Once again, you astound me with the force of your concluding sentence: ...and calmly, systematically, methodically, he spends his morning breaking every dish in the house. I love the way you build up to that climax, never wavering in the imagery before that.
I like the way Remus sees Sirius everywhere: in the sky, in the newspaper, in the fire, in the dark. Above all, I like the way he cannot believe that Sirius has betrayed James and Lily, because it illustrates the depth of his belief in Sirius. While he does come to believe that Sirius is guilty over time, it must nevertheless take a lot of faith not to believe the worst in your friend "when the world has gone mad".
This is probably a strange way to think of the friendship between the Marauders, but I found this vignette particularly telling of their friendship--at least, of what Remus devoted to it.
I really liked the imagery you used in this fic and how it tied in with Lupin's feelings and emotions. Great story!
Kilroy was Here
Wow, what a great depiction of Remus' reaction to the news... Fabulous fabulous!
this was so sad that I couldn't read every word.
Wow. Poor Remus. It's really amazing how, in such a short piece you manage to convey his character and his feelings of grief and anger. Especially the ending is wonderful, as it shows the extent of Remus' grief, while he stays in his "calm" character - to some extent. Skillfully written, too
I loved the part about Sirius laughing because he didn't know how to cry; that's like his life in one sentence. Amazing.
Once again you've written a fic in which every line is so incredible and flawless that I felt the writing could go on forever, with a plot so good that I wanted it to.
What an amazing character study! You reveal so much about Lupin. Outstanding!
I was deeply moved while I was reading this, but when I read the very last bit of the last sentance (and calmly, systematically,methodically, he spends his morning breaking every dish in the house.) tears started hit the desk.
This was beautifully written, I must say. You have a daring style that isnít afraid to go into details and speak through things other than the obvious. Itís captivating, your writing.
Anyway, onto to random problems I had.
Are you all right, Dumbledore asks.
I believe that you should have a question mark there, not a comma. If Iím wrong, forgive me. But I found it odd.
Later he will think, bitterly, that he should have known; he will think that it was obvious from the very beginning that Sirius Black was no good, no good at all, that James Potter was a fool - but such a brave, brave fool - for trusting him; now, he tries to reconcile the laughing friend he remembers with the murderer who is.
I do like this part, but something seems wrong to me concerning how you word the part about James being a fool. It seems like it would flow better if the part about Sirius being no good ended with a period instead of a comma, and then went on to say ďHe will think that James Potter was a fool -Ē. This is just personal preference, though.
And on to things I liked.
I'm fine, he answers, eyes fixed on the eddies in the carpet on his living-room floor. They both know he is lying, but by unspoken, gentlemanly, dignified agreement, they both pretend he is telling the truth.
I adore the way you say this, because it has such truth behind it. The truth is that everybody at one point in time says that they are fine when they are not, and itís usually at an immense time of need. And the other person almost always knows they are lying, but goes on in agreeing silence anyways.
He stands in the black clawed shadow of the old oak tree waiting for the abdication of all thought, and is still striving for blankness when his feet of their own accord walk him home.
Once again, your ability to take everyday truths and put them into your writing in an eloquent matter is alarmingly beautiful. The way that you describe the oak treeís shadow as clawed makes the scene seem dark and unhappy, a reflection of Remusís thoughts and emotions. And the bit about the feet walking home on their own accord is masterful. Yet another hint of Remus being too absorbed in his own thoughts and memories to realize the fact that he is walking. This is something that happens to me often.
In the afternoon, he looks at the newspaper again. Half the page is covered with a picture of Sirius laughing, and although he cannot hear the sound, he knows what it will sound like - a harsh, clashing, grating, horribly mirthless laugh that bounces and echoes and clashes and hurts. Sirius laughed like that, always laughed when he did not know what to do, laughed when something in his life was being destroyed, always laughed because he did not know how to cry.
The way that you describe the laughter and the way that Sirius always laughed when he didnít know what to do is amazing. When I read this part I could hear the laughter and I could see his photograph laughing pointlessly in the paper. I am so jealous of your abilities to capture the imagination. It is thrilling!
Once again Iím nearly speechless after reading one of your stories. The amount of feeling that this fic expresses is astounding. Remusís feelings seemed so real, it made me sad to read about them. I love your descriptions and metaphors, your stories are full of nice imagery that truly makes the scenes come to life for me. One thing that kind of hindered the flow of this story was the use of too many long sentences, though. They kind of dragged in some places and would have been more effective if a short sentence would have separated them for a change of pace.
The next time he hears it, he will taste blood, and the next time he grieves, it will be with the remembered taste of lukewarm tea swirling with a sodden teabag, cheap tea and tears tasting like bitter dust; he will grieve with the scent and rustle of newspaper, paper and tea and violins for sadness. This was the first sentence that I had to read twice in order to fully understand and appreciate everything you say. I believe you could have split it into two after ďbitter dustĒ and it wouldnít have lost any of itís impact. Other than that I like the way he notices all the details while he grieves, that might have been lost on him otherwise.
Sirius laughed like that, always laughed when he did not know what to do, laughed when something in his life was being destroyed, always laughed because he did not know how to cry.The amount of characterisation you manage to pack into only one sentence is astounding. Your characterisation of Sirius is very well done. I like the way you donít dwell on it for too long, but manage to give a clear image of what he was like all the same.
Later he will think, bitterly, that he should have known; he will think that it was obvious from the very beginning that Sirius Black was no good, no good at all, that James Potter was a fool - but such a brave, brave fool - for trusting him; now, he tries to reconcile the laughing friend he remembers with the murderer who is. This sentence was another one that is too long for my taste. I would even go so far as to split it in three, not just two other sentences. Instead of separating the parts of the sentence with a semicolon, you could change both of them to a full stop and start a new sentence there. On another note, I love the confusion that is shown in the last part of that sentence. It captures what I think Remus must have felt then perfectly.
Did I say how very much I like your characterisation of Remus, yet? I donít think I did, so here goes. I think Remusís thoughts and feelings were very well done. I like the way he smashes all the dishes in his house at the end Ė calm and controlled. Itís the sort of reaction I would expect from him, I donít think he would break down and start crying, but he would remain outwardly calm and grieve on the inside, while all his actions remain controlled. I enjoyed reading this fic a lot, thanks for sharing it with us^^
I can't think of words to say about this. It was wonderful! Usually, I pick out my favourite quotes in the story for the author while reviewing it, but I can't for this one because I love every single line. It is a simple story about a simple man, with a simple plot.. but the way you've written it is just... WOW. I want to give you more than 10/10.
Wow wow wow. That was absolutely amazing. I love your sytle; it flows beautifully and just sets the mood perfectly. Some lines I loved in particular:
the sky is grey like Sirius's laughing eyes.
Sirius laughed like that, always laughed when he did not know what to do, laughed when something in his life was being destroyed, always laughed because he did not know how to cry. In that one sentence, you characterized Sirius perfectly. That's exactly how I think of him.
He opens his mouth to call out, but restrains himself, thinking that appearance alone does not a Sirius make Again, perfect characterization of Sirius. To me, that said that what made Sirius Sirius was his personality.
And of course, the characterization of Remus is spot on. It's so sad, but so right. I loved the end (even though I had wished it wouldn't come), with him breaking the dishes. So sad.
The first paragraph was an amazing start to the fic. I could hear the music, feel the music. The imagery was so strong. Well, I'll stop going on because if I don't, I'll end up quoting the whole thing like Mithril wants to. Beautiful job! 10/10 *adds to favorites*
I thought it was beautiful. I really felt the emotion, I had a lump in my throat. Poor Remus. I think, you've captured his thoughts very well and I loved all of the description you put into it. 10/10
Wow, simply wow. I just came back from my second re-read and I'm pretty sure I'm going to read it again several times. I loved your characterization of Remus and the mood and how you set it. Here are a few quotes that I especially liked, I liked them so much I just had to say something about it:
The next time he hears it, he will taste blood
They both know he is lying, but by unspoken, gentlemanly, dignified agreement, they both pretend he is telling the truth.
he knows what it will sound like - a harsh, clashing, grating, horribly mirthless laugh that bounces and echoes and clashes and hurts.
I could practically feel that laugh, I could feel how much it hurt and I think you so accurately described it, because simple sounds like that, simple laughter can sometimes hurt...almost physically hurt...
Anyways I'll stop before I quote the entire fic, which is very likely by the way. I really wanted to scream nooo when it ended because I loved it so much, I suppose I'll have to make do with reading it over and over again...thanks for a truly amazing read...=)