Too many writers just want to make the whole 'escape' thing as easy as possible, and don't work through emotions to this degree, but having Sirius hesitate for a bit makes it all the more *real*, makes his character all the more *human*, if you know what I mean.

Your description of his escape, especially the paragraph where Sirius finally gets outside and his senses become overwhelmed with everything, is just wonderful! Using words like "alive" and "heaven" to describe it give a clear separation from those words generally used to describe Azkaban, that of "death" and "hell", mainly. It was a nice thing to use their opposites, I think.

I also love the point when the memories return. You wrote it in such a way that makes it sort of emotional, in a way, and it just makes the reader give a cheer when that moment of happiness, of relief, of freedom comes, if you will.

But, perhaps one of my favourite lines throughout the whole fic is that ending statement:

Sirius is alive once more, prisoner twenty-one, forty-three, eleven, ninety-nine left behind in the foaming surf.

I think this line works perfectly, not just in the story, but is a GREAT way to end the piece. All through the fic, there were those moments with losing the identity; things like "Snuffles" or "Prisoner 21431199" replacing that of "Sirius". Those things were like a running theme throughout the story, and to end it with a line like this, with the 'return' of "Sirius", is just brilliant.

Now, since I wanted to make this a bit more rounded, there are a few nit-picky things that I noticed:

watching at the light through his small window I think the "at" should be "as" here.

laughs at the sheer insanity of it all, A bit nit-picky, perhaps, but I wouldn't have used "insanity of it all" so soon after using it in the previous paragraph. Just stopping with "insanity" or something perhaps would have worked better, in my opinion.

forgotten corner of his mind Again, a bit nit-picky, but the repeated use of "mind" after using it at the beginning of the sentence, just a few words back, isn't really needed. Something like "head" might have worked better, just so as to change it up.

the same small cell for the past twelve, Um, do you mean to have a "years" after the word, "twelve" in here?

Yes, some are typos, of course, but the beta in me just couldn't let these pass without mentioning them ;) .

Like I've mentioned repeatedly, though, I love this story, and it remains to be one of my favourites! The writing is absolutely superb (and I'm jealous at times with it), and your characterisation of Sirius is just great, without question. You seemed to hit all the aspects of his personality in terms of portraying him at this moment in his life, and I applaud you on that.

Well, I hope this (lengthy) review is enough for all the times that I (forgot) to review this fic!


Name: jojo_dolphin2394 (Signed) · Date: 06/23/07 8:23 · For: Part I
I really like this one-hot, it is unlike any I've ever read before. It is unique because it is written in the resent tense and not the past, but hangs on to fanfiction because of it's balance. I think the title is great and also unique. I like the story becuase it is original. it's sad, but then the later years of Siruis Black are sad. Not a happy story, but not a bad one either.

Posted by jojo_dolphin2394 (Forums) for Lily Evans Banner 2 in BA Auction.

Name: remilupin (Signed) · Date: 05/28/07 10:31 · For: Part I
Brilliant! It was riveting. I couldn't stop reading (even to refill my fup of tea).
I loved that the reader really feels Sirius's struggle - he knows he must leave to sasve Harry, but how? I loved how you showed how Sirius starts feeling huma/aliven again - when he reches the ocean, when he sees land, when he reaches it.
Can't wait to read more chapters!

Name: Mind Games (Signed) · Date: 01/20/07 15:34 · For: Part I
This is a very well-written and powerful piece of fanfiction. I am thoroughly impressed by your skills. The way you wrote the effects of Azkaban was very thought provoking and perfectly eerie. Throughout the story, we can see how much it affects Sirius’ looks and mental state. You are also very good at writing in present tense, which is a hard thing to do.

In that life he had been Sirius Black; now he was only prisoner twenty-one, forty-three, eleven, ninety-nine.

This was a great line. It really shows how much this new lifestyle had changed him. He is no longer Sirius. Instead, he has a new identity to go with his new life.

Remus, eyes sought out in the crowd surrounding him and Peter, in the hope that he, at least would believe him. That look, of utter disappointment, of sorrow, disbelief, and hatred at what he, Sirius, was supposed to have done.

I wanted to cry when I read this. You show just how hard it was to see not only his friends dead, but then that last look at Remus. Sirius’ last pleading look towards Remus, only to be returned with that doubt and disgust from the only friend he had left.

On these sorts of days he can remember more easily, and sometimes it almost seems as if he is Sirius again, instead of prisoner twenty-one, forty-three, eleven, ninety-nine.

This was powerful. He has lost his old identity, yet he can still see it sometimes. When he looks to the bright, blue sky he knows it is there.

“Ahh, Sirius Black! And how are you?” Cornelius Fudge peers through the slits in the door at him.

This seemed just a bit too friendly and cheerful. Cornelius Fudge was in Azkaban, so I doubt he would be in such a good mood. I think he would be more solemn and formal when speaking with the prisoners.

Perhaps it is as a result of living in the same small cell for the past twelve, but he isn’t exactly excited at the prospect of swimming across part of a freezing cold sea.

I would add ‘years’ after twelve here. I’m assuming you meant to, but accidentally forgot.

I really loved this. It is so poignant and powerful. I’ve seen this type of story written before, but never this well. I can see how much work went into this, and it is brilliant. You took a canon event and added your own ideas to it. Well done!

Author's Response: Yay, thanks for the long review! I had some trouble with Fudge's character like you noticed, because I wasn't sure how he'd react. Most characters I can pinpoint, but I've never dwelled too much on Fudge, and it shows. And yes, I obviously did forget "years" there. Thanks!

Name: pheonixflame (Signed) · Date: 01/20/07 14:14 · For: Part I
Still many thankies and huggles for the banner; I love it! Sorry for reviewing so late, I've been busy and stuff. *shakes head* Anyway...

Gosh, I really like this story.

I think it's absolutely wonderful how you repeat his number over and over, and how it symbolizes his prisoner self, and that he's not Sirius Black anymore.

Oh, but I did notice that instead of a period in the first sentence, it should be a comma, because you say the official is reading the number. ;)

And Lily wouldn't be in a pool of blood, would she, since the AK doesn't leave a mark, unless of course, you had Voldemort torture her first... (Sorry, this is just my beta side coming on. *laughs* )

The memories are fewer and fewer, slowly replacing themselves with a constant barrage of everything he has ever tried to forget. Mostly though, it is the few last memories that haunt him the most. Sirius reminds himself that it was not his fault, that he is innocent.

Sometimes he wonders if he is losing his mind.

I feel this is a very powerful few lines. It captures how he remained sane, really, with the thoughts of being innocent. Yet, while it keeps him sane, he thinks he's going insane.. Funny how that works.

Snuffles curls up in the patch of sun and dreams of chasing rabbits in warm fields, his nose twitching slightly as he sleeps.

For some reason, I find this adorable. To think that, being an Animagus - an illegal one at that - could save you. So technically, if someone went to Azkaban for being an illegal Animagus, wouldn't they stay mentally intact because they could change at will? And if they could turn into a bug or something, like Rita Skeeter, wouldn't it be insanely easy to escape? Haha, that's kinda cool.

The Minister seems a bit surprised by this statement. Snuffles realizes that he has probably been greeted by blank stares or screams at every other cell.

“Well, good then.” He turns to go, and Snuffles is struck by a sudden thought.

“Er, Minister, are you done with your paper?” Fudge stops and looks curiously at him. “I miss doing the crossword.” He finishes lamely. The Minister turns and confers with the assistant before speaking to him.

I love this. I particularly liked reading the line where the Minister isn't used to having a prisoner reply. Fudge should have known right then and there that Sirius was sane and fine - well, as "fine" as you can be in Azkaban.

The next day, he begins pacing his cell as he considered the situation. It felt decidedly odd to be doing something like this, for someone who had spent the last ten years in a haze, but it was something that needed to be done. For the first time in twelve years, Sirius felt alive. For the first time, he had a purpose. He knows that he needs to do something, but he isn’t sure what.

I like this because it shows Sirius' loyalty and love for his godson, even if he's never really known him.

Admittedly, as much as he wants to protect Harry, and as much as he owes it to James to ensure that Pettigrew isn’t able to complete what he started, he is afraid.

This line also shows Sirius' dedication to his best friend. I also like it because it shows he is actually scared. Because he is afraid, it shows the way he wants everything to go right, and this leads back to his loyalty to James, once again.

Okay, okay, last one, I promise. :)

Sirius is alive once more, prisoner twenty-one, forty-three, eleven, ninety-nine left behind in the foaming surf.

Once again, the symbolism of the number 21431199 and how he leaves it behind in the sea, as if washing it off.

I tip my hat off to you for this writing. 'Tis marvelous, and this story will definitely go on my favorites. I'll be off to read your other stories soon! :)


Author's Response: I don't mind, a review is a review and late or not makes me happy. I've been debating on whether or not I should leave it a period or make it a comma, because I wanted to create kind of a detached sense, like it's not really normal conversation but something that he's hearing through his shock because he's still dealing with his friends' betrayals and deaths. And no, Lily isn't actually in a pool of blood, it's her hair streaming about her that creates the effect, so he thinks that it looks like she's lying in a pool of blood. And thanks again for the review because really long ones like yours are wonderful because they actually highlight the good and bad parts of the story instead of just saying they liked it.

Name: Gin_PotterGirl (Signed) · Date: 01/01/07 18:26 · For: Part I
Wow! This story was very nice. I loved how you showed time passed when you inserted all of those numbers.

I don't know if you metion this, but who is telling this story? Is it one of the Marauders? Or am I just totally missing something?

My favourite part of this story is when Fudge is talking with Sirius. It shows that Sirius doesn't really mind being in Azkaban, and that he is bored. To me, it also shows that Fudge is Brave, because he went talking with a prisoner.

Overall, I love this story.


PS: I hope you know what this was for! =]

Name: wendelin the wierd (Signed) · Date: 11/20/06 9:24 · For: Part I
When I first read your fic, I wondered- what could I possibly say? Each line was so powerful and significant. Nothing superfluous and it was a unique story written extremely uniquely.

But the highlight of this fan fic was definitely the vivid imagery you used.

Sirius is alive once more, prisoner twenty-one, forty-three, eleven, ninety-nine left behind in the foaming surf.

In that life he had been Sirius Black; now he was only prisoner twenty-one, forty-three, eleven, ninety-nine.

This was such a powerful line. It really gives the reader the strong impression of how he has been stripped of his identity and has become just a number now. It was beautiful. Much praise.

He sits on the pallet in his cold cell, watching at the light through his small window turns darker as the sun sets. He remembers that somewhere, far from here and years ago, that same sun had set on him and his friends that last day before James’ marriage. The last day they had still been the Marauders

Now here, I actually felt a sob in my throat. His reflections have such power and the word choice is excellent. In this paragraph especially, the power of description is used so well. Once again, I observe that this whole piece flows really well with not a single awkward pause.

You have surprisingly kept Sirius in character during his stay in Azkaban. Most authors have difficulty in doing that. In some other fics I have read, Sirius is portrayed as a madman in Azkaban but what you have written is exactly how I imagined him to be. Also, I like the setting. Not many people write about when Sirius is in Azkaban and how he escapes so your story is certainly one of a kind. Again here, the descriptions are very powerful.


And the way the number keeps repeating itself in his head showed his level of obsession with it. Brilliantly done!

Now in your entire fic I found only one very small flaw and some people would say that this was the extent of nitpickiness. Here it is-

The feeling of being unable to breath as he realized that his best friend would never be with him again. The feeling of being unable to breath as he realized that his best friend would never be with him again.

Shouldn't that be breathe with the e?

Overall, I must say it was a very pleasant read. Your story quite drew me in. Normally, I wouldn't read these types of fics but yours was extremely intriguing. And the summary really pulled me in! A brilliantly written piece! Keep up the excellent work!

Name: SPotter (Signed) · Date: 10/16/06 12:57 · For: Part I
Amazing, best story I have read in a long time.

Name: capella_black (Signed) · Date: 10/09/06 21:22 · For: Part I
Really great, really sad. I cried, literally shed tears, at this bit:

James, fallen on the ground, eyes that once sparked with mischief now staring glassily at the ceiling. The feeling of being unable to breathe as he realized that his best friend would never be with him again. James’ glasses were lying smashed beside him. He can never remember if he had stepped on them accidentally, or if he had found them that way.

The rest of it was done in such an oddly detached way, it conveyed perfectly the sense that Sirius had locked away all emotions to cling to whatever shreds of sanity he could.

One point: I thought Bellatrix came into Azkaban only a few weeks or months after him? Your story says years. Or has he just so lost track of time that it feels like years?

Anyway, great job, very enjoyable read (in a sad way, of course).

Author's Response: I'm really glad you liked it, your review made me squee! In writing this I wanted to write about the fact that however normal he may have appeared later, Azkaban really did ruin him and drive him mad. As for your point, I think that to him it didn't matter how long it was because there was no difference between the days and with the whole atmosphere of the place little things like time become unimportant. Anyway, thanks for the review!

Name: FrankieHart13 (Signed) · Date: 09/29/06 21:48 · For: Part I
woah i really thought this was really deep.

Name: Stag_Flower (Signed) · Date: 07/04/06 23:00 · For: Part I
Excellent! Could you write one after that? About him making his way to Harry? And how he feels when Harry starts attacking him?

Author's Response: I have parts written, but it might take me a while to post anything. You never know, though.

Name: midnight_me (Signed) · Date: 04/25/06 21:00 · For: Part I
I really love this story! The summary was wonderful, that's really what got my attention.

I thought you could have described the effects of Azkaban a little more at times. Even though Sirius was innocent, that doesn't mean he wasn't affected by the Dementors. And the part when he can't believe he'd already spent twelve years in Azkaban wasn't quite right. He would probably think it had been much longer.

The conversation between Fudge and Sirius was a little too cheerful, at least on Fudge's part. I'd expect him to be a lot more formal. Instead he greeted Sirius like an old friend.

I loved the part where Sirius sees Remus looking at him with disappointment and hatred. That was so sad!

I love this story! I think you did a great job writing it. It's one of my favorites. 9/10

Name: Capricorn (Signed) · Date: 03/26/06 20:41 · For: Part I
That was really good. It seemed so realistic. I loved the title, that's what hooked me. I like the switching back and forth from dog to human, and the beginning, where Remus is disappointed in him. Very deep. Verry good. Definetely a ten.

Name: AurorGirl101 (Signed) · Date: 03/20/06 9:24 · For: Part I
I loved this,when is part two coming out? If there is as part two?? My favorite part is how you made Sirius change back and forth with the dog state of mind,and the human state of mind, I loved it. Keep going!!!

Author's Response: As soon as I finish writing it (I'm halfway done). And my computer died so I have to use the ones at the public library.

Name: mgle_teacher (Signed) · Date: 03/14/06 22:53 · For: Part I
I can't believe no one has reviewed this story! Well...I was captivated by it...I can tell you that much. I love this story. You're doing a good job. I love how you describe his dog feelings/emotions and him...and how he lost himself. I felt sad the way you describe him so sad and like he had given up.... Can't wait until you update. One thing though...why Snuffles? I mean his Marauder/Animagus name is Padfoot...lol.

Author's Response: My thought was that that name would be painful to him because it connects him with his old friends at a time when he had just lost all three of them. I thought that he would have adopted a new name like that at the time because it had better connotations. Glad you liked it, and thanks for being my first reviewer.

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